Wednesday, August 09, 2006

use the right word...


There are some beautiful languages in the world, so it’s with great regret that I can only lay claim to speaking one of them fluently: English (I have a reasonable grasp of Japanese, though not enough to fool a native-speaker over the age of five.)
Each language seems to have a nuance of its own, as though specifically created for one particular aspect of life.
For instance, if one has to speak of love, what better language to do it in than French?? Practically everything sounds more romantic when spoken in French. What trout’s heart wouldn’t melt at the phrase ‘Fous le camps et morte !!!’ ?? So much classier than ‘Fuck off and die !!!’.
On the other hand, Italian is marvellous for angry confrontations, such as road rage incidents or domestic disputes. All those religiously inspired exhortations and all that arm-waving makes for utterly magnificent theatre. You don’t have to be Pavarotti to know that ‘Christo mia…vaffanculo !!!’ doesn’t mean ‘Would you like Pasrmesan with that…’
German would be my choice for discussing things of a mechanically technical nature due to its crisp, heartless pronunciation, combined with an ability to make one splendid word such as ‘honkenbrakenscreecherknockengepingersputtergefixer’ to describe someone who repairs cars.
When one talks of tragedy, other languages can only dream of conveying a sense of it with the sheer misery of Russian.
Haggling over the price of something should be done in Chinese.
English is perfect for addressing your servants.
Showing confusion or a lack of understanding is best done in Indian.
And all mindless threats of violence or bloody revenge should ALWAYS be issued in Arabic…

28 comments:

Mountjoy said...

At the risk of inflaming sensitive feelings, I'd have to say the Israelis and Lebanese do do a good line of wailing....

WJ said...

english is great for discussing the weather, however.

Oh, and unintentional obfuscation is BACK, BABY.

[shameless plug now over - actually, why am I plugging it here?]

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I don't want to sound like a nerd here, but I think credit has to be given to some Star Wars languages, like if you're going to talk shit about keeping someone's buddy frozen in carbonite to show off to your friends it should be done in Huttese. Too late, that sounded nerdy . . .

WJ- Great Conan pic. " . . . And to hear the lamentation of the women."

WJ said...

No no, Kenneth.

"ent to hear de lementation off der wimin"

Id iss all in der excent.

fingers said...

All jokes sound better in an Irish/Scottish accent...

welcome to wallyworld said...

Fuck moi! Is that it? That's the new piece we've all been waiting for? This soupçon de merde? Just a minute...I'll alert the media.

Think I'd rather read something about Engrish - like your tale of the Japanese T-shirt that read "Cats know various things".

Oh alright...here's a fucking winkie for you - ;-)

Original Mel said...

Whinging always sounds more annoying in a northern English accent.

fingers said...

Vas te faire enculé, Mal !!!
Do you have any idea how many blogs I'm supporting these days ??
Mel's into it.
A newcomer, Odly Amore.
Blonde Vigilante.
Anita.
World Champ Whatshisface.
Honeybuckets.
As well as the rancid prose of Mountjoy et al...

Mountjoy said...

"Rancid prose", hmmm? Is "fingers" a nationality we can pin to whingers?

We'll have to dub it "Cuntlish" I s'pose....

Georgia said...

And Irish accents always make boys seem cuter than they probably really are. Dang.

welcome to wallyworld said...

A girl speaking Scottish ALWAYS gives me a woodie. You ken?

welcome to wallyworld said...

Look...I should add...you're a good writer but a selfish prick...you never write enough for us. Lock yourself away this weekend and give us the goods, you prat. And make it funny, cunt.

Mushroom's right...scooters are well gay. I wouldn't be seen dead on one.

fingers said...

Actually, this weekend I'll be winging my way to The Far East for 7 days of high-powered foreign exchange marketing and 7 nights of ladies with small hands...

Original Mel said...

By the Far East do you mean Bondi Beach? You never know where those backpackers hands have been...

fingers said...

Very cute, Mel.
But no...Singapore/HKG, so no Fingers for a week...

Mex said...

what? no fingers for a week?

HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fingers said...

You'll have to make do with a carrot, Mex...

W said...

Have fun fiskers.

Mex said...

but carrots dont have money and a membership to icebergs... nor can they ride scooters.

mushroom said...

Apparently bananas do...

fingers said...

It would have to be some kind of SuperCarrot to do all that...

Ms Smack said...

LOL funny

Mex said...

a really really stupid gullible Super Carrot...

fingers said...

What's your point, Skankzilla...

WJ said...

Haven't you guys learnt anything from South Park?

The ginger kids will unite and wipe us out if you keep that up.



[deathly silence as noone knows what I am talking about - just getting in first]

fingers said...

Suit min pik, Todd...

Blonde Vigilante said...

Oh, there is nothing better than a Russian "Comedy"...love it.

Odly Amore said...

Accents are great for make someone who has had a complete charisma bypass seem utterly interesting for at least half an hour or so. But, truth is you just can’t polish a turd.