Wednesday, July 11, 2007

kristal please...and could i have three for my friends...


Before you lot read this and form yourself into a lynch-mob, remember I’m not necessarily talking about YOU in particular.
From your recent responses to related pieces on both ‘TWG’ and ‘BimboWorld’, it looks as though most of you are either sufficiently independently wealthy enough (the ones with toilet paper) or made of too much moral fibre, to be paying for cocktails with the furry cheque-book.
HOWEVER…
There are a number of your people, predominantly regular Establishment-goers, who have drink-schmoozing down to a fine art; specifically, successful-but-currently-out-of-work (last 3 years) modules, aspiring-but-currently-out-of-work (last 5 years) actresses, OAs, PAs and their honest-but-dreary cousins…the typists.
From their perches well above the bar-room savannah, these 8”-high-heeled-hyenas carefully observe their unsuspecting prey, mentally pre-selecting a suitable suit by the flash of his platinum Amex.
Once this is done, there only remains a simple ambush to be performed down at the watering-hole.
I’ll post shortly on the best strategies for defence without seeming like a tight-ass…

38 comments:

Kelly said...

"8”-high-heeled-hyenas" Oh oh oh! Can I take that role? *flings long blonde hair from shoulder to back letting out a valley girl 'Ah HA!'*

Yoffi said...

Oh, I'd like to jump on the lynch mob bandwagon!

Establishment used to be a nice place to have a drink (or more than a few) after work. But you're right. It has become the "place to hook a banker husband". I don't know how it got that reputation but that's what I'm told.

My work had to find a new place to drink, because they are just too much.

Gnat of Glass said...

I personally like the idea of buy the bum a drink from the last post comment. It was rather spot on.

I think I am going to give that run the next time I am accousted outside my local pub. I just want to see he face when I say "No, I don't have any spare change but walk on in here and I will buy you a shot!".

Classic, I am primed to pounce. Where are the homeless when you need them!

it's the little things... said...

I doubt there's an adult in the place that doesn't understand the give and take of buying/accepting a drink for/from a stranger.
Buying the drink is a request to get to know the stranger. Accepting the drink means accepting the invitation to meet the stranger.
Surely, it doesn't get any more complicated than this.
Steph's initial refusal said loud and clear, "Thanks, but no thanks."
The buyer should have understood it as such.

I turn down drinks, as I've stated here before, and find it seems to elicit interest on the behalf of the buyer because it's a different response than he's used to.

Now if he were to offer up a couple of rolls of toilet paper, I'd be all over it.

WJ said...

Jesus, I never realised that buying someone a drink was such an exercise in contract law.

I look forward to the next lecture in the correspondence course fingers...

fingers said...

Kelly: Come and collect your 'Cocksucking Cowboy', you high-heeled-hyena.

Yoffi: From our perspective it's a 'place to bank a hooker wife'.

Gnat: Beats me where they are but it's not at home obviously.

LT: Look around. Do you see any adults in here ??

WJ: You still have to finish your 'Man School' core subjects before you can take the electives...

WJ said...

That may be so fingers, but when I ask you how you brought down the elephantine target, you shut up faster than your hyena mates when the tab is closed at the bar...

Legaleagle said...

"8"-high-heeled-hyenas carefully observe their unsuspecting prey, mentally pre-selecting a suitable suit by the flash of his platinum Amex"

Any true gold digger knows you forget the platinum and go straight for the Amex Black.

(Excuse me while I vomit for actually writing that....)

fingers said...

WJ: The Elephant reads this shabby blog, knucklehead.

LE: Experienced cardholders know that 'Blacks' don't flash. They're made of the same material as Stealth aircraft; that's why we carry them...

surfercam said...

I HATE the Establishment.
I think Yoffi's comments nailed it.

or maybe I hate it because I used to be a Banker and I never picked up...

Nah, it was just always full of wankers and hookers.

WJ said...

well that must make her easier to identify.

then again, you get more hits than I do, so I can't talk.

although it never stopped me before...

fingers said...

I didn't say she posts here...

WJ said...

neither did I...

fingers said...

Steph thinks you're a chick, you big mincer...

WJ said...

Of course she doesn't. You are just shirty cos I let the cat out of bag that I know you.

See, nothing less than manly about using terminology like 'shirty' and 'cat out of the bag' is there... I rest my case.

fingers said...

'WJ, You really love him don't you. I suggest an excorcism. It's the only way. Seriously!!'

'Fingers, You're such a gentleman. When you gonna ask WJ out on a date?'

'WJ,You're making me crush on you. Can you stop? I already have about six girl crushes at the moment...'

Rest on that, Penny Mason...

WJ said...

That's Mr Penny Mason to you, buddy.

Anyway, it is perfectly possible that by 'girl crush' she is simply clarifying that she is a girl and she has a crush on me...

fingers said...

Stop your waffling, you dopey trout. It makes you look needy...

WJ said...

Just to remind you, not a trout, fingers.

I specialise in waffling, you know that...

Kunstemæcker said...

I haven't the slightest clue about what you're on about. Was there a point to that post or did I miss the subject or topic?

Kelly said...

K- girls are greedy whores. Jump on the that bandwagon or be run over by fingers' vespa.

Lad Litter said...

Fingers, you've done it all in the last two posts. And the unresolved sexual tension in those last frenetic exchanges betwen you and WJ... Get a chat room, you two!
I never accept drinks from strangers without first taking an Absorbo pill. And that's fine for the first few hours. But then later I go and swallow the damn thing. Those Absorbo pills aren't bad either.

Kelly said...

you've been tagged. :-P

it's the little things... said...

Does Fingers need a chat room with WJ, or WJ with Steph, or Fingers with Steph, or is it a Menage?
I'm confused.
I'm going back to my contract law, now. It's much simpler.

The Ego said...

When I was younger( no one would offer now)I used to turn all drinks down as I saw it as them expecting to actually talk to me for the price fo the drink. I Used to just wish I culd walk in wiht a big hat and them just throw the price of the drinks in it instead! Wouldn't that be great?No to the drink, yes to the cash...and now , go stand over there!

jungle jane said...

I would love it if men bought me drinks but they are usually to shy to order Meths on the rocks for me...

fingers said...

WJ; This is not MSN chat and I'm not your best girlfriend. Man-up or shut up.

Kunsty: The English language is difficult even for native-speakers, let alone Belgians.

Kelly: Take your hand out of your pants while you're typing.

LL: I should never have bought WJ that drink; now she won't leave me alone.

Kelly: I have a 'tag and release' policy. Tag me and I'll release you.

LT: I'm embarassed to know either of those dykes.

Ego: I'm sorry, did I miss the part where we made up, or have you had your memory erased.

JJ: Do you smoke when you're drinking...

WJ said...

correct on all fronts fingers, and in particular you are too short, hairy and male to be one of my girlfriends.

You keep threatening to take away my Man Card but I am starting to wonder who actually put you in charge of them?

Steph said...

My ears were burning again, and it's got nothing to do with my hair straightener this time.

Ego and Fingers- Kiss and make up.

P.S can I watch?

mutleythedog said...

Man have stopped buying me drinks these days as I usually go out in my Carmen Miranda...

Té la mà Maria - Reus said...

congratulations is very good blog
fantastic !!

salutations from Catalonia Spain

phishez_rule said...

The furry cheque book is a great way to pay for more than just cocktails. It comes in handy for so many things.

Kelly said...

ooohhhh is that how you do it? :-P

electro-kevin said...

Hi Fingers, I'm back in your seedy little den of iniquity. I can't keep away from it.

My blog is back but at a different address - I pressed all the wrong buttons apparently.

electro-kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
electro-kevin said...

Furry cheque book ???

Surely you meant 'furry card swipe' didn't you ?

jungle jane said...

Yo fingers. Mine's a meths on the rocks. Make it a double, yeah?

fingers said...

WJ: Stopp waffling.

Steph: Never. She is firmly on the 'DO NOT DELIVER' list.

Mutley: I think I speak for everyone when I say...HUH ??

The Unknown Spaniard: Grassy ass, amigo.

Phishez: The Furry Bank just called. You're in overdraft.

Kelly: I saw the photo, smart ass. You're on double-secret-probation.

E-K: Thank fuck you're back, man. Do you see what I've had to put up with while you've been gone.

JJ: No deal. You're name is on a website that exposes chicks like you for passing bad furry-cheques...