Sunday, March 04, 2007

memoirs of a geezer...pt 1


I’ve just returned from Melbourne after attending the wedding of a very close mate and his utterly, utterly magnificent chick; some of my friends are marrying very well these days.
Lucky cunts.
Anyway…I had the honour of being The Best Man, discharging my responsibilities by getting him to the church on time, making a 35-minute speech (including the 2 encores and 5-minute standing ovation) at the reception before poking a bridesmaid in her whiskers back at my hotel.
As far as weddings go, all the boxes were ticked.
The morning after the wedding, a select ‘Band of Brothers’ gathered in St Kilda for a recovery breakfast. This not-so-secret society comprised the majority of guys I used to hang with in Tokyo from 1994 until 2000; they had made the trip to Melbourne from as far as San Diego, Edinburgh, Stockholm, Johannesburg, Shanghai, Taipei, Dubai and Mumbai…
The Diaspora of the halcyon days of Japan in the 90s’ had reunited for a 3-day festival of drink, drugs and partying to celebrate another wedding; after 48 hours with our feet to floor and our collective pedals to the metal, we held (as we always do following one of these gala weekends) a debriefing.
As I gazed around the table, I noticed something was different this time.
We were not so much a ‘Band of Brothers’ anymore as we were a ‘Brotherhood of Geezers’.
Our once-handsome faces were now lined and creased, our once-chiselled bodies were fat and bloated, our once-flowing locks of shiny hair were receding, disappearing, in some cases vanished forever…
Our ‘get-up-and-go’ had decidedly got up and gone !!!
We resembled computer-enhanced images of ourselves; the sort the FBI use when they have nothing but an old photo of the suspect to work with.
‘We believe the person may currently look something like this…’

To be continued…

11 comments:

Ms Smack said...

BRILLIANT!

Write more!

actonb said...

oh, don't be so hard on yourself fingers... you're not fat.

fingers said...

Well golly, AB...thanks.
I'll just do a quick re-write.
In the new version we'll all be young and slim and bright and cheery and have lovely waffles with huge lashings of syrup and sliced banana and hundreds and thousands and stuff. Oh Yay !!!
That'll be hilarious.
Plonker...

actonb said...

Oh. Poetic licence. Silly me.

Carry on.

Mex said...

dont encourage him actonb. you know full well he is fat. and ugly. and old. and has a small peen. and an arrogant fuck face who has nothing better to do but rattle the cage that is blogland.

i mean FFS! of course he is getting old. the man gets about on a scooter for christs sake!
http://www.electricscooter.com.au/products_electric_scooters.asp?category_id=11

mushroom said...

Um, how would you know about the peen now mex?

W said...

fingers, the true geezer test - did you require chemical assistance to poke said bridesmaid in the whiskers?

fingers said...

Stay tuned for Part II, W...

UBER MOUTH said...

Love3de this post. Do oyu men get all bitchy like women and secretly count their wrinkles and hair follicles to see who has more?

Ms Smack said...

bring on part 2 honey!

mutleythedog said...

Genius stuff! Wait till you are my age - I look like fuckin Ronnie fuckin Wood - I think Ill link you if thats OK?