Sunday, May 27, 2007

and while we're on the subject...


This week I’d like to indulge myself by having a good old moan about one of my pet RSVP peeves; chicks who like to imagine they’re ‘eclectic’.
At the mere sight of the word ‘eclectic’, I tend to fall into a disinterested stupor – ‘eclectic’ is perhaps the most overrated, over-abused, over-subscribed adjective in the internet dating lexicon.
This is what ‘eclectic’ means, ladies…
1. Selecting or choosing from various sources.
2. Made up of what is selected from different sources.
3. Not following any one system, as of philosophy, medicine, etc., but selecting and using what are considered the best elements of all systems.
So, when you claim, ‘My apartment is an eclectic mix of exotic treasures…’ what you’re actually saying, in a pretentiously sickening way, is that you have a variety of furniture and decor in your apartment.
Big fucking deal !!
Who doesn’t ??
Placing a Balinese mask next to a glass bowl of pebbles on your coffee table doesn’t make you an art historian, Charlotte. There’s no need to give the impression you’ve accumulated a vast, magnificent store of object d’art from your extensive travels as the Most Senior Location Scout for ‘Conde Nast’.
Look, it’s not your fault you’re an irritating cunt.
I blame the rise of ‘lifestyle media’ on the whole…but it just makes me suspect you’re probably an Ikea-buying hair-stylist from Lakemba even more…

21 comments:

jungle jane said...

Soooo....lemme guess...internet dating still not going to well then?

Fuck dude, a single straight man in Sydney? you should have them swarmin' all over you...

fingers said...

For the love of god, Jane.
I'm STILL not doing the internet dating thing; I'm simply reviewing profiles for TWG.
I'd tell you if I was.
It's not like I'm too proud to admit something like that; FFS have a look at some of the shit I've confessed to in here.
And yes, it's a huge mystery to everyone that I'm still single...

mutleythedog said...

My apartment is eclectic Mr Fingers! It is entirely decorated with Fray Bentoes Pie tins!!

fingers said...

You deserve the eclectic chair to go with that, Mutley...

W said...

But how is the Elephant hunting going fingers?

Mex said...

i prefer to use the word 'junk' when describing my taste in furnishings.

fingers said...

A bit like The War on Terror, W...

Captain Smack said...

My apartment style is epileptic.

W said...

Ah fingers. That is a shame to hear - just don't become a statistic.

fingers said...

Why Captain Smack, if I'd known you were coming aboard I'd have had the pipers ready. Welcome.
I've never seen your epileptic apartment however your splendid blog makes me blink uncontrollably at times.
You're a very funny cunt...

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I must admit Eclectic is one word I only discovered relatively recently, after it been used in reference to myself more than once.

When I discovered it's true meaning, I realised it was a fair description.

I would say Eclectic means 'Holding a world view which is capable of adaption to accomodate new knowledge ane experience.'
As opposed to most people's world views, which are almost downloaded as a package. Christian. Communist. Conservative. New Age.

Eclectic means searching for the real truth.

fingers said...

WTF are you poodling on about, Crushed ??
I've consulted 5 separate references and none of them mention any searching for any truth.
Has the Dalai Lama published a dictionary I don't know about...

UBERMOUTH said...

Hey , I NEVER get the welcoming that Smackers jiust did- not even on my own blog.
And Fingers- I can so understand why you are still single. NO mystery there!
And leave my homey alone you self important , over inflated pouf. :)

Ms Smack said...

fuck, sorry I cant keep them caged in my blog, mate :)

Pixie Sprinkle said...

I'll have a cup of tea and a chocolate eclairctic to go, please...

Steph said...

Eclectic sounds a bit like Epileptic, so I'd have to be very careful if I were magotted and trying to make an impression with my fanciful, "eclectic" self.
Can you picture it!

Him- So describe yourself in one word.
Me- My friends say I'm very eclec,elic,epli,epileptic.
Him- Do you fit often?
Me- Oh yes, very fit.
Him- Aha.Bye.

fingers said...

Hi Steph !!!
I'm totally thrilled that you've dropped in to visit my humble blog. It's even more exciting than the time I was at Icebergs and Paris Hilton arrived unannounced.
Allow mw to give you a real TWG welcome:
1. Captain Smack already did the eclectic/epileptic gag.
2. My lawyers will be in touch over possible breaches of copyright involving your latest avatar...

Steph said...

Ohhh how exciting!! I haven't had a lawsuit agaist me in ohh, about three months! At least the avatar is MY finger, and it's a big fat, hearty, "fuck off" to a lot of people who've been getting on my last nerve recently.
Plus, my nails are hot. Yours are not.

FYI,I've been lurking here for ages and never commented because I knew I would be bitch slapped, but seeing as how that actually arouses me lately, I thought I'd go ahead and bring the slappin' on. I was going to "out" you on my banality thing, but I know you, like most Aussie bloggerss I do that too, will be all "Ohh eerrr, Steph lurked here, whoopdee doooo", etc, etc, and I really can't be arsed dealing at the moment. I don't do the stalky thing for any other reason than I like pointing out blogs I've found and enjoyed, but yeah, Why am I rambling?
Oh, that's right, no coffee yet.Pardon me.

Meltdown!!

As for copying Capt Smack, I have never claimed to be original.

Fact.

cheerio!

fingers said...

Regards my avatar, Steph.
Do you know why most chicks use that particular finger to get themselves off ??
Because it's mine !!!
Anyway, now that we've broken the ice, you're welcome to come in and lurk, hopefully have a laugh and just soak up the general feeling of tranquility here at TWG.
It must get tiring being a blog goddess...

Steph said...

They use your finger? why? Don't you have a dick?
*boom tish*

If I'm a blog goddess, where is my fucking crown?
I could hock that and buy some Vodka, It's two days before payday and I'm skint.

fingers said...

Perhaps you could drink some of that champagne comedy until your pay goes in, Groucho...