Thursday, December 30, 2010

cue the 'jaws' music...


As you may have noticed, I haven’t blogged for a while !!!
Nothing sinister in it: I just haven’t felt like it to be honest.
It started off as a small writer’s block, which then developed into creative apathy all by itself…followed thereafter by a personal catastrophe that rendered me utterly disinterested in making anyone’s life any jollier.
So, I didn’t blog…
And I certainly didn’t comment on many other blogs because let’s face it…if I’m not writing then I’m not reading. It’s the same with conversation; if I’m not talking then I’m unlikely to be listening.
But I’ll be back in the New Year for sure.
Meanwhile, with the New Year theme in mind, I’d like to farewell 2010 with a little game I invented a few years ago called ‘Other Peoples’ New Year’s Blogging Resolutions’…or as it’s sometimes also known: What I Hate Most About Your Blog…You Cunt !!!
The idea is basically to list the NY resolutions you think certain other people should make…because I’d rather nail my pee-pee to a burning building than read anyone’s personal NY resolutions themselves. I mean really…like I give a fuck whether you do drugs, smoke too many cigarettes, are fifty kilos overweight, beat your spouse or secretly drink from the toilet.
So, in order to play this game, when you comment, please choose three (3) bloggers and list one (1) resolution you’d like to see each of them make for 2011 with respect to their blogs.

I’ll start the game off…and please don’t feel slighted by omission if you weren’t one of the three I chose…there are no favourites here at TWG. Rest assured that even though you’re not mentioned…I almost certainly still loathe many things about your shitty blog…

OK…let’s start with…Kitty over at ‘Shrinking Kitty’… (OK so I DO play favourites here at TWG…GFY). Not much to complain about over at SK really. Kitty’s blog is plump, pink and perfect…just like its author. So, I’d like her NY resolution to be that she will self-delete her wonderful blog on a far more regular basis; say twice a week to begin with…

Then there’s Spiky over at ‘Bit Player Reflects’ …no prizes for guessing what I’d like her to do with ‘Drive-By Poetry Day’. I make no secret of the fact I despise poetry. I loathe it. Reading someone else’s poetry is like listening to someone talk about a weird dream they had…or an acid trip they once took. Poetry is nothing more than shitty prose, chopped up into supposedly artistic bits with proper punctuation left out for added ‘meaning’. Of course I am probably the only one who thinks like this…

And finally there’s Bam Bam & Frankie over at ‘BamBamBam’ & ‘The Fifi Dangerfield Files’ …yes I know they are two people/two blogs but in reality they are now one. Siamese bloggers joined at the cyber-genitals, messing up the internet with their syrupy romance. I’m not really sure what I’d like these two love-vultures to resolve for NY ?? Certainly they were edgier when single and bitter…but even I wouldn’t be comfortable for their turgid affair to be butchered in the name of better blogging. So, perhaps the two of you could take your juvenile mutual desire for each other’s slippery bits somewhere else…like FB…and get back to your blogging roots…

And on that note…may I wish you all a Happy New Year and may you all get what you asked for in 2011…

27 comments:

Kitty said...

All I wanted for Christmas is to be re-added to your blog roll!!!

What if I promise, cross my legs and hope to contract herpes to self-delete THRICE weekly?

What will it take to be included once more?

Don't say a bat smoking 'cause I gave up dishing out mercy sucks last New Years...

Love you Smoops. Happy New Year to you and B, my darling cunty friend. xxxx

Frankie said...

yeah yeah, I'm acutely aware that my blog sucks now and that everyone was a lot happier when I was being fucked over by losers. But I'm happy, so I don't give a crap.

I do however anticipate a few 'my ex-husband is a total cunt' posts in 2011 if that makes you feel better.

Happy New Year. Hope to be able to call you a cunt in person very soon...

Kitty said...

thank you baby xx

Ms Smack said...

Three bloggers...

Bam/Frankie - my wish is for them to post photos of their hot sex for us all to gawk at.

Kitty - to not delete her blog again, ever.

Friday - to have a happy result with her babies.

Happy New Year D.

x

Bambam said...

1. Frankie does at least one funny, edgy blog for every syrupy, romantic one. I like 'em both but the survey says... Ba-boohhhmmmm....

2. Fingers writes more often.

3. Kitty gets her own tits out for Tuesday's Tits.

All the Best for the Nest in 2011 mate!

Frankie said...

*adds camera and video recorder to packing list*

xl said...

Fingers: Host a blogger's party next NYE on his boat so we can watch the Harbour Bridge fireworks.

That is all.

Memphis Steve said...

Well Happy New Year to you, too, Mr Fingers. I don't have any resolutions for other people's blogs. I can barely write on my own. But I'm glad to see that you're back. The blog has been lacking in your particular brand of .... whatever you call what you do. Welcome back.

Electro-Kevin said...

I don't regard myself as a blogger really.

What appears on my blog is is the result of the end of my knob banging on the keys whilst I masturbate over internet porn.

So please don't blame me. Blame my knob.

Electro-Kevin said...

... Happy New Year

xl said...

Happy New Year!
Turn it up to 11!

Jayne said...

I can't be arsed to play your daft fuckin' games.
Happy New Year (already) yer miserable cunt xxx

JLee said...

ok, let's seee...

1. I want you to write a lengthy poem about love and they joys of it on this blog, without using the word c*nt

The other two don't matter ;)

Happy New Year! xoxoxoxox

JLee said...

ps
I thought of one more...I want Steve to crap or get off the pot!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Oh fingers, you think to hide your big tender heart behind words like c*nt and the claims that you don’t care, but I see past that façade. You care more than you’d like to care.

My Drive-by Poetry Day was created because you, Fingers my dear muse are like Calliope (in the short skirt)…you inspired them. In my sleep you would creep and whisper in my ear, inspiring bad poetry. And you know I was always one, never to suffer alone.

Let's play...
1)JLee: I’d like for her to write love poetry about me at least once every other week and you the week she doesn’t write about me. Wouldn’t that be fabulous? You could suffer over at her blog too. Don’t thank me yet…she hasn’t yet agreed.

2)Ute’s blog: this year I'd like to see her write more of her past, family, people, herself, her loves, and places she has seen and lived in. She brings Australia in her writing.

3)Fingers: To at least post once a month a contest similar to that of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Award. And please pick Kitty (cause she’s dreamy) to personally present the award to the monthly winner…moi.

I’m not done…and can we please see in 2011 a 10 round duke-out (word-fight) between you and Mr. pineapple.

Note to your readers: the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Award goes to the worst fiction writer, so I’m a shoe in.

Sorry you were down in the dump sweetie.

(((MWUAH))) my new years kiss for you.

ciao sweetie.
ciao sweetie. xxx

Memphis Steve said...

Happy New Year, you miserable old cunt!

I like this JLee person, but I'm afraid I'm doomed to disappoint her. my IBS prevents me from getting off the pot because the crap flows in perpetuity.

JLee said...

Oh, in that case please STAY on the pot! ;)

EmmaK said...

look fuck that game I have a hangover but since you have flown a lot please can you tell me the best flight route from East Coast USA to Perth...I wrote this on my blog: I'm wondering if I'm ever gonna get to Oz. Two of my husband's siblings just moved to Perth from Ireland because no jobs in Ireland and they asked us to visit - a wedding or summat! And you basically have to take three pissing flights from here HELL. And my husband is like 'I don't think you can do it because you'll be walking around Tokyo airport waiting for the third flight off your head due to lack of sleep and telling people to fuck off.' If you have any info re what airports have showers en route USA to Australia or what are the best routes do let me know!! otherwise i'm fucked

Bambam said...

Emmak: I'd go from DC/NYC to Perth via Dubai ... only 2 legs on Etihad or Emirates... I think!

Ute said...

I got nuthin'.... I can barely think of shit to write myself, let alone ask for others to contribute. Am happy with what everyone writes now really. Only I wish you yourself would write more Mr Fingers.

Happy New Year. :o)

EmmaK said...

Bam Bamthanks Bam Bam you may just have saved my life and sanity! xx

Spiky Zora Jones said...

*yawn*

well since you've scared mr. pineapples away and there will be no 'logo' duke-out to liven up things here, how about a joke?.

"So a skeleton walks into a New York City bar and orders a beer and a mop..."

*crickets*

Um...don't make me have to explain it.

ciao sweetie. xxxx

fingers said...

kitty: OK, you're back on the roll. I only deleted you because you deleted yourself. I was worried about the stench of death rubbing off.

Frankie: Never let happiness stand in the way of good blogging. While you're in your happy place just dredge up some misery from the past. Surely you have some saved for a sunny day ??

Smack: Um, they seemed like actual NY wishes.

Bam: Same to you, mate. The lawn is all yours to mow.

xl: Er...mate...the boat is 5.2 meteres long.

MS: Well I would certainly expect my blog to be lacking in something if I'm not writing anything on it.

E-K: And a HNY to you too, mate. Let normal blogging resume. We've both had a nice rest; time to kick many asses.

Jiney: That's the spirit, Grandma. I'll be over to visit you shortly.

Jlee: The only thing I know about love is that it kills my appetite.

Spiker: Look, some people have to hide their true feelings behind a facade. I am one of those people. I pretend to care about people so they don't find out how much of a fuck I don't give about them. Obviously I have been too good at the deception.

Emmak: Try Webjet, you miserable, old cow. You can't come steaming onto my blog, tell me you can't be fucked playing my game, then blather on about your family problems and your airport plumbing requirements.

Ute: I worry that if I write more it would place a larger burden on my readers. And most of them have enough problems as is.

Spiker: Yeah where is that Pineapples guy...

Frankie said...

you're right. I guess I could blog about the 300 hours community service I did which was basically me, serving cups of tea and stale biscuits to paedophiles all day...

Clyde said...

Happy New Year young fella.

Stephanie Shaw to make a comeback and make a few people feel uneasy or inferior

Ms Smack said...

Yeah, they are actual wishes! Sorry, I screwed it up.

emma said...

Oh that's easy - for Staci Cole to return from her humanitarian work in Calcutta and start blogging again.