Tuesday, November 06, 2007

orgasms anonymous...


Continuing with the theme of sex-addiction, I’ve been wondering whether it’s the kind of affliction that actually benefits from a group therapy situation?
With alcoholism, sufferers can gather in a room, stand up and do the ‘Hello, my name’s Wally and I’m a stinking drunk’ thing. The other group-participants all do the ‘Hello Wally, we’re all stinking drunks too’ thing…then they scare each other sober with tales of the various lives they’ve left in ruin through their abuse. Obviously, there is no alcohol available at these meetings…
Drug-addicts can congregate in a circular arrangement to confess the use of various substances they once thought gave ecstatic pleasure and find solace in the knowledge they’re not alone in their ultimate, self-inflicted agony. Obviously, there are no narcotics available at these meetings…
It’s the same at the Gamblers Anonymous support sessions. Penniless losers huddled together, inextricably bound by their mutual bankruptcy, coming to grips with the notion that the money was the least problematic of their losses. Obviously, there are no pokies in the room as far as I’m aware…
But sex-addicts…fuck me…everything they need to give themselves a carnal overdose is right there in the room. There’s a whole group of fellow pecker-fondlers and snatch-fillers just itching to rub themselves up against someone or something in the mindless pursuit of orgasm. Imagine it; a dozen or so sex-mad fruit-loops, all having a whinge about how much they adore getting their rocks off, while not ten feet away sits a like-minded audience of whimpering friction-hounds, moaning with a multitude of unfulfilled desires, ready to tear their clothes off and go for it right there on the floor.
You’d need to have them all wearing oven mitts and stuff tennis balls in their mouths to stop it turning into an orgy…

30 comments:

surfercam said...

Very very good point Fingers.

DOG3OY said...

so, all I need to get them started is to through a dildo and a bottle of baby oil in the ring, switch on the camera and instant amateur porn. Where do I find these meetings.....and if these meeting really exist why are there not lines of desperate guys and girls trying to get a bit

phishez_rule said...

You know, I think I've seen that movie.

Kitty said...

They do exist and my therapist (the first one, not the latest one) told me not to go anywhere near that shit.

"Don't go Lou, you'll just attract attention, you are....uuuuh....you know....um....very sexual. Your sexuality needs its own chair, sometimes it is a bit fierce....you know what I'm saying? It won't work out for you."

I think he just liked gazing into my bedroom eyes while I crapped on about shagging chicks...

Kelly said...

Fingers is now on his way to a sex-addict meeting. He will probably be gone for a few days... at least.

it's the little things... said...

I've heard stories about sex addiction meetings.
And yes, they are exactly what you would imagine.
Great post, Fingers.
Putting a group of highly sexual beings in one room to complain about their addition is like serving fine Scotch instead of cheap instant coffee at an AA meeting...

OneHungMan said...

"Hello, they call me OneHung and I'm packing wood right now."

UBERMOUTH said...

I have proof that you were nice to me on my blog.IN WRITING!Now that I am back- are you sorry? TY btw.

Kitty said...

*stand up*

Hi, my name is Kitty, fuck the basket weaving crew and I want to enrol in One Hung's Woodwork School for the Sexually Obsessed.

Imagine the therapeutic value in that little 6 week course.

Yowzar.

Kitty said...

i've been giving it too much thought and i don't think a tennis ball and oven mits would stop me from fucking someone.

i'm extremely dexterous while sporting oven mits, as i'm a Super Housewife and bake endless mouthwatering treats for the brood.

the tennis ball in the mouth is a crude (and horny) ball-gag! whats bad about ball-gag's?? i love them.

horneeeeey now.

fingers said...

SC: Thanks very, very much.

dog3oy: I don't think they advertise their parties.

Phish: It's second only to the old pool-boy routine.

Kitty: Who cares ?? Tell us about shagging chicks.

Kelly: Is that all you gleaned from the post, Bubble head.

LT: Um, didn't I just say exactly that...

OH: Have you met Kitty ?? She's our resident wood-chopper.

Uber: 'Now that I am back- are you sorry?' Yes, I'm very sorry you're back. Will you be staying long ??

Kitty: I rest my case...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Finger...so that's where I wondered into. Fuck me I thought I was just looking extra hot that evening and I fricken invited the whole lot back to my house...to party.

I took on 9 guys and 6 chicks...but I swear I was drunk at the time and I am not a sex addict. It's not like I have to have a dick right now...No, I don't need to tip the velvet, right now.

Hello, my name is Spiky Zora Jones and I'm a drunk sex addict. Can you please hand me a couple of tennis balls.

Ciao babes...Yo kow I was kidding, right? About being drunk.

Kitty said...

spiky- lets play hide the tennis ball baby...onehung can be our helpful assistant, provided he is covered in baby oil and completely naked. then we can don our oven mits, suck each others nipples and treat him to a surprise double header...

Kitty said...

ooops! did i say onehung?? i meant to say FINGERS. this is FINGERS site afterall.....pssst! spiky!! meet me over at onehung's site in 5 minutes baby, take your knickers off first though...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Ha...Kitty, shall I bring the nipple dust...it'll taste fantastic on your nipples.

Oven mits...Oh baby, you're into those too. I always carry a pair with me, cause you never know when you'll need them

Like yeah...a double header with a naked and oiled onehung, nipple sucking with you...hell yeah.

Hey where are those tennis balls? Oooops, sorry onehung, I thought...I didn't squeeze to hard did I? Me and kitty will kiss them better, okay. tee hee.

Ha...wink wink, yeah, like what kitty said. I meant a double header with fingers.

See you at onehung's in 4 minutes.

Oh sweet kitty, you know my knickers fall to my ankles whenever I'm near you, I believe in being prepared.

Ciao Kitty...um, the left one baby...yeah like that. uuuummmm!

BottleBlonde said...

Fingers, you're so hot that you inspired OneHung to sport wood. He never sports wood like that for me!

Josh said...

I can see the problem you are discussing here but after ready about the misadventures of Kitty, I am not sure the closed door, leather couch, one on one approach is any safer.

Actually come to think about it, I am not sure I see sex addiction as a problem at all.

Betty Boob Hug said...

Oh oh oh! this was in a movie I watched the other day. The one with Will Ferrel and Jon Heder, playing ice skating partners.

Will Ferrels' character goes to a sex addicts meeting and everyone is sitting around squidging in their chairs and eyeballing each other.
Loved it!

You should role play what goes on in overeaters anonymous group meeting. "hi I'm betty and I can't stop eating Nestle choc bits out of the packet.'

"Hi Betty"

[sad faces]

unique_stephen said...

This should be all you need to get going.

What do you need to do to become a sponsor?

Josh said...

Ok, I just followed the link to the SAA website as provided by our Unique friend.

I took the test and I appear to be a sex addict. That actually makes me horny just knowing that.

I then read the twelve step program which mentions that wonderfully famous invisible friend God no less than ten times.

That is a lot of God in only 12 steps.

I think I will live happily ever after fornicating and masturbating when ever the chance presents itself rather than risk a mind bending exercise with religious nutters.

Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty....

phishez_rule said...

Nuh-uh. Its third. You forgot the pizza delivery man.

phishez_rule said...

Is there a Masturbators Anonymous, or do we just stay home for those meetings?

Kelly said...

Just imagine you at a meeting Fingers.

Hi, my name is Fingers and I'm a sex addict.

Then all the girls would get turned on, just by the mention of fingers. It would be a great way to 'fuck' with people. Plus, you would be much nicer for at least a couple of days.

OneHungMan said...

BottleBlonde, you have no idea.

UBERMOUTH said...

Think COCKROACH

Kitty said...

anonymous sex is hot.

~Miss Smack said...

BUT, just because they're sex addicts doesn't mean they're good at it, or tongue-experts, or nicely hung to give our cha cha's a lil stretch in the right place.

Would be interesting to watch from afar with a bottle of Shiraz, though.

electro-kevin said...

Quite true, Miss Smack.

I knew one chap with a crack addiction, no good at oral at all - he thought cunnilingus was an Irish airline.

(Air Lingus IS an Irish airline BTW)

Les Miserable said...

You're gonna love this - a Sex Addicts tale

Effortlessly Average said...

Hey and oven mitt and tennis ball wouldn't stop me.

Where did you say these meetings are held....?