Sunday, June 03, 2007

howzat, sherlock...


It would seem that Bob Woolmer, former England cricketer and more recently the Pakistan cricket team’s national coach…is definitely dead !!!
He was found ‘dead’ in his Kingston, Jamaica hotel on 18th March, the day after Pakistan lost to Ireland in the ICC World Cup.
Speculation about his ‘death’, which cast a huge shadow over the World Cup, has included suggestions that he committed suicide, that he died of natural causes, that he was murdered by gangsters over a match-fixing scandal, that he was killed by a fanatical supporter with a grudge or that he had been the target of an Al Qaeda fatwa.
I use the terms ‘dead’ and ‘death’ because anyone who witnessed Bob Woolmer's deeds at the batting-crease would be aware of his gift for remaining motionless over enormous periods of time, so it may well prove in years to come that what actually killed him was the cremation which took place on June 1st near his Pinelands home outside Cape Town.
At this stage his family has not decided what to do with his ashes, however given the bizarre nature of the case so far, don’t be surprised if they end up as a perpetual trophy for future test matches between England and Pakistan.
Over the next few days/weeks, or until I lose interest…whichever comes first…I shall devote the entire resources of TWG’s crime investigation unit to demystifying ‘The Woolmer Case’, which up to this point has baffled more readers than one of Mountjoy’s idiotic posts…


5 comments:

Jin said...

There's a fuckin big difference in body appearance, between being murdered (i.e. strangled/poisoned) & dying of natural causes. I've got the t-shirt on that, having been witness to & clearing up after several post mortems. When I first saw the pic of BW in the body bag, with just his head showing, I immediately thought he'd been strangled.
Personally, I reckon someone topped him.

Ms Smack said...

wow, thats an interesting comment.

fingers said...

Me too, Jin.
And I reckon it was that Joanna Lees bitch that killed him. She's a stone killer if ever there was one.
But more on that later...

jungle jane said...

You sure he's dead? By the sounds of the reports i read he'd just had a little vom-vom and was half nekkid in the bathroom.

Sounds no different to me every Saturday night. You'll probably found he'd just passed out.

Mountjoy said...

Hard to believe you posted this on June 3rd and I only just read it on June 19th, eh?

You should have told more people you are back, you know....