Sunday, May 13, 2007

if you don't ask you won't get...

So, I’ve noticed that many RSVP contestants prefer to use some kind of interrogative for a header, as though posing a question indicates a certain quiet depth to their character.
Ladies, there is nothing deep about rhetoric when applied to self-description; it simply looks smug and conceited. However, since you asked, I have decided to let my ‘Magic 8-Ball’ answer your pithy enquiries.

You asked: ‘Is it possible I’m a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma ??’
The 8-Ball says: ‘It’s more likely you’re just a plagiarist, wrapped in a fraud, inside an unoriginal copycat.’

You asked: ‘Am I just too picky?’
The 8-Ball says: ‘No you’re just a complete cunt.’

You asked: ‘Will you be the one to spoil me ?’
The 8-Ball says: ‘I’d like to be but it looks as though the humidity has already beaten me to it.’

You asked: ‘Is it true that opposites attract ??’
The 8-Ball says: ‘Why don’t you find someone interesting and test your hypothesis.’

You asked: ‘Where have all the wonderful men gone ??”
The 8-Ball says: ‘They’re partnered up with the wonderful women. That’s how it works. You and the rest of the cabbages will just have to make do with the orts and leavings of the relationship feast.’

You asked: ‘I walk along a forest path. A handsome stranger walks towards me. I smile at him and he smiles back. Are you that stranger ??’
The 8-Ball says: ‘Yes. I’m Ivan Milat…pleased to meet you…’


jungle jane said...

huh. in my world, an 8-ball is what you order on a friday night before you go clubbing...

fingers said...

Onya, Scarface !!!

Mountjoy said...

‘Yes. I’m Ivan Milat…pleased to meet you…’

Glorious! Even more so that you managed to invoke the Rolling Stones at the same time.

Ms Smack said...

heheh excellent post. Hilarious

Jin said...

Bloody good post!

Anonymous said...

hahahaha! That was funny, especially the first question.