Monday, October 29, 2007

bicycle bicycle bicycle...i want to fuck my bicycle...


‘A man who admitted having sex with a bicycle in a Scottish hotel has been placed on the sex offenders' register for breach of the peace. Robert Stewart admitted to the crime Friday in Ayr Sheriff Court and is to be sentenced next month, Britain's Telegraph reported Saturday. Stewart was discovered last October by two maids who entered to clean his room during a stay at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, Scotland. "The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex," a sheriff's spokesman told the court.


We live in an age of intolerable double-standards.
A chick on stage, attempting to stuff everything from ping-pong balls to the space-shuttle Columbia into her snatch in full view of a paying audience…she’s an exotic entertainer.
Yet a man showing his bicycle a little affection in the privacy of his hotel room…he’s branded a sex-fiend.

Go figure…

26 comments:

fingers said...

Shit, I was just over at Mountjoy's steaming pile of blogshit leaving him a rude comment on the ironing-piece when I noticed he'd just posted afresh on this very same topic.
Apologies for any similarities however I feel there was enough editorial difference of opinion to justify leaving my post up.
So get fucked...

surfercam said...

Where's your originality Fingers???

I have two bikes - does that mean I can have a threesome???

fingers said...

SC: Yes but I bet your two bikes eventually dump you and run off with each other...

Kitty said...
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Kitty said...
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Betty Boob Hug said...

hahahah to kitty! clever girl.

phishez_rule said...

Shit, they need to be arresting every woman they see on a bike then!

BottleBlonde said...

TEEHEHEHEHHEHEHEAAAAAA! Kitty and Phishez have me bustin' a gut!

This whole thing is a travesty. That bike was practically beggin' for it.

it's the little things... said...

It's a post-fest at the whine guide these days. Go figure.

And bahahahaha at Kitty and Phishez.

OneHungMan said...

Maybe if the bike was a paying customer it would have been ok.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Wha-hey...this is funny. I had to peddle back and re-read this. It's really true, right?

Okay, first off...how old is this guy and how old is the bike? Is it a girl bike or a guy bike? Hey and if the bike isn't eighteen years old...that might mean jail time.

Phish is so right...with the right pair of shorts (I have them) and a fab 25 speed mountain bike...cause I like to go fast and bumpy on my bike. Yep, any gal can get arrested. God I miss my bike. I should have the tired repaired.

Yeah, what's the big deal. Jeez, I wonder if a bike get's pregnant...will it have a tricycle that will one day grow up to wear training wheels?

I'm was just wondering.

Ciao fingers

Kelly said...

Does that mean every girl that blogs is going to be arrested... cause I know we ALL have blogged about the toys we shove where the sun don't shine, but should.

Also, can we get our strippers to have sex with bicycles on stage? It would be almost as fun to watch as the old ladies swinging their bras over their heads in order to get the attention of the banana hammocks with legs.

Betty Boob Hug said...

When I was 13 my friends and I used to ride around on our bikes and say, "Ooooooohhhhhh it tickles me!" and purposely go over bumps and grooves in the road to amuse ourselves.

I miss my bike. Actually now that I think of it, I miss anything hard between my legs. For shame.

fingers said...

Kitty: 'Pedalphile'...hehehehe...who's a clever lezzer.

BBH: Isn't she.

Phish: Only if they've taken the seat off.

BB: I bet your seat is off.

LT: It's raining posts.

OH: I wonder if they'd have arrested a chick with a bike stuffed in her snatch ??

Spiky: You need to find a nice flat road with ripples, baby.

BBH: Last I heard cycling was still legal, you lazy trout...

surfercam said...

Yeah that would be about my luck mate.

Kitty said...
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Sue said...

That totally doesnt surprise me.... the fact that his case was at Ayr sheriff court explains a lot.....
Scotland - where men are men and sheep (and now apparently bicycles) are nervous....
God, I am ashamed of my own fucking nationality!

WJ said...

you can't blame the poor bloke, all that lycra will get anyone excited...

besides, from what I remember of some of Scotland, the bike would have been the best offer some of those lads would have received in some time...

phishez_rule said...

Hate to give you an important life lesson this late, but it really does work if the seat is on. All you have to do is lean forward juuust a little.

Kelly said...

I will not be ignored Fingers!

fingers said...

Kitty: Don't give Spiky ideas. She'll want to ride her peanut butler too.

Sue: Nothing to be ashamed about darling. Your men have the nicest skirts in the world.

WJ: Just coz the Irish chick won't bone you, doesn't mean you have to slag off their feral Scottish cousins.

Phish: I bet you'd be a fun pillion on The Stealth.

Kelly: Oh baby...that made me laugh. It wasn't on purpose. I know how you feel though; that byatch Steph did the same thing to me the other day. Stings like a motherfucker, eh...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Ah...yes funny how you brought up Carmichael...he's such a treat.

The other night I asked him to give me a ride. He said he would go get the rolls out of the garage. Huh...I said no baby...ziiip, get the big one out and come ride Spiky Zora. hey, where's the peanut butter?

Oh...Carmichael is so much better than a bicycle ride.

Ciao fingers...um, can I borrow a jar of skippy.

Steph said...

Those twats should come to my local gym and watch the spin class. Sooo many women, soooo many slimy seats :P

dog3oy said...

now there is a new way to get some ladies into the GYM, vibrating seats on the exercise bikes

phishez_rule said...

I don't scream when I'm on a bike cuz I'm scared.

Kelly said...

I wear red to stand out motherfucker. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!!!

:-)