Sunday, July 15, 2007

the stealth vespa...


For good order, this dreamy machine on the left is my pride and joy: The Stealth Vespa.










It's black...like my heart.
It's got a retro design...like the rest of me.

In some ways, The Stealth Vespa encapsulates my whole philosophy on life, which is:
1. Fuck traffic.
2. Be cool.
3. No baggage.
4. Fat assed passengers need not apply...

46 comments:

Tom Gaylord said...

mmmm delish, I want one! Where do I get it?

fingers said...

Hmmm...not quite the chick-magnet effect I was hoping for...

jungle jane said...

I was going to say the bike's not toooo gay because its black. Then i noticed the beige seat...

Does your scooter have a name, fingers??

fingers said...

It's known simply as 'The Stealth'.
I've had it coated with the same radar-reflecting material as the B2-Bomber, which allows me to avoid those cunning police traps and combine my love of red wine freely with my love of riding my beautiful hog.
My motto: If I can find it, I can ride it home...

WJ said...

To think, I never knew that they used 'Black Metallic Paint' on the B2, boy those Ruskies must be pissed now that they know that.

Then again, I also didn't realise that my Dad's ride-on lawn mower qualified as a 'hog', but it obviously does...

fingers said...

Fuck me...I'm getting called out by a Volvo-driving pug-owner...

Jin said...

OMG you've got a weirdly wonderful sense of humour fingers! This is enuff to make me want to take up the offer of hubby buying me a Harley RoadKing..........
One good gust of wind (or maybe Donnies farts?) & you'll be chewing tarmac hehehehe

phishez_rule said...

Yeah, just like a real motor bike but lame.

Thursday's Child said...

And just so we are clear, you have not truly lived until you have seen fingers riding the Stealth through the dark and rainy Sydney streets.

Malcolm Lambe said...

I just bet you'll be one of the poofs lining up to rent a "Velib" this summer for a little poodle through Gay Paree.

Kelly said...

you are such a rebel...

it's the little things... said...

I'm just curious about the vibration factor if you're riding as passenger?

Tom Gaylord said...

what sort of chicks do you hope to attach whine?

Tom Gaylord said...

lol sorry i meant attract

WJ said...

Not driving a Volvo yet, fingers.

Although I am THAT close to cancelling the order and getting myself one of those Stealth thingies, looking at the pulling power they seem to have...

fingers said...

Jin: I have a lovely scarf for ridding in Winter. It's permanently starched, so that it stretches out behind me, creating the illusion of speed, even when I'm stationary at the lights.

Phishez: Been there done that. Besides, Harleys are considered a little aggressive for the residents of Cunt Point.

TC: You need night-vision goggles for that.

Lom-bay: I'd appreciate it if you didn't use derogatory terms like 'poof' on this blog now that Tom is part of the family. Cocksuckers have feelings too.

Kelly: You should see the fights that break out up at The Vespa Bar in Surry Hills when they run out of croissants on a Sunday morning.

LT: There aren't enough 'o's in smoooooooth to describe the ride on my hog...

fingers said...

Oops...a couple of stragglers.

Tom: Mostly I'm looking for road-kill these days.

WJ: You should get a little red sleigh and enter the pugs in The Iditarod...

WJ said...

Good thinking fingers, or I could hitch them to the Stealth for you and double its top speed in one fell swoop...

it's the little things... said...

Hmmm. How intriguing. Wonder if I can find a good ole' Texas redneck on a Vespa? I just might remain here for that....

fingers said...

I'm not sure Vespa make steer-horn handlebars for the Texas market...

it's the little things... said...

Fingers, drop me an email when you get a chance. I have a question for you.

WJ said...

quite right fingers, although there certainly seems to be no shortage of those tats around these days....

fingers said...

BTW...
And I mean this in all sincerity before I turn back into a cunt...
I am well aware that some of my devoted readers have big asses.
I read your blogs, which is why I know; coz you tell us.
I follow your battles, the substitution of chocolate for sex, the substitution of blogging for both...and I applaud your honesty.
You get enough support from the girls to warrant my feeble encouragement, however if the prospect of a ride on The Stealth will get you to put down that doughnut, then let the games begin...

it's the little things... said...

I saw better a big ass than those moobs of Tom Gaylord's avatar I'm posting next to....

Miss Smack said...

hahhaah I really like the bike, and I'm laughing at Thursdays comment seeing you drive thru the dark streets of Sydney! The EPITOME of cool!

That scarf is a crack up.

:)

electro-kevin said...

Short and sweet - I'm a big chopper myself (does chopper mean the same to you down there ?)

Tom Gaylord's man boobs nearly made me puke. Put 'em away ! Think of the children.

Gnat of Glass said...

If you have one a pair of old wwII tank goggles your aces in my book no matter what kind of 2 stroke your doing.



Gnat.
.

fingers said...

E-K: Yes, we are familiar with your strange language here.

Gnat: Have the goggles but no kills yet. And The Stealth is four-cylinders of pulse-racing power; 250cc of fuel-injected muscle...

surfercam said...

I think Tom's first comment nailed it on the head.

Mex said...

i bet i can safely say, that im the only person in these comments (apart from lord fingers himself) that has actually been for a ride on it!

fingers said...

Actually, that was 'Stealth One' you were strapped to, Mex.
This is its successor, Stealth Two...

Steph said...

Are you trying to 'outgay' my darling Tom?
I bet I could beat you on MY scooter. It's made by Razor and powered by my feet.

lolzzzz. POOF!

fingers said...

If it was powered by your mouth I'd be confident of getting blown off at the lights...

Sunshine McThunderkitty said...

well at least no-one can bag you out about the fat-ass prerequisite...it would have to be enforced for practical reasons, or you'd end up poppin a mono. The 'no fat chicks' bumper sticker would actually work as a safety warning on that thing.

WJ said...

sunshine, the bumper sticker would have to be in very small font to fit on the thing in the first place...

mutleythedog said...

I would like on very much!! Your comments that this is gay or a bit soppy are silly- I like the combination of safety and pretend speed!!

fingers said...

Sunshine: I welcome you and your Reubenesque-ass to my humble blog. Hope you don't mind if I wander over and pay you a visit soon.

WJ: You're waffling again.

Mutley: Would you like to see the pretend scar on my knee from the pretend crash I had 2 years ago while I was pretending to come off at 60kph...

WJ said...

Yep fingers, still waffling.

I'm sure that sunshine appreciated your visit no end..

Steph said...

You know I could suck the colour from a marble, right?

Mike said...

Hello,

We would like to do an interview with you about your blog for
www.BlogInterviewer.com . We'd like to give you the opportunity to
give us some insight on the "person behind the blog."

It would just take a few minutes of your time. The interview form can
be submitted online at http://bloginterviewer.com/submit-an-interview

Best regards,

Mike Thomas

fingers said...

Steph: Any chance you could come round and suck a red wine stain out of my Caesar-stone benchtop ??

Mike: There's no person behind this blog. It's a front...

Steph said...

No problem. I'll be round in half an hour.

Miss Smack said...

You two better share the photos.

Jin said...

Is the scarf a substitute for not having enough hair for the wind to ruffle?

fingers said...

Jin: Sometimes, when I'm riding home from the pub a little pissed, and I feel the wind in my hair, I say to myself, 'Fingers, you complete cunt...you've forgotten to put your helmet on again...'

Malcolm Lambe said...

Geeze...I go out of my way to pop in here and the stupid cunt hasn't updated.
Mate...you know my bloggie - WelcometoCuntsville...some geezer offered me a Grand (American) for it the other day. I think he was mainly interested in that X-rated rave we had going at the back of the thing when I thought Google wasn't tracking it (I was wrong). Send your bum-chums over to it...they might get a laugh out of it - http://www.welcometowallyworld.com/shoot-the-shit/

Oh yeah...click on some Google ads while you're there will you? I gotta pay the Milko.

BTW our boy Cadel is looking good for a Podium Position at Sunday's finish of Le Tour. Might wander up and start the Aussie Aussie Aussie chant as the cunt comes round the final turn.

What else? Little Charlie is down in Provence smoking crack and torturing frogs with his cousins. Malkie is sanding the floors and playing with his wing-wang...I mean my new HDV camera (très cool).

Hope you still have the Ring of Confidence. Oh yeah...if you pop into Wallyworld can you leave your calling card? à bientôt, Malkie.