Inspired by the tireless legions of people who will try to bring you down by reminding you it's Monday, I offer this different view of the world and ask you to consider what Life might be like had Fate seen fit to make you a blowfly...'I remember my first impression of the world as though it were last week; unsurprising really given that it was only last week. Abandoned in a putrid dumpster by a well-meaning mother, the world seemed utterly devoid of anything. Total darkness, complete silence…
Of course with hindsight…and hindhearing…I realize this initial impression was almost certainly due to the fact I’d been born both blind and deaf, though I didn’t know that at the time.
However what was apparent was that in one of Nature’s crueler ironies, taking into account the immediate surroundings, I had been given a magnificently acute sense of smell. It’s commonly accepted that when you’re a maggot you have to expect these types of bad breaks? On the other hand when you start life as a maggot there’s another school of thought that says you’re also entitled to some sort of assurance that things can’t possibly get much worse.
That’s the thorny philosophical quality-of-life issue I had been contemplating when the hunger pains kicked in…
Just light tremors to begin with...but lumbered as I was with a larval body-plan consisting of seventy-five percent stomach those tremors quickly turned into a full-blown hunger-quake. As my minimal luck so far would have it, mother had had the instinctive good sense to provide for this eventuality; when she flew off, she did so leaving me perched atop a vast expanse of steadily-ripening hamburger. Its rancid stench was music to my nose; a vast desert of salmonella it may have been to some…but to me it was a tropical island of filet mignon.
Rolling my cumbersome body over to take advantage of the situation, I just hoped that cunt Nature, which had so far overlooked me in the eyes and ears department…had bothered to give me a mouth…'
to be cont'd...
