Monday, October 12, 2009

a blogroll by any other name would smell as bad...

Recently a lot has been written about blog politics; specifically the blog roll etiquette.
Personally I’m indifferent to being added/subtracted to anyone’s blog roll, since the whole process smacks of co-dependency, the need for validation/retribution and the creation of one giant mutual masturbation society online.
Now, as I pass a jaded eye over my own sad blog roll, surveying the carcasses of dead and dying sites, the orts and leavings of the internet feast, a once-proud hotbed of creativity now riddled with apathetic weeds…I’m curious as to which bloggers might still list me on their own rolls ???

Of course there’s always my perennial #1…Kitty, from ‘Shrinking Kitty’, the delusional housewife from The Victorian Riviera, whose primary fun is posting something brilliant (or nude pics) then deleting herself in a frenzy of self-loathing; the e-equivalent of cutting yourself with a razor. It’s a privilege to be listed on her blog roll alongside great works of art such as ‘Random Anorexics’, ‘Run More’, ‘Eat Less’, ‘My Big Fat Greek Ass’, ‘The Unfuckables’ and ‘I Wish Donuts Were Good For Me’.

I’m proud that my blog’s uncompromising style, courageous and without a modicum of judgmental criticism, has enabled TWG to become part of the gay e-landscape. I’ve been somewhat immortalized by Tom Gaylord, the extraordinarily clever, currently straight-jacketed host of ‘Gay Sky Hooker’, who has graciously linked me with iconic blogs such as ‘Sperm My Cumhole’, ‘Suburban Rentboy’, ‘Gay Porn Fanatic’, ‘The Chcokie Choo Choo’, ‘Father Fag Pants’ and ‘There’s a Lamp In My Ass’…from his private room in an unnamed Irish Loony Bin.

Then there’s everyone’s favourite rug-muncher, Spiky Zora Jones over at ‘Bit Player Reflects’, the hippest dyke on the West Coast, the undisputed Captain of Team Pink; and indeed it tickles me pink to see my blog nestling amidst such Sapphic delights as ‘Real Live Lesbian’, ‘In Search Of Lesbians’, ‘Caro’s Wandering Fingers’, ‘Flaps Down For Landing’, ‘Libby the Lab Licker’ and ‘Who Moved My Dildo’.

And lastly…and by all means leastly what higher praise could a blogger wish for than to be flattered by the internet’s most prolific stalker, Memphis Steve from his cunningly self-titled blog ‘Memphis Steve’s Nude Blog’, a place where unspeakable opinions and unpopular beliefs roam freely in a wonderland of as-yet undiagnosed mental illness. It makes my heart glad to see TWG mentioned in the same breath as these giants of liberal thought such as ‘The False Rape Society’, ‘Men Without Penises’, ‘Memoirs of a Misogynist’, ‘All Women Are Cunts Except For Your Mother’ and ‘For All I Know Your Mom’s a Cunt Too’…


Kitty said...

well. i'm so pleased i could furnish you with a topic about which to post.

this is not the first time. that bloke who photographs his food in the NHS hospital got some excellent fodder out of me, with my excellent idea about jamie oliver reforming the hospital food.

but did that fucking twat even acknowledge my comment in which i suggested it?

no. he did not. he then went on to blatantly ignore the next two comments i left, which made pointy, sniping references to the fact he was USING MY GREAT IDEA THAT HE HIMSELF HAD NOT THOUGHT OF EVEN THOUGH HIS ENTIRE (BORING) BLOG IS ABOUT NHS FOOD AND HOW BAD IT IS and not even CREDITING ME.

at least you are my bitch and know better than to ignore me completely, but don't think i missed the subtle fuck you in the decision to not bother hyperlinking to my masterpiece of pinkness.

that would make five links (that i know about) in a week. mwaaahahaha.

my plan to take over the universe is gathering momentum!

for this disgustingly offensive oversight - i'm deleting myself an entire 26 minutes.


Memphis Steve said...

What can I say? I know fine whine when I read it. You are indeed one of the best aged French-Jewish whines of all time. I say this as a world-class whiner myself. Or world-ass, whichever the case may be. Either way, I'm proud to be listed in the company of such champions of virtue as Kitty and Spiky. They both love/loath me to such a degree as to cause me to blush with fear/embarrassment.

Your blog is one-of-a-kind, and we're all grateful for that.

fingers said...

Kitty: I would happily hyperlink you but I'm especially retarded at blog housekeeping. Perhaps I could give you my password and you could pop in and sort my IT issues out for me.

MS: You're too kind, mate. I'm sure that anyone who read your last peice was hoping it would be...

Memphis Steve said...

See, that's why I like you so much. You're always encouraging me to write more. Not better. Just more. And that's right up my alley.

Ute said...

I have put you in my bog roll. But do not expect you to return the favour.[and KNOW you wont!]

I like to 'pay it forward'... let those who are in the dark find something worth reading. =)

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh out loud.

You are not on my blog roll list but you are in my heart. :)

From a grade-A kiss ass.

Kitty said...

you highlight the text i.e the word "Kitty". then you click the hyperlink key (which is green and has little chain link type things) and then you put my blog address in there.

are you that retarded.

go do it.

i'll wait here. *picks nose*

unique_stephen said...

I'm always confusing you and the dinosaur blog I follow, you old fossil.

electro-kevin said...

There's some brilliant talent out there (all those listed). There'll always be a caucus of talented people who cannot stop writing blog-stuff.

The problem is when people stop reading. That would be really sad.

I think blogging is a terrific medium for people with talent who weren't lucky enough to get stardom. Some of the best work is in the comments. What a fantastic outlet for people.

Long may it live !

Bad Bob said...

At one time, I was a more prolific writer, but for some reason I don't have the imagination any more to come up with a lot of witty or unusual things to write about.
My new job takes up a whole lot more time than I would like as well.
So how's that for a whine?

xl said...

Blog roll fixation may be related to pee-pee size/Porsche ownership issues.

EmmaK said...

Thanks v much for not mentioning me! you Bar Steward

I am pretty sure we could make beautiful music together but for the trifling matters that you are:

1. an old man
2. a misanthropic bastard
2. I weigh 100 lb too much to be your ideal woman and my legs are more pit pony than gazelle

I still believe I am yr no 2 fan after Kitty! And I am getting pretty tired of stalking you - sitting in the holly bush outside your house is getting spikes lodged in my ass.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Rug-muncher! Rug-muncher! I munch on one rug and suddenly I’m known as a rug muncher.

I dance…fabulously (pats self on back) I might add. I sing wonderfully…just wait till I sing Grace Slick’s White Rabbit for you in my blackest books.

I’m also an actor…yes actor. No female in the biz says ‘actress’ that’s for outsiders. Oh and I’ve performed at The Garcia and at the Melodrama Theater…eh, always a ‘bit player.’ I was cast as a cat in ‘Cats’ and sang had duets.

I even fucked the director…um …after I got the part offer, of course. He took a liking to my many skills *cough* as a singer and dancer and actor.

And by the way…I’m bi-sexual, though I do love women hard and while I’m at it…my favorite color is spring.

God I remember the first time I was called a “Rug Muncher. I was at a swanky restaurant on Sunset Blvd and I swear I tripped cause I had on my new pair of heels. I fell face down on the restaurant carpet and I couldn’t help myself…some waiter/waitress must have spilled a cheesecake dessert right on that very same spot, because after one mouthful of carpet/dessert…I was hooked on rug munching.

Fingers baby, really I am honored you mentioned me on your blog.

I think about the little things that make life great and this…this isn’t one of them.

Hehehe…but it’s pretty damn close.

I kid you sweetie. What can I say about The Whine Guide? How many adjectives can one use to describe TWG? I settled on one…Splendid. Splendid is an adjective used for the very best (whine) wines…

I quickly gormandize your words at TWG, becoming a denizen and I quickly understood that you were not looking for sycophants. But one can’t help but admire the person you are…and though you reflect a certain image, I have seen past some of the smoke and mirrors and have had a glimpse of your heart. You’ve touched me many times. And have I ever complained? No…I quite liked it. So this is one of the reasons they call you fingers. :0) I heart you lots baby…

Pourquoi, you may ask.

Tu aimes jover avec le feu...need I say more?

Here’s where I ride off with the music of ‘Ride of the Valkyries.’

Ciao sweetie. xxx

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers babe...did you know that Beethovan's Fur Elise was originally named 'Fur Therese?' Because of his scruffy handwriting, his publisher just mistook it as Elise.

It was a birthday present for a student of his...Therese. we called him in band-camp proposed marriage...but she married a baron instead.

Um...well did you know that?

xxx later sweets.

Madam Z said...

Whew! I'm glad I never figured out how to make a "blog roll (though my jelly rolls are quite delicious)," because I wouldn't like to be one of the subjects (victims) of your razor-sharp wit (no, really! You are funny as hell!), because I am such a shy, shrinking violet that I would have become quite blue if my favorite guide to fine whines had disparaged my dying (but not dead yet) blog.

Kitty said...

emma- for an old, size-ist, misanthropic whiner, he's actually a really, really good root.

oh and the butter pizza...!


...well...SO I HEARD anyway.

fingers said...

Ute: Tell you what...I'll add you to the blogroll on TWG but you have to choose a blog that must die in order for yours to live.

SK: Watch out I don't stop short suddenly or you might break your nose.

Kitty: Sounds like a lot of work to me.

US: There's a mass extinction heading your way, Megasaurass.

EK: I'd have happily lampooned you too but your blogroll is just so fucking sensible.

BB: No need to make excuses for your lack of wit, mate. The world needs leaf-blowers too.

xl: Thanks for the diagnosis, Sigmund Shadenfreude.

Emmak: Bar steward ?? I love that; what a great insult. The reason I didn't include you in the post is simply that there's nothing remotely funny about your blogroll, baby. No gays, no lezzers, no eating delusional messiahs. In fact there's nothing in your whole blog I can find to criticize. It's plump, pink and perfect...just like you.

Spiker: No idea what you're waffling about but I do love a chick that talks dirty in French to the strains of heavy German classical music.

Z: I've got the paddles charged and ready for you, baby.

Kitty: Are you marking your territory again...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers don't know French do you?

mon means 'I like to play with fire.' And Wagner eh...I'm not to fond of...except for maybe two pieces.

I know...i'm waffling again.

later honey...have a fab day.

Archivist said...

Hey jackass, our icon at False Rape Society is Prof. Alan Dershowitz. But what the hell would you care about things like the ACLU and the Innocence Project.

Anonymous said...

You're a funny fucker, Fingers. That post could not have come at a better time today.
Thanks, cuntface.

fingers said...

Arcy: You got that right, cuntox. I don't give a flying fuck about your website, the ACLU or Alan Dershowitz. Not on this blog anyway. So take your barn of sacred cows and go peddle their sour milk elsewhere. As a former lawyer I'm well acquainted with your gripes and if I feel the need to make a serious point I'll come over to FRS and make it. If I want to do funny, I'll do it here.
But since you put forward the iconic Mr Dershowitz as some kind of unarguable justification for your cause, would you care to explain his astonishing success rate in defending accused murderers. Either the District Attorneys charge a lot of innocent people for murder in the US or Dershowitz is a very good manipulator of the system ?? I know where my money would be, Shit Head.

Jen: You're welcome...

Ute said...

A pitty the Archivist isn't on your bog roll, otherwise I would've nominated them to die, and for me to take their place...

electro-kevin said...

Fingers - despite the mellowness of my previous comment I was really hurt at being left out. Now you've explained why things are better.

I no longer think you are a total cunt.

Anonymous said...

Deduction: As a person becomes more and more acclaimed in the blog world, the natural progression is towards a bad state of mental health, obsessive behavior, and minor criminality such as stalking.
Interesting, so its more of a regression..
Im processing your post.. and analysing the comments.
Very interesting..
Im concerned I may be getting stalked..

EmmaK said...

@Kitty...I'm pretty sure you haven't ridden Finger's pork sword ... or him being jewish would it be one of those sausages made from tofu??

@Fingers...don't leave me and E-K out again okay, we can't help it if we weren't born Aussies okay? Kev was ready to commit suicide by throwing himself off a train and I was going to kill myself by oding on pizza.

cat said...

Uhm.....Did I mentioned that my Husband is (16) years older then myself? "Love me some older men!"

Just to mention the fact that I LOVE older men;)

I adore you sweets. You run up there next to......well, nothing. Your it!

I have been so blessed to meet such awesome people like: XL, Kitty, yourself, Memphis, Unique, Spiky and Kate, who I read daily.

I so appreciate your support through my....., well illness and want you all to know I think the world of you all and thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm doing well in-fact I believe I'm doing great, because of all your love and support.

Thanks so much, Cat.

Anonymous said...

You are linked on my blog Mr F, and always have been, though I rarely write about lesbianism or swearing. My most recent post is on cooking with cheese, I expect you have already read it and scribbled down a few hints?

Ms Smack said...

Darl, you've been linked on my blog since maybe 2006? 2007? I can't remember. I link you because I read you; not because I want to play nice.

One day I'll come back, and you'll still be there.



I have you linked even though we hate each other because when I have lost my 'nasty' mojo I can live vicariously through yours. It fills me with inspiration and motivates me to be meaner.Sadly, my 'mean' is having to be doled out on real life people and even I only have so much to go around.

I didn't knlow you were Jewish.

* now reconsiders my conversion :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...'re Jewish?

Oy vey (woe)

Really I didn't know you were Jewish. Um...I've had Jewish in me too...several (lots) times, though I'm still goy.

later honey. xxx

Kitty said...

@emma - i did fuckin' so! i go every year, my crack is kosher as

fingers said...

Ute: I just took exception to being called a jackass by a stranger who obviously missed the point of my post; I wasn't making a political statement.
Then to hide behind the ACLU banner and call me names really made me want to put my 2c worth in. Apparently free speech or the right to make jokes is not a civil liberty these guys care to uphold unless the views freely expressed are in agreement with theirs. It's like getting death threats from a pro-life organisation.
And as for that cunt Dershowitz...a cursory look at his client list...Mike Tyson, Michael Milton, Harry Reems, OJ you all the info you'll ever need to work out his putrid agenda.
Typical 'I'd rather 100 mosters go free than have 1 innocent man convicted' bullshit.

E-K: Shit, now I have to start all over again.

Levi: Um, who's doing the regressing; me or my loony commenters ??

Emma: Of course Kitty hasn't done it with me. If I did it with her then I'd have to do it with all of them.

Cat: And if I was going to do it with a fellow blogger you'd be in my Top 3 for sure. Keep getting weller please.

Mutley: Did you just call me a have been ??

Smack: Now baby, you know this isn't really a post about blog roll etiquette. I just saw an opportunity to have some fun and took a few liberties.

Uber: I didn't know I was Jewish either. I have an undisguised loathing of all religions; Judaism, Christianity (and all its conveniently regional variations), Islam (especially), Hindu and even Buddhism...hey I even called a 90-year old Lama a cunt once for questioning my sense of enlightenment. If anyone needed to enlighten-up it was that bald bastard.

Spiker: I wouldn't even pretend to be Jewish for the jokes.

Kitty: What took you so long...

Memphis Steve said...

I'm just hopeful that Mr. Archivist found you through Technorati and not through me. Some people do that, you know, go on Technorati and search for any hits using their own name and then go hunt down every single one to either soak up the attention or attack those who criticize. I think perhaps he has no clue who you are or what you're about. Speaking of that, Don Rickles was on Letterman last night. I thought I heard him call Letterman a cunt, but I may have been mistaken.


LOL @ enlightening the lama.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I'd put you on my blogroll if you would let me borrow your avatar every now and then to give my enemies free rides.

Anonymous said...

Well, iv news for you. Please put me on your roll...
I qualify.
Iv been told in no uncertain terms that I am psycho.
Please prepare my room, the green one.

Kylie said...

Oh look out, she special bus just pulled up.

fingers said...

MS: Let's find out. Hey Archy, Technorati this...'False Rape Society, bunch of cunts, cowards, hypocrites, whining pack of impotent circle-jerkers'.

Uber: Don't LOL on here. It's undignified.

Shelley: I think you'll need a hand with about 500 more fingers.

Levi: You have a lot to learn about being a psycho. Psychos never say 'Hey I'm a big psycho'...they say 'Look I'm no psycho but...' and then they say something utterly psychotic. Isn't that right, Shelley ??

Kyile: Well your usual seat next to the unlicked window is still free...

Memphis Steve said...

Look, I'm no psycho, but Kylie's avatar always makes me want ice cream. And porn. What's up with that? It must be the tongue. And that winkie eye makes me think of anal. Have you ever seen a porn film where the woman taking it from behind doesn't have a look on her face that just screams ... well, just screams? I mean, even the pros can't make that look like they're enjoying it. Their mouths are saying "yes yes yes" and their faces are saying "UGH, get out of my ass!"

Anonymous said...

And remember im "SKIETZZO"


English: Multiple personalities, as can be seen from 2 sites, two avatars..

Afrikaans: Skiet = Shoot
Ou = Person, thats fukken irritating me. Got it? :)
With a smile, actually.
Keep my seat on the bus, I want to sit next to lovely Kylie.

As to the Anal stuff up there ^^?
Dude, you need to use astro lube man, and give them a half litre of Spice Gold to relax.

Not more than half a litre...

Otherwise the sphincter could relax tooo much..

nt good, nt good....

yippiekyo mutherfvcker!!


Please refrain from pissing on the classiest thing I have ever done.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Negative. One finger will do. Since they all think alike, when you put your finger up one of their asses, the rest of them feel it.

Cowards tend to always need groups to carry out their dirty work.

Anonymous said...

I would NEVER abandon my favourite straight man from my blog roll :) I hope I'm your favourite bitch boy

Fanny said...

I liked being Fanny Arkenfargle better than being Very Fanny. Because I am not Very Fanny at all.

rage said...

You're on my blogroll too fartknocker-but not because I expect anything in return...going down?

You don't write like anyone else and there is a smart-ass charm to your posts.

Keep em coming.



Don't you think it's high time for another post?

We need more spite on the net![all these 'nice' blog posts are killing me!]

Anonymous said...

I put you on my blog roll because when I was new to the blogosphere and visiting Electro Kevin you were always there giving him a fair bit of shit on his posts.

Of course...this was before he faked his own death and then came back a month later...

Kisses Baby