Sunday, April 29, 2007

cracking the rsvp code...


In the interests of helping some of you desperates find a mate, I'll continue with Part II of my RSVP-profile-appraisal-series. Today we'll be looking at headers again, with a view to illustrating the difference between what YOU (chicks) write and what WE (poor slobs) read.


'I’m a very good listener.'
TRANSLATION: 'I’ve got absolutely nothing to say.'
'An angel yet a devil. A dove yet a tiger!'
TRANSLATION: 'I’m bipolar and potentially violent. My last boyfriend was afraid to go to sleep around me!'

'Just looking for a partner with whom I can share all the great things in life!'
TRANSLATION: 'I have nothing myself; no personality, no money, no ideas...so I want some of yours. I'll take half now and the rest when I leave!'

'Strong-willed, independent, spontaneous!!!'
TRANSLATION: 'Fuck you, I’m leaving, NOW !!!

'Finding my destined fate that draw me to this RSVP, my dream from unknown would cross our path through by mysterious phenomenon.'
TRANSLATION: 'I have recently arrived from Vladivostok, where I was once their most prestigious university's Head of Cardiac Surgery. I came to Australia to seek a better life, however I've been working as a lap-dancing whore in 'Mens Gallery' for the past 6 months and am getting a bit sick of giving handjobs. Please save me.'


More next week...

25 comments:

Mountjoy said...

That last one sounds just like the broken english you'd expect on a can of Japanese tuna...

fingers said...

And I haven't even opened the grammatical can of worms (or Japanese tuna) that forms the profile-backbone in the 'rest of the world' section...

Kunstemæcker said...

oh shit I've been dating the wrong type of women all my life.

sian said...

Morning fingers... long time no stab. I thought I'd pop in and see if I can induce any paroxysms of jealousy with the news that I've just returned from three weeks in Japan (Tokyo & Kyoto)?

God the blogging is dire over on the SMH site. I've more or less retired. Good to see everyone here is still revelling in the freedom to say "cunt" though.

fingers said...

OMG, look what the neko dragged in !!!
Well, as you can plainly see, things aren't any less dire over here. Just me and Mountie and some cunt called Kunstemaecker.
So, what powerful force drew you back to Japan ?? Other than the yearly cho-sukebe business trip, I don't really miss the place.
Agree on the SMH site; I assume you mean TDT.
Bunch of cunts mostly; except 'stace'...she's brilliant...

jungle jane said...

Fingers, i am starting to think that you are jaded and cynical. I think we should all club together and find you a nice lady on RSVP that you have to date at least 3 times.

Deal?

fingers said...

Actually, Jane...I'm currently in hot pursuit of The Elephant.
The title has more to do with her worth as a trophy than it does her size. If I can bring down The Elephant, I will never have to worry about eating again.
Sadly though, I have only one rusty little spear left in my quiver, having used all my good ones years ago on various unsuitable wildebeest, so I must be perfectly sure of the situation before I take the shot.
Somewhere on her soft underbelly, there is a fatal spot into which I must place that spear.
And please spare me the 'little spear' or 'magical spot' jokes, Mountjoy...

Mountjoy said...

Was the feline double entendre intentional, you old fossil?

fingers said...

I've consulted my Benny Hill Manual of Double Entendre but still have no idea what you're blathering about, Duck Boy...

BEAST said...

chick ??? CHICK ???? have you been in a coma since the 1970's ???

fingers said...

Yeah 'chicks', Beast.
They dig it when you call them that...

W said...

Oh my. sian. How exciting!

The Elephant, hey fingers? There's a mental image...

UBER MOUTH said...

What you know about women couldn't fill a thimble- thank God.
Yes women much prefer to be called "chicks" to "cu--"

fingers said...

If the thimble fits, Uber...

jungle jane said...

Well? Have you nailed the elephant yet?

fingers said...

No, so far the only thing she's fucking with is my head...

UBER MOUTH said...

And that surprises you?

fingers said...

Christ !!!
I'm getting razeed about my sex life by one of The Unfuckables...

Electro Kevin said...

Hey, Fingers !

You talk the TALK ...

D'ya walk the WALK ???


(Asked affectionately, of course)

fingers said...

Check this out, Kevin.

http://whineguide.blogspot.com/2006/04/gotta-start-somewhere-i-guess.html

Does it ring any bells...

Electro Kevin said...

Golly, how did you get it so big ? Fuckface, I mean.

That's my kinda pussy.


Har har !

W said...

Thought you'd like this fingers - from a woman's point of view:

http://offkilter.blogspot.com/2005/11/how-to-land-man.html

fingers said...

Thanks W.
You know I'm always utterly fascinated by a woman's point of view.
Zzzzzzz....

W said...

Well since she was taking the piss of the whole online dating scene, I thought you might find it at least amusing.

That will teach me to think.....

fingers said...

Stop being a sook or I'll have to stop bagging you out...