Thursday, July 29, 2010

for my mate, bammers...

A close friend of mine is currently going through a painful separation with his wife of seventeen years. The specific details are not important; suffice to say there is the usual supply of pain, suffering, guilt, regret, denial and anger on both sides.
What’s slightly different about this situation is that I’m seeing it played out for the first time in an arena which includes the social media network.
Facebook !!!
A separation is often similar to the wedding for many guests; friends of the bride on one side…friends of the groom on the other. You pretty much get the same seat for both events unless you’ve managed to cross the floor in the meantime.
Female friends of the groom often cross the floor simply due to the irresistible force of Gender Gravity or an acutely overdeveloped Sense of Sisterhood…whilst female friends of the bride only ever cross the floor when they find out she’s been sleeping with their husbands or boyfriends.
Male friends of the groom almost never cross the floor because they are loyal and true to the bitter end…and it provides excellent camouflage in case they want to take a shot at the outgoing wife somewhere down the track…whilst female friends of the groom have almost no reason to cross the floor other than just to hang out with all the girls and talk shit.
On ‘Facebook’, you indicate your intention towards either camp by using the friend/de-friend button, which because of the accompanying changes to your privacy/privilege settings, necessarily gives you a very different view of the action afterwards, once the post-matrimonial fur starts to fly.
Of course some guests remain loyal to both camps…which is terribly admirable and non-judgmental of them…and for which they are duly rewarded by being branded a spy in the event of any leaks between the camps.
But enough of the cyber-politics associated with divorce-watching…the real point of this post is to solidify the combined wisdom, advice and messages of support that one sees on a ‘Facebook’ separation thread into one universally idiomatic masterpiece.

And the truth is that life goes on…despite apparently being too short for some but long enough for others…to heal all wounds and regrets…although you should never really have them…and that as long as you move on…and keep moving…whilst at the same time remembering to stand tall with your head held high and your chin up…that some doors will close and others will open…proving you can never really know what’s just around the corner…although you can always be sure the sun will continue to shine…because tomorrow is another day…and there are plenty of other fish in the sea…

102 comments:

emma said...

oh you missed a few:

- don't hate because hate is the flip side of love. you'll know you have moved on when all you feel is indifference.

- there will always be a place reserved in your heart for them.

- never regret anything that once made you happy.

- any song lyrics from peter gabriel and kate bush's "don't give up" or anything by sting.

and my personal favourite from a dear old nanna i once knew:

"lovers are like buses, wait long enough and another one will soon come along."

BamBamBam said...

hahah thanks Fingers -- much appreciated and as always very funny. As Emma said, looking forward to just feeling indifferent!! In the mean time, I'm about a month away from automatic admission to the monkhood -- help!!!

xl said...

That last paragraph was put together from all of the old fortune cookie fortunes laying on your coffee table, wasn't it?

Fanny said...

I'm 5foot4 ... and available.

Fanny said...

D-I-V-O-R-C-E next week, actually. 18 years.
As my ex keeps saying, you don't get that long for murder.
C**t

Clyde said...

Not the smartest thing to do, playing it all out in public---well, unless you hold the undoubted high ground and you have already done property settlement.
If you start throwing historical shit after being with someone for 17 years, you are just showing that you were prepared to settle for mediocrity for an extended period

UBERMOUTH said...

Now who is getting soft? :)

Your last paragraph indicates that one of the party reads you and that was your support[hard guy]. :)

You're right though except that I don't think it admirable that one stay friends with both being admirable. It's a conflict of interest as there is always[even if perceived] an 'injured party' in a marital fracture and one needs to support one or the other or neither.

I would not have liked my friends to have been equally friendly with my ex ,for I think,that to be friends to both is really to be no friend to either.

Too many people when they split up feel the need to desstory the other infront of their friends and anyone who will listen.

It's a shame that need to mortally wound is there and one can't curb the impulse.

When I divorced my husband I never trashed him to his friends- I walked away from everybody[ as they were his friends]Except for the ones who came on to me[which I thought dispicable].

But I DID tell a lot of secrets, in no flattering terms, to my pillow.

I can't imagine people bringing their marital woes to a social networking site.

Sulpicia said...

Aw. That final paragraph was so touching.

Facebook should only be for status lines like: "Should I slice my English muffin with a knife or tear it apart at the seams?" You know... The REALLY important questions in life. All the comments that came saved me from a really dark time in my life.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hi baby.

"I think it is all a matter of love the more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is."
- Vladimir Nabokov

sweetie...this is no time to go fishing even if there are lost fish in the sea. You need to take your mate out and hit the clubs. The day shines brighter after getting laid...

'Gone With The Wind.' that was gone with the wind...right?
Scarlet O'Hara...'Tomorrow is another day.'

sweetie, sorry to hear that your mate marriage didn't work out. I hope for the best to each.
later baby. xxx

Memphis Steve said...

I can sympathize. I think I'm about to slam a door on my way out.

fingers said...

emma: I tend to see lovers like buses too. They're noisy, expensive to run...and you know that someone has been sitting on the seat before you.

Bammers: I don't think my splendidly dignified blog is an appropriate place to go begging for sex.

xl: Honestly, for the most part it really was a distillation of the messages left on his FB thread.

Fanny: You cougar. Do you think my splendidly dignified blog is an appropriate place to answer desperate pleas for sex. Actually, you two would make a cute couple. At 5'4" you'd make Bammers feel like Michael Jordan.

Clyde: It wasn't played out in public at all. But the intermediate announcement was made on FB. It's the new forum for births, deaths and marriages/divorces.

Uber: Yes, I'm in my mate's camp. I'm his rock. His font of relationship advice. A bit like taking driving lessons from a Chinese chick. And BTW...I do remember your very private, very civilized break-up with Crushed on your blog. Plonker.

Sul: See, I was lucky my marriage dissolved before FB was invented because my message board of support would have read something like 'As ye sew so shall you reap...ain't Karma a bitch...you so deserved that you selfish uncaring insensitive sack of shit...'

Spiker: Yes I'm taking Bammers to all the cool clubs for middle-aged divorced men hoping to meet desperately lonlely supermodels. Sydney is awash with those. Plonker. And BTW...Nabokov was a paedo.

LD: And for those that never learn there's always the prospect of getting a dog and drinking mugs of hot chocolate.

MS: Aw mate...would you like a cuddle too...

Kitty said...

oh smoopie do you think bammers will friend ME if i send the first pixel? i want in on Team Bammers!

...maybe i should include a message on my friend request, telling him how i'm a minty-fresh estranged spouse myself, and how i'm a bit of a slut after two chardies, oh - and that my best feature is being able to suck the colour off a marble...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...I'm greek so I sort of know a few things.

paedo...is that earth or soil. Or even child...maybe.

I think he was more an opheliac sweetie.

He wrote of it so well. He most certainly must have had that to draw from when he wrote Lolita.

Don't you agree?

baby...have a wonderful weekend and have fun at the clubs. woo!

Madam Z said...

Marriage is an unnatural and unwise contrivance. If you have kids together, you should try to stick it out until they're launched, then head for the door. Try not to make the same mistake again...and again...

UBERMOUTH said...

That git was not my husband and if you recall it was him who was going all the girly screetching[and still does THREE yrs later]...I merely tried to stop his girly manipulations.

{ I have ended with 2 more men since-and not a word out of my mouth, which proves- avoid 'girls' online.]

But,thanks for reminding me of him btw!


So, heard from the ex wife lately? :)

UBERMOUTH said...

* To Spiky,
He's having menopausal hotflashes,let's split. :)

BamBamBam said...

There's been no slagging off, just a post on facebook to tell everyone I'm separated...

Fanny ... I'm 5foot6 ... and available!

Kitty ... tee up something thru Fingers next time you're in town...

Go Team Bammers!!

Electro-Kevin said...

"Female friends of the groom often cross the floor simply due to the irresistible force of [female] Gender Gravity ..."

Gender Gravity ? I thought this was down to the suction.

Plenty more fish in the sea ? I think you misheard the newsreader there, Fingers. They said TWENTY more fish in the sea.

Taunted said...

And at what point did I puke at that last post....

Kitty said...

bammers i'm invited to the 50th, but i have to sit on the misfit table.

i bet you are on the impotent table with fingers, aren't you?....hmmm....

well, hear me out! see, if you convert me into your +1, i get off the retard table and to be blunt, you'll get off too...

CALL ME.

BamBamBam said...

haha it's a date kitty kat. (fanny please note my flawless use of the apostrophe)...

Fanny said...

Noted.

fingers said...

Kitty: Any chance you can come over to Cunt Point and suck the bleach stain out of my black marble bathtub ??

Spiker: I think an opheliac is someone who enjoys Shaespeare.

Z: Always good to hear from a satisfied customer. You know why divorce is so expensive ?? Coz it's worth it.

Uber: I've started a new blog in your honour. It's called 'Chicks to Avoid on the Net'.

Bammers: If you keep fiddling with my harem I'm going to have to have you neutered like a blog eunuch.

E-K: The suction caused by the vacuum in their heads ??

Taunted: Beats me, cunt.

Kitty: I thought you were going to dance on the misfit table. With your lampshade on your pointy little head.

unique_stephen said...

Mate - If that little dash gets Fanny's attention I'm going the with the 'em dash': —
followed by the double oblique hyphen ⸗
- How do you like that punctuation.
(Question mark deliberately missed as it was a rhetorical question - I'm not actually asking for a root, well not directly at any rate)

Kitty said...

MY. HEAD. IS. NOT. POINTY.

*cries*

Fanny said...

Nothing like a bit of Comma Sutra to get over that "first one since separation" hump.

BWater said...

playing it out in public you say Fingers?

"BamBamBam said...
There's been no slagging off, just a post on facebook to tell everyone I'm separated..."

that hardly sounds like a fully blown fuck fest laid bare in front of the world wide web that is all their thousands of friends on facebook !

or is someone embellishing another story?

Fingers, from your story it seems that Bambambam has some sort of broken heart, implying the evil bitch did the serving of papers. Which means she's either fucking the plumber and getting a proper pipe cleaning for a change or he's a lying little scumbag cunt who is out there looking to touch any little putang that happens to drift by. The latter probably makes more sense considering he's a man. Either way I'm on her side of the dance floor cause by all accounts he's gotta be a dead fuck as he seems keen to prove otherwise by serving some sausage to any one of these trolls who has a vagina.

facebook seperation I dont think so.

mission to get your cunt mate a fuck , maybe

Memphis Steve said...

If I were single do you think Kitty would finally friend me? I'm guessing not, but I can always drink heavily and pretend.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Wishing well for your friend Bammers, although I'm sure he'll be just fine. =]
Funny enough...a separation can be compared to funerals too. The camp is often divided then as well, with much fighting over who has the right to grieve more or feel they deserve the most sympathy. There is nothing quite like a life event to bring out the beast in people.
xx

BamBamBam said...

@Bwater ... broken heart: correct! ... evil bitch: wrong... fucking the plumber: wrong... little scumbag cunt: way off... dead fuck: further off... mission to get me a fuck: not even close... you got 1 out of 6.

But thanks for all those rubbish, uninformed judgments, you idiot.

fingers said...

US: Hey, who are you calling 'a little dash' ?? My mate might not be a giant but there's no need for name calling.

Fanny: Comma Sutra...ho ho ho...you could be a gag-writer on Frasier.

BWater: I'm not sure if there's any way to quantify stupidity like yours. 'Playing it out' refers to the separation, not the reasons for it. Not that explaining this will do a pot-plant like you any good. Anyway, your breathtakingly moronic assumptions aside, let's see if we can work out your story. I'd say you're American judging from the use of 'serving the papers', probably female given the misandric 'probably makes more sense considering he's a man' remark, prone to a general feeling of abandonment my men if 'serving some sausage to any one of these trolls who has a vagina' is any indication. And you aren't a very good speller ('seperation')...so I'd have to conclude you're a dumb, deranged, butt-ugly moose-pig living in Cuntsville, Arizona. Come back soon though.

MS: No, she wouldn't. Grab a bottle of Jim Beam and get drinking.

SC: Fine ?? He's doing better than me already...the little cunt...

BWater said...

@whamBambambamthankyoumaam and @fingers ... gee thank you both for putting me straight because I would hate to pass judgment on a one sided, misinformed, highly embellished, unsatisfying story. Rubbish indeed.

Why didn't you bullet point the "lying" part of my comment ... maybe a little too close to home truths.

and sweetheart if any one in this is the idiot I'd say its the clown who's letting 17 years of marriage (and probably children) slip through his Fingers and then having Fingers blog about it.

Fingers you are starting to sound like someone who works for OFSTED, or maybe a failed bitter private school english teacher. I know one thing you are and that's a perspicacious sesquipedalian. why is it so necessary, it just makes you sound obnoxious.

go stick that in ya search engine
xoxo

fingers said...

BW: I didn't bullet-point you coz I didn't know you'd made any points, Bullet Head. Sesquipedalian...let's have a crack at that without Googling, eh. 'Sesqui'...that's latin for one-and-a-half...and 'pedalian' probably refers to feet...so I'd say you're alluding to my 18" cock. No idea what 'perspicacious' means but hey, who cares when you have an 18" cock. Now get over here and I'd be happy to insert it in your ass for you, Fuckwad...

BWater said...

@Fingers

"I didn't bullet-point you coz I didn't know you'd made any points, Bullet Head. "

coz ? ! as in cousin ? what the fuck does your cousin have to do with this? Unless you are somehow trying to placate me by incorporating me into your family...

The bullet points reference was actually talking to your divorcé. not you.

Though, one thing I have noticed in my time is that if a man has been lucky enough to be born extremely well endowed he rarely has the need to flaunt it by telling everyone about it as its passed down by whispers (or screams of extreme pleasure) from the men and women who have actually experienced the python first hand.
Generally, any man who proclaims to have an 18 inch cock actually is a complete bore in bed due to his pin sized appendage which even viagra has issues with due to his years of drug/alcohol abuse causing massive impotency. Hours of foreplay to get no cock is no fun.

If you're going to criticize others for their tiny indiscretions of spelling, abbreviations, general text talk. Then you had better make sure you're squeaky fucking clean yourself, coz.....

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers: AHA....you know Shakespeare my dear. You connected the reference 'opheliac' with Ophelia...a fiction character in 'Hamlet.' And that connects you to Shakespeare. Meaning, you my dear man have studied Shakespeare. How else would you know of Ophelia? Which also tells me you know quite a bit of Shakespeare and in knowing so much...means you surely must have enjoyed it. Why else would you continue to study William Shakespeare's works.

SO...I say this. YOU ENJOY SHAKESPEARE!!!

And that makes you a Opheliac.

I rest my case your honor.

later baby...and hey, you can be my BETA anyday. Feel free to correct any spelling...et cetra, et cetra.
(((MWUAH)))

Memphis Steve said...

This place is getting lively again. It's starting to remind me of the days when some guy named Lonewolf, or something, used to go at it with a certain former Sydney blogger and Kylie, and by 'go at it' I mean fight like cats and, er, dog.

Lonewolf? Beowulf? I can't remember what he called himself, but there was some kind of heat going on between them. And then Kylie threw a Moltov cocktail on the whole thing and it got REALLY good. So I guess what I'm saying is, I hope you don't squash BWater too quickly 'cause this shit is the most fun the blog has had in awhile. People used to tell me that liked it best when I blogged as 'angry Steve' and I suspect the same is true of 'angry Fingers.'

Maybe this is how Jerry Springer managed to stay on the air for so long?

BamBamBam said...

OK Bwater, the game is up! I've used my extensive IT skills and tracked you down... Everyone may follow this link to see who you really are!!!! http://www.generally-speaking.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/Internet-Warrior.jpg

BWater said...

@whamBambambamthankyoumaam

"the game is up "

What game ?

The rush to your link was bigger than the crush at the calvin klein underwear counter of a Bloomingdale Summer Sale.

so with your reference to a game you mean this is not reality and therefore you can say,do,fuck,finger whatever/whoever you like ?

'cause who'd really want to live in reality hey ?!

I'm just waiting for an invite to the 50th !!

I can only imagine

ps@memphis steve
"I hope you don't squash BWater too quickly 'cause this shit is the most fun the blog has had in awhile."

that's enough for me ...I'll take that one to the grave
I'm easily pleased

Steph said...

Ohh juicy, this is why I peruse the internest*. Drama,drama,drama!







One of the reasons, the other being of course, free porn.

Carry on. Handbags at ten paces ladies. Chop. chop!

fingers said...

BW: Listen up !!! What sort of a cunt turns up on a blog, anonymously...and starts creating mock-havoc ?? What's your fucking point ?? Do you see yourself as some sort of Dark Knight, some kind of Machiavellian intellectual anti-hero spreading fear through the blogoshphere by forcing people to confront the difficult questions ?? Pruning your second last comment back to the branches, you seem to think I have a substance abuse problem and a limp dick as a result. Champagne sledging. I could play you off the break if I felt like it.

Spiker: I loathe Shakespeare. He's nearly as boring and long-winded as BWater. I suspect both of them got beaten up regularly at school for their writing.

MS: Nah, this is just a shoving contest compared to the stoush I had on FB a month or so back. At least those morons had some passion about them.

BBB: I think BWater would be more intimidated by your extensive IT skills if you'd managed to hyperlink that site with a little more concision.

BW: You're amazing. Ever thought about starting a blog and getting in the game yourself ??

Steph: Hi baby...kisses on all your pink bits...xxx

UBERMOUTH said...

Well,that just flatters me no end! LOL

I take pride in being 'hated',anyone can be nice. :)

I gte death threats from other bloggers and everything.

Now THAT'S success!

Jen said...

Geez Fingers, you try and do something nice for your mate and look at the shellacking you get!

BWater said...

@Fingers
"you seem to think I have a substance abuse problem and a limp dick as a result. "

No one can be as fat as you and have a substance abuse problem

actually I think you and I are neighbors to be honest
I found your name and photo on
megans law
http://www.meganslaw.com/

Ute said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EmmaK said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
EmmaK said...

I'm pretty sure facebook isn't the right place to play out a separation....like hanging out your dirty skid marked underpants out to dry or summat

how are you you old mucker???? i am travelling the globe

BamBamBam said...

OK can I make something clear? I didn't "play out" my separation on FB. I merely thought after 3 months of living apart it was time to let my broader circle of friends know (as many didn't). It was a status update, an announcement, and was the first comment before or since about it.

@Fingers ... sorry about all this mate.

@BW ... seriously just fuck off, you blog-trolling cunt.

fingers said...

Uber: Are you still getting death threats ?? I stopped sending them ages ago...it must be someone else.

Jen: No good deed goes unpunished.

BW: Oh for fuck's sake !!! I have been trying for 4 years to find a decent hater and all I get is you. A learner troll.

Emma: It's not being played out on FB. Just an announcement followed by some social re-shuffling and alligning of allegiances. Anyway, where are you, you crusty old trout ??

BBB: Ha, don't apologise to me, mate. I doubt I could even offend myself and I'm the rudest person I know...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers baby, it's true Shakespeare was beaten up regularly. Even the girls made him their bitch.

later baby xxx

BWater said...

@Fingers

'original post' : "What’s slightly different about this situation is that I’m seeing it played out for the first time in an arena which includes the social media network.
Facebook !!!"

"Emma: It's not being played out on FB."

So which one is it you flip flopping subservient incontinent limped dick coke whore annoying little fat cunt ?

@Bam
"@BW ... seriously just fuck off, you blog-trolling cunt."

I reckon there is a good chance you didn't know what blog trolling was till this post.

fingers said...

BW: Brilliant work, Columbo. Except that I said 'in an arena which includes the social media network. Facebook !!!..' Which meant I got to see IT played out, partly in real life and partly in FB...hence the interest for me. I merely said to Emma that it wasn't being played out entirely on FB. Perhaps I could have done better with the distinction but since this is a blog and not an exam...you can suck my helmet...

BWater said...

@fingers

"you can suck my helmet..."

not exactly an everlasting gobstopper now is it ?

fingers said...

BW: Lombay, is that you...you snail-eating sack of shit...

Memphis Steve said...

I keep flipping the channels and, sad to say, this is still the most exciting thing on right now.

BWater said...

@fingers

"Lombay, is that you.."

if you are going to start listing your potential haters we could be here for a while


but please go ahead

Steph said...

Sweet Christ what is going on in the blogosnore?
And who the fuck is this quivering twat that is failing spectacularly at trolling?
Seriously, this dazzling fangdangle of fucktardary is producing the textual equivalent of a Yak's bowel movement.
Where is the creativity? Where is the biting wit? Where is the hate and angst that normal trolls produce?

Bwater, you are a law of natural failure all unto yourself.
For embarrassing trolls the world over, introduce yourself to the business end of a .45 STAT!


Or try harder. Either/or!

BWater said...

@Steph

Its great how it's always the media types who demand more. "Where is the creativity? Where is the biting wit? Where is the hate and angst that normal trolls produce?"
what did nobody buy your drinks this friday, pay for your lunch, kiss each cheak and send you home to mummy and daddy for a nice cuddle on the couch away from those big bad two-faced meanies at the office.
"introduce yourself to the business end of a .45 STAT! "
I would but you're busy thumbing your clit with it ...be a sweetie n hand it over when you're done.

100 bucks says you black your eyes out 'cause they have a striking resemblance to those of Rodney Dangerfield's

I've noticed on your titillating blog that you've been in a state of hibernation for the winter, like some kind of rodent. could be best if you stayed there for the summer as well.

Steph said...

B'Fail, Is that all you got?
You disappoint me yet again, but I bet you're used to hearing that from females. Bless.

Congratulations though, I see your charisma bypass operation was a raging success but if I mistake you for a gangrene brained troglodyte, it's only because you are doing a first-rate impression of one.
In fact, you're indistinguishable.

Now slink off back to your haven of fail and let the adults converse, there's a good little tardling. xx

BWater said...

@fingers
where do you find these crazy crack whores who are increasingly impossible to please.
Steph get yourself down to your local sex shop, buy a big nasty brutally titanic dildo and do us all a favor by sticking it in your gob so we don't have to listen to your complaints about wanting more more more !
also what's the go with all these tard comments , "tardling","fucktardary" where have you lived for the last 50 years if you don't realise how offensive it is to use any variant of the word retard, you skanky armpit of a trailer trash junky. I hate to tell you this but gonorrhea is extremely difficult to cure once it becomes a personality trait ... but good luck with that xx

Steph said...

If you think Tard is offensive you must be the happiest little spastic in the sandpit Bfail!
Your intellectual poverty is noted and mocked, and as you are suffering from clue deficit disorder I'll spell it out for you. On your BEST day you can't come close to how fucking awesome I am, you are deficient in all that lends character and make me want to staple my flange SHUT.
You are a fat headed, loud mouthed malcontent, with waaaaaaaaay too much time on your hands.

Now, hitch up your petticoat and toddle off.
You are just not good enough to contribute here.
End of.

BWater said...

@Steph

"you can't come close to how fucking awesome I am"

Oh My God you must be a pain in the cunt to live with.

BWater said...

@Steph

oh and before you staple your flange SHUT can I please have my tonka sandbox force dump truck, my little league baseball bat, my rawlings pro5 foot ball and my ben ten omnitrix wristwatch. I think they got misplaced last time I was rummaging around in there. Don't mind the echo, that seems to be a natural occurrence in magical caves home to ancient fossil remains and extinct megafauna.

fingers said...

Steph: Hey, back off, Skank !!! BWater is MY troll. He/she might not be the best troll on the net but he/she is mine. You had your 15minutes of blog-fame. Not my fault all you got was admirers (Hi Memphis) and sycophants. I finally have someone who hates me and you're just jealous...

BamBamBam said...

@Bwater ... so let me get this straight. No-one here knows your identity, and everyone thinks you're a cunt, and yet you continue to waste your time trying to piss people off. Quality.

@Steph ... you are awesome.

fingers said...

There you go, Steph...a brand new ass-kissing sycophant for you to play with...now gimme back my shitty troll...

Steph said...

Sorry Fingers, but I like him. I want to put him in a cage and poke him with a stick every single day, it's just that much fun!

As for you B'fail, you dismally benign little spooge hobbit, it's blatantly obvious that you've never had flange, cavernous or otherwise, but your little crush on Fingers is getting embarrassing now. He's just not into you, honey. Face facts, move on, renew your subscription to "Bestiality Today" and go buy a little horse, sheep or goat, you know, the way your daddy did.

I'll give you this much though, you'd make a lovely corpse and I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers baby...I'm missing the show. Why didn't you tell me? I would've brought my own bottle of wine. Um...did you order pizza? Is it all gone?

Crap!

Oh my, the beautiful Steph in action. She always brings out the groupie in me. She makes me want to jump up and down as I clap my hands. Dang I wuv her.

Oh and hey...I was at the air port and you didn't pick me up. Where was my limo? I had to fight off the paparazzi. Okay there was only one guy but he was really annoying.

okay I have a front row seat...continue. :)

ciao baby.

UBERMOUTH said...

* Due to the 'sacrifice',I can accommodate[as she listens my wsise advice]but it'll cost you some acreage.

In the meantime, please send me your property link[and I'll get you an invite to her private ande exclusive blog]?

Otherwise, bub, you're kinda just stuck with me.

UBERMOUTH said...

OMG I missed ALL of this! Is the party over?

P.S I think Learner Troll is a girl. A fat , 4 eyed one that obviously spent far too much time with her nose in the dictionary when the rest of the world was going out on dates.

And she is obviously the [unmarried] friend of the bride.I bet you know her Bam[think who turned up covered in cat hair, a bad perm and glared at you just cuz you were a man?].

As she has arrested development in the whole boy-girl thing, I would take her 'attentions'[and dislike of the competition* Steph*] as a major crush, Fingers.

But on the positive- at least she's probably a virgin[and will pay for all the dates]. :)

Memphis Steve said...

Holy Christ, I think we're onto something here! So all we have to do to drag Steph out of boring married retirement is to make really weak attacks on Fingers, the only blogger she still reads, and the lameness of the insults will so offend her that she'll be unable to resist the urge to tear into the retarded troll, not for attacking Fingers, but for doing it poorly???

Good to know!

Steph said...

Ha! I wouldn't normally start a shitfight on someone else's blog, but it's only Fingers and I'm bored ;)

I think the troll is back under his bridge. Boo hoo.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers babe: That's it...a one-two punch and the throw down is over...I have to say, I'm really disappointed. God I remember when trolls used to be able to take a punch. And now it just takes the threat of being poked with a stick whilst being locked in a cage with duck tape over their mouth.

And let me tell you...being poked, caged, duck taped, well let me just say, in L.A. we pay for that kind of fun. Throw in a spanking and throw in another 100 bucks. Woo!

later sweetie. xxx

fingers said...

MS: '...bored married retirement...'...oh she's going to love that comment. Best of luck, mate.

Steph: Swivel, fish lips.

Spiker: OK, I want you to explain to the readers exactly WTF 'duck tape' is...and don't you dare even try to say you were just joking...:)...

BamBamBam said...

It's very useful for covering up quacks!

xl said...

Quack!

fingers said...

xl: Well that's great. Just fucking great. Made to look like a total cunt on my own blog. You can all go and get ducked...

UBERMOUTH said...

I think we should reinvent the Fight Club to the Troll Club.... we will all takes turns being the troll and the other bloodthirsties can all jump in!

The only rule is...there are no rules.

Who's up,first?

UBERMOUTH said...

Quick Fingers, piss someone else off!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers baby...duct...duck. baby, you're back. You're my beta again...yay! You know what a beta is, right? Every person involved in writing books knows what a BETA is. And how many times are you going to use the word...sycophant? I use it once months back and everyone is on it like a cucumber in a women's prison. Anyway sugar, y'all should know, it's just a part of my mid-western charm...plus I was a cheerleader and a I'm blond, yeah, I'm still blond...mostly. :)

(((MWUAH)))

later baby. xxx hehehe

Spiky Zora Jones said...

hum...I want to get ducked there. can I get spanked too. :)

xxx

Spiky Zora Jones said...

oh yeah, there's more.

Are you looking for your troll.
Pssst...look under the bridge.

Save me a seat and a slice of that thin crust, double mushroom pizza.

ciao honey. xx

BWater said...

"Every person involved in writing books knows what a BETA is" ...Spikey

please tell me Fingers isn't writing a book !

fingers said...

Uber: OK, batter-up. Piss me off if you think you can.

Spiker: I ordered some Duck Tape off that site. I am going to use it to keep those ducks quiet after I ducknap them from the park.

BW: Yeah, gimme your address and I'll send you a copy, you fucking spoon...

BWater said...

@fingers

I see your spoon

and raise you a fork

you forking cork soaker

UBERMOUTH said...

Fingers- This obvious disgruntled lover of yours is not making you look good !

BWater-Well, don't stop there!

Memphis Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Steph said...

Well this got lame rather quickly.
*sigh*

BWater said...

@fingers

and there I thought it was a massive chunk of cocaine hanging from your nose but it's clearer now that you have a bad case of Golden Steph Infection
since you are already a miserable carping little cunt it might be too late to have that treated

@goldenSteph

what's up baby doll ? why you so blue?

Steph said...

Oh the internet outlaw is back! Yay!
How are you? How is that flesh eating parasite that infected your brain? Has it starved to death yet?

fingers said...

Uber: I have no disgruntled exes out there. All my exes were fully gruntled when they left.

BW: Golden Steph !!! Awesome. I'd never have thought of that. Champagne comedy. I think I might have to call for my personal attack falcon.

Steph: And here she is. Sick 'em, Stephinator...

Steph said...

My brother has called me Staph since I was about 12.
Come to think of it, this guy is about as big a douche as Craig....it couldn't be....surely....

Argghhhhhhhhhh!!
P.S Fingers you should thank us, this is the most action this blog has seen since Kitty posted birthday flange for you.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

BWater...well yes, he is a published author, as I am. I was educated at the Sorbonne's illustrious L'Academie de Bourgeoisie Merde. Maybe you've read my novel Sex and the Single Deviant or maybe Rose Colored Glasses. And lastly...My Lilac-Scented Summer Crush.

Do you know what a beta is? Well fingers does. He is my muse and beta...sort of like Calliope which means 'Beautiful Voice' in Greek.

So you see Bwater...I adore the man
and as you get to know him more and more, so you will as well. But enough about him...let's talk about me. I'm cute as fuck, huh?

Finger...*waves* Hi baby. : )
Ciao honey.

JLee said...

Yeah, mine sorta played out on Facebook, so I ditched it. Blogger rules anyway. Oh yeah, now he is hitting on my friends via Facebook. That's always fun ;)

Kitty said...

kitty here - did someone mention my name - cause like, my flange was burning.

oh no, wait....no...that's EARS that burn when people mention me right?....so what does a burning flange stand for?

oh yeeeeah....HERPES.

Steph said...

About time you got here, whip it out kiitty cat, lets get him over the 100 comment mark :p

Kitty said...

oh steph, you know he is getting quite good at this 'blogging' malarky don't ya find?

i think he's going to earn 100+ comments all by himself in the not too distant future.

GO FINGERS!

Memphis Steve said...

GoldenSteph? Hmm. I thought only Steph's closest friends and most dedicated stalker knew about that nickname. Maybe it's coincidence and maybe it's an old blogger returning for another try at besting Evil Doctor Fingers and his female sidekick in expensive shoe(s). The plot thickens even as the number of comments creeps ever closer to that epic number 100. Will BathWater continue the sharp attacks for another round? Will Staph and Kitty talk amongst themselves long enough to send the comment count lurching beyond 100? Will I fill Fingers comments with stupid, rambling bullshit only marginally related to the issue at hand, whatever the fuck that may be? Tune in tomorrow, same Blog time, same Blog channel, and see for yourselves!

Kitty said...

this is too much.

TOO MUCH!!!

i need a mica unit.

BamBamBam said...

This is comment number 99.

Now Fingers can do his customary replies to everyone and bring up a fine captain's ton.

Congrats.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I just want to put you above the century mark babe. xxx

fingers said...

steph: What would I do without you, baby. Nothing like a smoking hot blonde on the blog to liven things up, eh.

spiker: 'L'Academie de Bourgeoisie Merde'...who's a clever girl ??

JLee: Best way to get even would be to have an affair with a blogger I say.

Kitty: You haven't got herpes. You just like rubbing cream into your flange.

MS: Stay tuned, mate. Things are about to get a little lively here on Channel TWG.

Bammers: Hard not to make a ton when the post topic was such an iconic figure.

Spiker: Did you just steal my thunder and rob me of the chance to make my 100th comment myself ?? I could delete you I guess...but I'd never do that to you...

canisthewolf said...

Steph, be a good girl(?) and open your blog up.