Saturday, August 18, 2007

be careful what you wish for...


Kelly’s cute little neuroses-laden post about her trip to the gynaecologist got me thinking about vajajays (as she calls them). Firstly about hers…well sorry but I did…then about vajajays generally.
Finally, about an hour later when I’d finished thinking about all the vajajays I’d ever seen, or wished I’d seen, or hoped to see some day…I got to thinking about the gynaecologist’s lot in life. On the face of it, no medical pun intended, the Poon Doctor would appear to have the best job in the world; a hundred bucks an hour to look at vajajays all day long…

Until you consider the type of vajajays he’d be looking at.
Erk !!!
Wave after wave after wave of The Vajajays From Hell !!!
Chicks in all sizes, shapes and ages, every one of them asking the same questions, over and over:
‘Excuse me Doctor, can you tell me what this gigantic cauliflower-thing growing on my left curtain is ??’
‘Excuse me Doctor, have you ever seen stuff so green and luminescent like this leaking out of anyone before ??’
‘Excuse me Doctor, can you pinpoint the source of the mysterious blue-cheese aroma emanating from my girly bits ??’
‘Excuse me Doctor, is it normal for spiders to make their homes in here ??’
Shudder !!!
No, this passing parade of poon would be anything BUT the final line-up of contestants on ‘Australia’s Next Top Vajajay’.
After all, what are the chances of a supermodel strolling into a gyno’s office, pulling her pants down and saying, ‘Excuse me Doctor, it’s tight, trim, taut and terrific. It’s clean, fresh, perfectly pink…and I just wanted you to see it…’

28 comments:

phishez_rule said...

Now that would be a show worth watching. Of course it would be pay-per view.

Would judging be on colour, depth, smoothness, warmth and tightness? Extra points awarded for virginity.

Kitty said...

True Story

I once sat next to a Psychiatrist at a wedding. It was years ago and he looked quite pissed off to be stuck next to the 'stupid young drunk and drugged 20 something with her tits out'. I asked him about what he did for a living and he replied "I don't want to say". So I ignored him.

Eventually, when he couldnt' stand the intense ignorance a moment longer he said "Alright, I'm a psychiatrist. I am sorry that I snapped at you earlier, it's just people always tell me about their problems and I feel obligated to feign interest in their tedious whining."

I replied "Well, why don't you just say the psychiatrist gig is just for the the paycheque, but your REAL passion is amateur gynaecology?... You know what? There's not much difference between gynaecology and psychiarist is there. I mean, you both look at cunts with problems all day long!!!" Hawhawhawhahahahahaaha. He got up and moved tables.

Josh said...

Jeez Fingers, when that super model walked in it would make all the fungi infected minge of the world just vanish from memory and the job worth every brush with death.

Spare a thought for the poor proctologist, silly bugger is just an inch short of being a gyno and spends his life getting shit as a result.

Kitty said...

josh - hahahahahahahahahaha

fingers said...

Phish: All fine qualities in a minge but above all there is the question of availabilty.

Kitty: Speaking of available minges...I'd gladly sit next to you at any wedding.

Josh: You should see some of the assholes I get in here most days...

Betty Boob Hug said...

Even though for the most part I think you are a bit obnoxious and repulsive, and you cover it up with a lot of wit, I really agree with you on this post.

What the HELL is an (especially) male doctor wanting to do gyno for? Is it the power trip of having women at their most vulnerable spread their quivering thighs for? It certainly couldnt' be for the prestige because as you say, EWUACHHHH - smells, sights and (brrrrtttttt, woops sorry doctor it slipped out) bottom farts. All within an inch of your glasses and open mouth.

You are right - it wouldn't be a pleasant experience to have your hand up a woman's hoochietootchie looking for STUFF and pulling out slime covered growths.

It sure is a good thing we have gyno's around but I still don't know why they ticked that box in medical school.

Kitty said...

I've always wondered how a gyno's (a boy one) can say that a work-related chuff does not affect him sexually and then go and bang his missus and see hers as hot coochie.

How does that work?

Conveniently I am off to see my gyno tomorrow.

I'm just going to pop in and say "Excuse me Doctor, it’s tight, trim, taut and terrific. It’s clean, fresh, perfectly pink…and I just wanted you to see it.."

Just like Finger was saying.

'Cept I is not a supermodel. I'm a MEGASMURF.

Steph said...

Firstly, I have major issues with the world "Vajajay" WTF is THAT? It sounds like a discharge with teeth.

Secondly, I think being a gyno would turn a straight man gay, just as being a proctologist would turn a gay man straight.

Thirdly, I have a friend who dates a gyno, he's young, cute and only 27. There is no way on God's green earth I'd be letting my good looking boyfriend (had I one) poke flange all day. There is just something not quite right with that.

WJ said...

How cynical you all are.

Have you never considered that some nice young man might simply have embraced an opportunity to give of himself and devote his life to improving the lot of vag's the world over?

Or maybe he was a complete and utter fuckstick in a previous life and finds himself stuck...?

fingers said...

Betty: Nice backhand, Martina. Ouch !!!

Kitty: You going in for a re-tread ??

Steph: Do you have any other theoretical rules for your imaginary boyfriend. I never really thought of you as a ball-breaker before...

Kitty said...

*adoration*

Steph said...

For real? Breaking balls is my second favouritist thing in the world to do besides shoe shopping.

You haven't been paying attention have you!

fingers said...

Steph: OOh, can you do a post about shoes. We haven't had one of those for ages...

muse said...

Oh My!

Most of the gyno's I know take lithium and they give it to their wives too. They have to have their levels checked often to make sure they are not on lithium overload.

That's how they hang.

fingers said...

Muse: I think I'd have myself laminated, wear a blindfold and be on a morphine drip to perform that job...the poons of all my esteemed readers excepted...

fingers said...

Steph: I forgot to ask...what is 'the world "Vajajay"..'?? Don't tell me those fucking towel-heads are building an island shaped like a minge off Dubai...

Les Miserable said...

"A bit obnoxious and repulsive" - that's harsh. Fingers works hard at being VERY obnoxious and repulsive. And we always come back for more.

fingers said...

Lombay: I know. Can you believe what that c*nt called me...:)

Betty Boob Hug said...

Hey - I was just trying to make in-roads with you and I thought if I started off with a tiny compliment, you wouldn't feel so overwhelmed?

See how bad I am at figuring men out? I just don't know how to get through to you. Sigh.

Steph said...

So you have been a long time reader!
Busted. Twat face!

OneHungMan said...

Friends of OneHung and OneHung have had this Poon Doctor conversation before and they generally conclude as you do...it simply ain't worth it.

Kelly said...

I gagged... like... a lot... when reading this.

still gagging.

Do you think all gynos are good in bed though? They would HAVE to know what they were doing...right? If they weren't good in bed, it would be like a prostitute that didn't give head. A career weakness or something?

I don't know that I would ever want to sleep with a guy that knows more about my kitty cat than I do though.

Just another look at gynos...

fingers said...

Betty: My ex-wife's first words to me were 'Ýou are the rudest cunt I've ever met'. Saddly it all went downhill after that.

Steph: Actually I was referring to the recent posts by Kelly, Phishez et al. THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU, YOU DELUDED POPPET. I'm going to smack you on the nose when I get back.

OneHung: Got any other good ideas I can rip off then.

Kelly: Still gagging ?? OK, well I'm still thinking about your poon...

it's the little things... said...

Fingers, all I can say is if what I've read here describing the 'girly bits' is any indication of your real life experience with the vajayjay...um...EWWWWWWWW.

Kelly said...

i actually had puke in my mouth at that thought.

ewww

Miss Smack said...

I agree with Steph. I don't like vajayjay at all.

electro-kevin said...

Hear about the gyno who got homesick ?

Went back to look up an old girlfriend.

honkeie2 said...

I have been to the cooter Doc with the wife many times and I see those heffers in the waiting room and realize I am soooo glad I didnt become a twat expert.