Tuesday, December 11, 2007

come again...

Have you ever wondered why the 75% of chicks that apparently achieve orgasm from plain, simple fucking ever even have them ??
From a biological perspective, what is the point of the female orgasm ??
Obviously my people need a bio-mechanism for getting the good stuff out of the gene-vault, up the insemination-device and into the egg-chamber. Not to bore you with specifics but there’s a precise set of muscle-spasms required to achieve this result…and as luck would have it, it turns out to be insanely pleasurable for us.
Then again, if sex was painful, how often would your people be able to talk my people into having it ??
Anyway, the male orgasm is absolutely required for the act of reproduction to occur in Nature; the attendant ecstasy is just a fluke.
But why do chicks have orgasms ??
Well, one school of thought is that the neural pathways, which necessarily include the body’s pleasure-receptors, are laid down very early in the embryonic development, irrespective of gender. What my people get, your people get.
Basically, you chicks get a free ride on the Orgasm Express courtesy of the freakish anatomical symmetry which occurs very early on in life.
So, all those jollies you’re getting are pretty much on our tabs, ladies.
How about taking the time to stop and thank my people.
Then again, I suppose you probably think the free set of useless nipples my people get when you’re given yours is a fair exchange of perks…


GT said...

I read somewhere (so it must be true) that women receive 8 times the intensity of male orgasms.

Fair go ladies. Give some back.

fingers said...

gt: That's the pseudo-science garbage about theta waves emitted by the brain during orgasm. They're 8-10 times stronger in chicks than in guys which raises the theoretical question of whether the female orgasm could kill a man by blowing his brain.
Of course maybe it raises the point that chicks are so dense they need a lot stronger message hammered into them...

Ms Smack said...

As if 75 percent of women achieve orgasm from penetration alone - quote your source, please. Most women need clitoral stimulation, Ive heard.

AND we have orgasms because its the only peaceful place we can go to, where we can zone out, feel good, and not hear mens fucking whining, without putting on a calorie.


Kitty said...

female orgasms are actually to encourage the sperm up the clunge tunnel i was told once.

they are also designed to make women want to fuck i think.

the end.

Kitty said...

are you suggestering that i am dense mr fingery fuckerfacer??


Anonymous said...

You've obviously had a lot of time to think about this Mr fingers.
Are things slow at the office?

Seriously though...I also heard toes weren't really necessary anymore for all people's because we don't need to climb trees so much these past few hundred thousand years.
But we still have toes.

So if we can all have toes,and nipples, we can all have the ability to orgasm.

it's the little things... said...

Actually, the fluids emitted during a woman's orgasm change the ph of the vagina. The ph factor can, in turn, influence whether the resultant progeny is male or female.

BottleBlonde said...

Bitch, please. I'll thank my Taiwanese child slave for giving me my yearly Brazilian bikini wax before I thank your people for my orgasms.

P.S. Don't call my people. We'll call you.

fingers said...

Smack: When I want some peace and quiet I take a newspaper and go to the bathroom.

Kitty: Couldn't you just stand on your head ??

Betty: Dogs have toes and you don't see too many of them in the tree-tops.

LT: Horseshit. Who told you that ??

BB: Does your yearly bikini wax usually coincide with your yearly game of rumpy-pumpy...

surfercam said...

Very valid point there mate.
Lot of thought has gone into that one.

scribble said...

There had to be a way to pay back females for the brutality and pain of pregnancy and childbirth (and dont anyone start blathering on about how beautiful it all is.. its not.).. so we get orgasm for no reason other than pleasure...and the multiple orgasm..ner ner ner.

phishez_rule said...

Yeah, I think everybody's covered the main points.

Orgasms change hormone levels, the bond stronger between the couple. A stronger bond means the woman is more likely to want kids AND the man is more likely to help raise them. Also its a way to test your ate. Apparently if a man is invested enough to make her cum, then he's invested enough to help raise kids.

We have the same spasms in our vaginal canal, which help sperm travel.

Our secretions neutralise the pH of the vagina, making conception more likely.

And it makes us want to fuck more. More sex = higher rate of conception.

Can I say vagina any more? Yes I can.



Not to get too technical but what bods me to women to make them want to stay is a hormone released through the skin called oxytocin, not orgasms.
When a woman orgasms, she produces naturally occurring spermicide so a woman is less likely to get pregnant if she orgasms before the man.Not a form of birth control however.
Obviously women have orgasms to help them over bag rot issues so that she ca do it.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers what the F...you would figure a males release would be lots bigger then a females...I mean if you take a look at it a cockm is lots bigger than a clit. It's like a giant clit...right?

Hum, I guess that's what they realy mean when they say...size isn't everything.


itisthelittlethings said...

I read it in a book about choosing the sex of your child.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hey fingers...I so think I would go crazy if my orgasms got any bigger. I mean three a day is fab but 3 montrous Os a day. I would be in a f'ing nut house with a smile you couln't wipe off with a cock bar.

Um...what was the question, again? I drifted off thinking about the 3 montrous orgasms a day. I think that just might be achievable.

ciao babes.

electro-kevin said...

Chicks have orgasms ?

Wow - I didn't know that.

electro-kevin said...


Subject related. Well ... not really.


Ms Smack said...

hahahahah EK, I think you should just plain ASK your missus to crawl over you that way.. you know the way I mean, eh? She's not a mind-reader!

Kitty said...

Some researchers believe that having an orgasm during sex increases the chance of conception.

The theory: Oxytocin, a hormone released in peak levels during orgasm, causes uterine contractions that coax sperm toward the egg.


(so you know it must be true)

fingers said...

SC: I'm working on another theme too...'Why do chicks have ears since they don't seem to use them'.

Scribble: You mean like giving a child an ice-cream cone after they've skinned their knee ??

Phish: Orgasms make me sleepy.

Uber: Apparently a chick's mind goes blank immediately after an orgasm. I'm guessing you had one just before you wrote that comment.

Spiky: You too by the sounds of it.

LT: I bet that book has at least a 50% success rate.

Spiky: Another one ??

E-K: Are you spruiking on my splendid site again ??

Smack: I wish I knew what you meant.

Kitty: I thought that stuff was for acne...

Madam Z said...

Okay, motherfuckers. Do some anatomical research! In my opinion, ms smack is the only one here who knows what she's talking about. It's the clitoris that's full of the feel-good thingies that make a woman cum. If 75% of women say achieve orgasm through penetration alone, 74% of them are lying!

em said...

Yeah. . .I'm saying it's not 75%. . .it is widely quoted as being more like 25%. Like Ms. Smack said most women need clitoral stimulation. But I'd say we get orgasms because God likes us.

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