Tuesday, April 24, 2007

just how dumb do you think we are...


OK…grieving period over; I’m a cunt…so what else is new ??
It’s Anzac Day, I’ve been up since 3-00am, attended the dawn service in Martin Place, I’m soaked to the bone and now I’m at work.
At work…but there’s nothing to do…so I’ve been poodling around the RSVP site, just window shopping…and here’s the scoop. 50% of all chicks are total cabbages !!!
On RSVP, you create a profile, with or without a photo…then you have about 50 words or so with which to grab a guy’s attention. Minimal attention at that…
And how do most chicks go about it ??
By saying something like, ‘I love to laugh’, or ‘I live life to the fullest’.
Yeah…me too…I love to live and love and laugh and live life loving and living and laughing...I mean…FFS…what’s the alternative?? Killing yourself ??
Then there’s the alliteration brigade: ‘Sexy, sassy, single, sophisticated, smiling and smart…”.
That’s fucking super; certainly beats ‘Monstrous, misshapen, married, mediocre, mundane, moody, morose and moronic’ I suppose.
Or the rhetorical daydreamers: ‘Would you like to walk with me in the clouds?’
Um…yes…that sounds fabulous…and while we’re doing all that we can discuss the magical healing power of rainbows.
The gormless: ‘Inspire me!’
No thanks. Inspire yourself, you lazy cunt.
The disillusioned: ‘Just looking for someone honest/nice’.
Translation; if one more guy cheats on me I’m going to cut my fucking head off.
What about ‘My friends say I’m a sweet, gentle person’.
Of course they do; they’re your friends, idiot. That’s what friends say. Well, maybe not my friends. They say I’m a complete cunt…but I bet I’m still more fun to sit next to at dinner than you.
BUT…I think my favourite is, ‘I’m just an easy-going gal’…followed by a 300-point inclusion/exclusion list of attributes desirable/undesirable for her ideal partner.
YOU ARE ALL SOOOOOOOOO GOING TO DIE ALONE…

15 comments:

Mountjoy said...

Okay, so that's the 50% of plonkers that are so blatantly flawed they don't get to the audition stage; are you going to post a Part II showing the females of the bloggersphere examples of how to get it right? (remembering 50% of the remainder will have lied through their teeth anyway...)

Oh, welcome back, BTW.

fingers said...

I'm here to help.
I think there will be Parts II/III/IV...and so on. RSVP is an unlimited vein of comic material.
Seriously, some of these poor things have no idea.
'Looking for someone special.'
Great, you can come over to my place and cut my food into little pieces for me...

Mountjoy said...

I never fail to be amazed at the apparent self loathing of so many seemingly solid, capable women. Then, I look around and see the rock apes these poor bints have to try and risk wasting valuable breeding years with, and I thank Christ I was born with a penis...

fingers said...

I'm surprised most of single chicks didn't just top themselves after you were taken off the market, Donnie.
You're a real prize...

Mountjoy said...

The aren't about to go rope dancing while there is still a chance you'll hit on them, will they? Not with all that boyish charm, and laddish irreverence on offer...

fingers said...

The veneer of boyish charm seems to have a shelf-life of 7 years max.
Beneath that, there is a solid core of bastardry surrounded by a layer of molten indifference.
Dumb as they are, they do manage to work me out eventually...

Kaisa said...

OMG; please don't tell me you think guys write better truth telling discriptions of themselves... Guy's lie their arse's off about themselves on there also. An half of them sound so creepy they should have been 'put down' at birth.

fingers said...

I couldn't say, Kaisa...since I don't read the male profiles.
Glad to have lit a sufficiently large fire under your boiler to have you join in though...

W said...

Ahh fingers. Will there be any dates from the quality (and I use that term loosely) candidates?

Also, thank CHRIST I took my profile down. Not sure I can handle the mocking.

fingers said...

I'm not there to make friends, W.
Although, as I was telling Smack, while I was doing some fact-mining, my old profile was visible.
It's a bit left-field.
I got tagged by a 50 year old dominatrix (pictured with handcuffs), who e-mailed me with the subject-title 'You know you want it.'
I'm not sure which part of my bio suggested I might enjoy being strapped to a giant chocolate-wheel but there you go...

Ms Smack said...

haaaaaaaahahahhhaah

Hilarious

So, can you write a profile on yourself without using the word asshole, cunt or bitter-twisted fuck?

I think not.

jungle jane said...

So many people on dating sites who like walking along the beach. You would think they'd be hooking up, innit?

If I joined RSVP my attention catching line would be "I am a cunt".

Ms Smack said...

Men have to be a tad more realistic too. To be as specific as height requirements, weight ideals, blonde, with a D cup, no kids, and over 30, please!

What person hasn't got some life experience over 30 that would be classified as baggage?

Perhaps you should be looking at 16 year olds because um, they're the only ones without a history or baggage.

Oh, and honey, Pamela Anderson isnt on the website looking for an egotistical, balding, lame fuck without a porsche but with the attitude to match. Get real, gentlemen or spend the rest of YOUR LIFE making out with your hand.

fingers said...

Fuck me, Jane...I thought you were dead.
And Smack, we're not talking about me or my people here. We're talking about your clueless lot and their unreasonable demands.
My blog, my fantasy...

Jin said...

Ah, but Fingers, why are you scanning the rsvp ads in the first place hmmm?