Tuesday, June 06, 2006

go with god...you plonker...


OK…check this moron out.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/unusual-tales/man-who-was-testing-god-killed-by-lion/2006/06/05/1149359675280.html
I always get a laugh out of these stories; there are usually three or four of them scattered throughout the world press in any given year; some deranged God-fondler with a Daniel-complex enters the proverbial lion’s den, only to be given a disappointingly-fatal religious re-education and get his head gnawed off.
Inevitably it’s the same sort of knucklehead each time. A middle-aged male, German or South African, wearing robes and sandals, armed with nothing but a copy of The Bible and a strong, personal belief that his God will somehow protect him from the grisly fate otherwise assured by the large signs placed around the wild animal enclosures in all metropolitan zoos. The mortal conclusion, although colourfully entertaining for the kiddies, is often slow and painful for the adventurous believer and invariably comes shortly after his uttering the line ‘Yeah though I walk through the shadow of the Valley of Death, I shall fear no…’
Sometimes the choice of beast varies; lions seem to be the favourite carnivore for the majority of these Messianic nutbags, however I’ve read of incidents involving tigers, leopards, bears, crocodiles, pythons, gorillas and even honey bees.
One constant however seems to be that when the rescuers finally manage to drag the half-eaten/mangled/stung carcass from the arena, the bible found with the remains of the victim is always opened to Revelations, which appears these days to have become The Book of Loons; an all-purpose instruction manual for the suicidal zealot.
My question is: why try and save these idiots at all ??
They should be disqualified from taking any further part in the evolutionary process, according to Darwin’s principles, as surely as the deluded gonzo that severs his own penis in a fit of matrimonial rage…

18 comments:

W said...

Honey bees? Someone tested god with Honey bees?

I'm with you though - dude has to be this years winner of the Darwin awards.

fingers said...

Sometimes these incidents get caught on CCT video and I'm always delighted by the sudden look of disbelief on the former-believer's face at the precise moment the lion rips it off and chows it...

mushroom said...

scratch that god off the list of ones that work well. And scratch another idiot of the worlds collection.

Mex said...

i wonder if challenging fuckface would be similar to 'Daniel-ing' with a lion?

WJ said...

from the look of fuckface, I would have thought that it is more like putting fingers in a blender...

actonb said...

Ha! I do like it when God goes 'That's cool - go right ahead - I'm just testing these lions...' 'Oh. look at that: they work'
Christians do this all the time: it's called 'laying a fleece'. Usually not quite as drastic as our Ukrainian Daniel though. Never done it myself (tested God) Coz I know he has a sense of humour...

fingers said...

Every morning, I imagine God must log onto his e-mail and see the following sort of wish list from his whiny followers:

1. End the war in...
2. Cure...
3. Stop the famine in...
4. Make life bearable for...
5. Save another silly cunt from getting eaten after he jumps into the lion cage...

Not that he's doing a bang-up job on any of the important stuff, but I can't imagine #5 taking up too much of his time...

actonb said...

Most of the time it's
'Dear Lord, be with X, give him your strength & peace' etc etc
And he'd have SOOOOO many of them, he probably lets the lions do their thing simply for some light relief.

fingers said...

When I get busy here and I have 374 clients all yelling at me at once...'buy me 40 miilion this'...'sell me 20 million that'...'watch me at this rate for 10 million'...'have you done my order at that rate for 50 million'...I just tend to say 'FUCK THE LOT OF YOU'.
I suspect God moves in ways that are mysteriously similar to mine ??
I know he admires the way I do business...

welcome to wallyworld said...

Where's the Mountjoy review?

Mountjoy said...

Yes. I've ordered a couple of extra kegs and the party pies are all in the oven getting warm, awaiting the stampede of traffic to my blog when you bring me fame.

fingers said...

Oh, it's coming Donnie.
It's simply that I prefer to craft each piece then polish it like a fine stone before putting it on the site.
The death of 'Ribbed' convinced me there is no market for the hastily put-together ravings of a misogynistic lunatic...

Mountjoy said...

...there is no market for the hastily put-together ravings of a misogynistic lunatic...

I guess this place is well and truly down the shitter then.

fingers said...

By the way, I certainly plan to cross-link to all your fabulously entertaining blogs at some stage...as soon as I figure out how to do it...

mushroom said...

why dont you pay Blog r Us to update it?

fingers said...

Have you seen some of the utter cunts who write for 'BlogsR'Us' ??
With my luck they'd probably give the job to Mountjoy and I'd be dead inside a week...

Mountjoy said...

At least you'd have a bigger body of work to be forgotten by...

Ms Smack said...

I reckon thats Gods way of getting rid of morons.

good job.