Monday, July 30, 2007

a fool and his mercedes...


I know it’s not great blogging…but I was out with some old friends/colleagues from the money-market last night and this story resurfaced.
Many years ago, in or around 1990 perhaps, I owned a beautiful convertible sports car. A gleaming white, 1975 Mercedes 350 SL soft-top, one of only several manual transmissions in the country, mint condition, complete with custom, leather ‘Recaro’ racing seats and built-in speakers in the headrests.
It was a collector’s item; I dream about the car even to this day.
Of course, I was too young to realise what a treasure I had and by the time I’d finished with it years later, the classic ride was basically scrap metal.
Anyhows…
One evening, after driving home utterly hammered and too drunk to navigate the final hazards of the underground car park, I left my beautiful Mercedes on the street with the top down.
In the morning, suffering a Force 10 Hangover and down about One Million Brownie Points, I thought I’d take the girlfriend down to Balmoral Beach for that gayest of meals…the Sunday brunch.
As we went down to the car, instead of riding the elevator to ‘CP1’, we got off at ‘G’, by which time my girlfriend realised what I’d done and was yelling ‘Are you fucking mad leaving it on the street with the top down.’
To which I replied, ‘Don’t be a cunt, there was no chance of any rain.’
‘But it could have been stolen,’ she continued as we approached the car.
‘But plainly, as you can see…it wasn’t, so shut the fuck up.’

A six-pack of cinnamon doughnuts to whoever guesses what happens next…

34 comments:

Kunstemæcker said...

It was full of puke and piss. Your own. Right?

nef said...

It was gutted from the inside out. All that was left was the metal skeleton of a once glorious interior.

Kelly said...

this all romanced her so much that she married you. Then she waited. Until you least expected it. And BAM! She peed in your frig to get back at you for talking to her like that all those years ago... and probably the years following...

did I get it right? :-) I'm hungry.

fingers said...

Kunsty: Um...no.

Nef: Good work, fucker. You've just ruined a perfectly funny story for everyone. Come and get your doughnuts.

Kelly: Nope. This one got away (mercifully). I believe she moved to Zurich, married a minor Swiss Count and had 5 children. She'll always be a Cuntess to me...

WJ said...

someone left you a six pack of donuts on the seat, which you have saved to this day waiting for the perfect opportunity to pass them on, and you have finally realised this is the perfect (wait for it) vehicle to do that...?

Or was it really gutted, which was going to be my real guess if nef hadn't got in first?

fingers said...

WJ: It was gutted worse than I imagine you were when 'Will and Grace' was cancelled.

Kelly: Sorry my little angel but no doughnuts for you today. If you're hungry, check your big pot-boiler and see if any of Doug's bunnies are still in there...:)

WJ said...

OMG, did they cancel Will and Grace????

Miss Smack said...

Wow, some fucker torched it?

Beautiful car... beautiful.

Jin said...

Bugger...........I was gonna suggest that Mountjoy left his calling card in the drivers seat, in the form of regurgitated falling down liquid & the chunks from a chicken korma - minus the carrots! (There's ALWAYS carrots in puke isn't there?)

fingers said...

Smack and Jin: Are you on drugs ??
Nef won the comp. He guessed the next part. Game over. Shortest competition is internet history...

Miss Smack said...

nooooo not on drugs, although sometimes I wish i were. When Nef said 'gutted' i had to be sure that meant TORCHED, just in case :)

What other cars have you bought?

it's the little things... said...

I can't touch the wit here today, it being early here and I'm still sipping my first Earl Grey of the day.
But I have to laugh, as my ex husband had a similar ride.
I knew I liked you.

Kelly said...

it would probably be funnier if I actually saw that movie...

old fucker...

fingers said...

Smack: The usual Yuppiemobiles...BMW 323i, XJS Jag (used), MX5 Mazda...
Funny thing is, these days I've got way more money and I'm riding a Vespa. Go figure...

LT: Yes, all the wits are here today...although it's mostly just the 'halves' and 'fucks'.

Kelly: Your pot's whistling. I think the bunnies are done...

it's the little things... said...

Am I a half or a fuck?
Just wondering.

phishez_rule said...

I knew the answer before I even came here! I feel so ripped off. Well. You won't be doing that again.

And I think in this instance you fit all of the 'wits' that you bitch and moan about.

Betty Boob Hug said...

I was just here to comment on the swearing and the brutal tone in which you and your g/f conversed in.

If my mama was there she would have said, "See? the fairies heard you say bad words and they came and torched your car from the inside out. Tsk, tsk."

Just jerking your chain! I'm sorry for you car. People are asses.

p.s you really shouldn't swear at your girlfriend.


kidding......

Kelly said...

Are you saying I'm crazy?

Don't make me come over there an pee in your frig. I'll do it damn it!

Jin said...

I'm not on drugs, but the way I feel right now, I'd very much like to be. (fuckin awful flu)

Be good Fingers - here's hoping I can catch your blog from afar!

fingers said...

Phishez: Since you seem to be able to read my mind, can you tell what I'm thinking now ??

BBH: Get fucked !!! I gave as good as I got. This chick had a mouth like a sewer; I was giving you a sanitized version of her commentary...but stay tuned.

Kelly: WTF is a 'frig'. Tell your boss you want a spellchecker for XMAS this year.

Jin: Me too, mate. A friend brought me the season's new strain from Shanghai last weekend. I've got enough nausea to power a hick town...like San Antonio...

surfercam said...

Mazda MX5 and a Vespa....???!!!
I'm starting to worry about you mate.
If you say you're looking at buying a Boxster next, I will have to come down there and sort you out.

it's the little things... said...

Ah Fingers, you've nearly made me choke on my San Antonian pasta. Would that your nausea could knock this fair town over.
Then I could move away.

fingers said...

SurfyCam: I had a Boxster for a year in Japan. And a Harley 880 Sportster for a while. And a Honda Dio 50cc for driving drunk on.

LT; Sorry to ruin your Macaroni and Cheesitz...

it's the little things... said...

Cute.

surfercam said...

Good to see you had something manly (Harley) in amongst the others...

Steph said...

All this talk of big boys toys, you're making me wonder if you're trying to compensate for something.

fingers said...

Just the smallness of my readers' minds...

Betty Boob Hug said...

I've never been told to get fucked before. But thank you.

I hope the faeries shit all over your vespa.

much love,

b.

Kelly said...

never heard the term frig? eh... must be a US thing.

Miss Smack said...

Fingers, she means fridge.

phishez_rule said...

I bet its got a swear word in it.

Kelly said...

thanks miss smack... same thing in this simple head o mine. :-)

Miss Smack said...

Anytime Kelly! :)

fingers said...

Did someone order waffles...