If you’re the sort of person for whom form will always out over substance, for whom quantity will always trump quality, or for whom the only purchasing consideration is maximising your bang-for-buck and impressing your friends, then you’re going to love the latest edition to the ‘BlogsR’Us’ line-up.
Courtesy of Western Australia (where else??) comes a new blog combining the vacuous grandeur of Rose Porteous with the colossal flash-in-the-pannery of Alan Bond; we give you ‘The Mountjoy’.
Its shiny, tacky exterior concealing a vast nothingness within, this wonder of cyber-economics provides more cubic gigabytes of blogging tedium per dollar than any other DIY template on the market.
From without it appears to be just like any other site, however take a peek inside and the genius of ‘The Mountjoy’s’ design soon becomes self-evident. The secret of ‘The Mountjoy’ lies in its patented construction technique; built almost entirely of inexpensive, easy-to-lay hyperlinks, modern miracles of blog-engineering, which are masterfully spaced between every second or third word of original, vapidly gossamer prose, allowing even the most ineffectual writer to create the illusion of substance.
Why spend wasteful years honing those non-existent skills when you can simply stand on the shoulders of giants, reprint their work, add a few conjunctions and dump it all in your personal internet-silo??
Stretching out to cyber-infinity, you’ll be delighted to find room after room after room of cheap, easy-to-fabricate storage, perfect for abandoning all that unpublished garbage you’ve accumulated over a lifetime’s scribbling. More than just a shrine to habitual, mainstream rejection, the ethereal quality of ‘The Mountjoy’ eventually fools even its proprietor into believing his blog is a distinguished body of work rather than just a barren wasteland of pop-culture dross.
Expansive use of the hyperlinks, combined with some clever exploitation of the surface area/volume paradox allows the owner of ‘The Mountjoy’ to apply a large percentage of his limited resources to maintaining the gaudy façade of the blog without compromising its potential shit-holding capacity.
This is blogging’s equivalent of ‘The McMansion’, with only the most sophisticated of site-seers able to comprehend that whilst there are many rooms in your mansion, most of them will forever remain very sparsely furnished…