Thursday, April 27, 2006

gotta start somewhere i guess...


The essence of blogging appears to be a sharing of the excruciating minutiae of one's daily existence with the world at large.
So, whilst I conjour up a large platter of anecdotal nail-clippings from what has so far passed for my life, may I shamefully introduce my cat, 'Fuckface'.
He's 45 years old, we share the exact same birthdate, 30/11/1960...and he hates me.
To be honest, I don't like him much either, however circumstance has dictated that our lives remain inextricably entwined.
'Fuckface' was the reult of a cross-species-breeding-experiment-gone-bad back in the 60s; he is part longhaired Persian/part barn owl, which makes him a terror on mice but not as quite as wise as his creators had hoped. In almost two thousand attempts he has never once beaten me at Trivial Pursuit.
We have a mutual tolerance for each other born mostly out of desperation. He needs me to feed him each day, and I occasionally farm him for organs when one of mine expires.; I have both his kidneys and one of his lungs.
Some nights we just sit on our respective couches staring each other down. I know he's hoping to dine on my face should he outlive me, and he's well aware of my plans for turning him into an oven mitten some day.
In the coming months/years/millenia...I hope to share with all of you, more of my life with 'Fuckface'...

30 comments:

Mex said...

do you expect fuckface to outlive you?

fingers said...

I knew I should have opened this blog in a better neighbourhood.
Look at the riff-raff "Fuckface' just dragged in.
Thanks for being my first, mex...

Mex said...

was it as disappointing for you as it was for me?

fingers said...

Well, since it was my first, I have nothing to compare it to, however in years to come, I expect I'll learn to appreciate it for the disaster it was...

actonb said...

How fucking long did it take you to work it all out fingers???
That's an ugly cat. Do you want some of my happy pills to pop in his wiskas?
Speaking of ugly cats, I'm strangely enamoured of those freaky hairless cats...

fingers said...

He might not be a looker but he'd stomp a mud-puddle in your dopey cat's chest any day, Nac...

actonb said...

I don't think so. Although staring at his ugly mug might induce Inigo to fall into some strange hypnotic trance...

fingers said...

Last weekend when I took 'Fuckface' down to Centennial Park for a walk, he got into a fight with a Rottweiler and killed it...

mushroom said...

I must say hairless pussies are the go nac.

Mex said...

what happens if Fuckface sits on your face? or is that how he got his name?

fingers said...

I'm not sure what that highbrow post was meant to imply, Mex.
However if you don't clean up your language I'll be forced to bring 'Fuckface' round to your place and use your face for a scratch-post, cunt...

Mex said...

so he's obviously got all he can out of your face then...

mushroom said...

i know you are but what am i

fingers said...

I'm hoping that from these humble beginnings...from out of the primordial intellectual sludge that is a mex/mushroom dialogue, that perhaps a beautiful blog with a sensible forum might some day grow...

mushroom said...

this blog blows, it never seems to update.........

fingers said...

Well, I didn't have Chinese for breakfast or go shopping over the weekend, so I have nothing to share this morning...

actonb said...

ooh, i love what you've done with the place. Oh wait. that's right. you've done fuck-all since last week...

fingers said...

Ha...you cheeky thing.
I tell you, Nac...give yourself ONE week at the CPDC and we'll have you snapping people in half and loving it...

Mex said...

are we still talking about 'Fuckface' over here?

why dont we talk about 'fuck all' instead?

fingers said...

Coz we have your blog for that, Feral...

actonb said...

And why is this showing the wrong time???
WTF is it with you and donnie and sian? It's all v funny.
You know, a week at the CPDC sounds fun right now, I've already spent the day subtly annoying the shit out of my 'friend'. He had to go to the warehouse to clear his head. heeheehee.

fingers said...

Yeah, I'm sure you're a real terror, Gidget...

actonb said...

yep, that's me. I couldn't do nasty if I tried. Even if I tired reeaaly hard. But I cope.
At least it means I don't have you and Donnie have schoolyard squabbles over me...

welcome to wallyworld said...

Yeah...when's the next instament of "My life as a cat" - come to think of it...that could be the name for Sian's blog. p.s. should I send money? Do you have PayPal, pal?

Mex said...

good to see fuckface is still holding the fort - a WEEK later.

actonb said...

Oh FFS! Will you get rid of the fucking cat!
It's ugly face is making me sick.

Mountjoy said...

Jesus H. I came all the way here for this? Remind me to send you to Wave Rock if you ever show your sorry face in The West.

fingers said...

What a crock, Donnie.
You came over to see if I'd reviewed your blog yet, you giant, great ball of ego...

Ms Smack said...

Hot Damn, I'd have to get rid of a cat like that.

Jane said...

fuckface is cute