Monday, February 11, 2008

now why didn't i think of that...


THE BRIEF:

Create a character, give it a weakness/fear, then develop a short story (300 words) in which the character’s weakness/fear is exposed.



THE STORY:

Kieran slumped into the allotted seat and immediately began his relaxation exercise; inhaling nasally, exhaling orally…slowly, deeply at first…gradually reducing the length of each breath until he imagined the calm flooding in.
He brought his hands together, gently introducing the fingers of one to its partner on the other, then closed his eyes and commenced reviewing the physics of the problem as he saw it. It was simple really. The engines provided the forward motion, causing air to rush over the surface of the huge wings. The wings, shaped in accordance with the principle laid down by Daniel Bernoulli nearly three hundred years earlier, split that rushing air into separate streams. Those two streams travelled at different velocities, creating an imbalance of air-pressure, which would thrust the wings and anything else attached firmly enough to them up, up and away…‘
All well and good,’ interrupted The Beast, its filthy snout breaking the surface of Kester’s flooding calm ‘but all that technical wizardry is sometimes flawed, whereas gravity is constant and perfect.’
Kester’s eyes flew open, just as they always did; he realised he hadn’t taken a breath for nearly a minute. In the seat to his left, Kieran’s best friend Phil noticed it too.
‘You OK, mate?’ asked Phil carefully adjusting the buckle on his seatbelt.
‘Christ I hate flying. I think I’m going to be sick,’ admitted Kieran, reaching for the small plastic bag beneath his seat.
‘You’re a funny guy, Kier…real funny guy,’ said Phil, flicking an illuminated switch overhead and wrenching the microphone free of its bracket in order to bring it closer to his mouth.
‘Good evening, I’m Captain Phil Driscoll and along with my co-pilot Captain Kieran Putz, I’d like to welcome you all aboard Virgin Atlantic flight VS201 to London…’

ONE OF THE COMMENTS (Celia):

‘I think in the space allowed this is a very entertaining piece of writing but I suppose I wonder how long he has hated flying if that is his job. After all, he is a pilot. Was there a defining moment that changed him?’

Well gosh Celia…that is kind of weird isn’t it…a pilot who’s afraid of flying. What a strange twist; ironic even. Hey, why don’t I change the story so that Kester is a passenger and Phil is another passenger sitting next to him? That would make more sense, eh?
You stooopid, stooopid cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunt…

28 comments:

fingers said...

Wow, that was just fabulous. You're a wonderful writer, Fingers !!!

fingers said...

Fingers: Thanks but who gives a shit what you think, you pathetic hack. Go back to blogging and being rude...

electro-kevin said...

"Mum - I don't want to go to school. All the kids hate me and the teachers think I'm stupid."

"Don't be silly, Arnold. You're a very good Headmaster."


Same effect - less effort, fewer words. And I haven't even been on your course, Fingers !

But then ...

Perhaps I could have elaborated on what caused Arnold's low self-esteem and the defining moment that changed him. Like when he met Celia ... cuuuuuunt !

Kelly said...

you are too old to be changing careers and trying something new.

you can't teach a dog new tricks remember?!

pfft.

Kelly said...

I like how the serious Fingers gets no major comment love... hehehehehe

nudeman40 said...

It caught me of guard. I liked the twist. But I am simple and like most things anyway. Especially if involves nakid women... Can you make the pilots women and nakid fingers???

Effortlessly Average said...

So Celia is in a writing class...

but can't understand irony....

Then I guess she wouldn't grasp the irony of bringing donuts to a seminar on weight loss either. heh

Josh said...

So remind me why you don't just get yourself a cilice belt if you want to torture yourself?

You should have really messed with her and made Kester a train driver. Her head may have exploded.

Kaisa said...

Hehe, I loved it... (I tend to fly alot so little disconcerting too)I wanna write likes that, my twists never works out. Your a Genius... (don't let that go to your head :P)

fingers said...

E-K: Good point, however you could say the same thing about a Sherlock Holmes novel. Make it a one paragraph mystery. 'Despite all the clues, obvious and subtle, it was the husband who did it after all.'
It's not the destination that's important; it's the journey, Grasshopper. Now fuck off.

Kelly: Since you prefer the old Fingers, how about you crochet a dildo and go fuck yourself.

nm40: If only the world were full of simple-minded dolts like you.

EA: Well, tonight officially marks the end of the ' negative feedback moratorium'. It's open slather for the next three weeks and I've got a terrible case of writer rage.

Josh: How's this for starters ??

Celia wrote: '...'Jason jumped out of his white 1992 Corolla...'

II critiqued: 'Celia, are you writng a story for me or writing copy for a classified ad ?? The colour, age and make of the car, whilst helpful in determing its potential value on Ebay...'

kaisa: And you're the finest judge of talent on this entire blog. bless you...

Bo Bo said...

I read a review Celia wrote on Dr. Seuss Green eggs and Ham.

“Suppose I was with Sam-I-am, and instead of starting off not liking green eggs and ham, not liking them here, there or anywhere. I gave them a go. In a box, with a fox, with a mouse, in a house and I could eat them here, there or ANYWHERE. Then Sam-I-am and I could get on with more pressing issues like, why is a Dr writing a children’s book? Surly with all his degrees he could write adult stories like the Big Friendly Giant.”

Clever writing Fingers. I liked.

Mel said...

The ending certainly had a very 'boom tish' moment but I think you could have expanded on the meditation exploits of your main character that went on for the first two paragraph's. I was able to feel my blood pressure drop and design a proto-type car engine at the same time.

I give you 7.5 out of ten, fingers.

mutleythedog said...

Maybe he is having a nervous breakdown and this has produced his aversion to flying.... A kind of phobic thing. I have phobias myself - would you like to hear about them?

fingers said...

BoBo: That was fucken funny. This week's task was to create a character, give it an insecurity then introduce it into a party context. My character is a blowfly, paranoid coz he thinks people are always trying to kill him. I'm going to have him taking a dump in Celia's canape...

mel: Sarcasm is a tricky device to master. I gave you a 2...

fingers said...

Mutley: I'd love to but I have an aversion to other people's problems...

mutleythedog said...

Could this help ?http://www.aviatours.co.uk/

Bo Bo said...

I like the way you’re brain ticks fingers, but you can just see it already.

“What I don’t understand is how I came to be at this party? Are the people at this party my friends or was I invited as part of some cruel joke with all in attendance knowing that this fly was going to take a crap in my canapé? And surely I would have eaten prior to coming to the party knowing that all they would be serving is canapés, therefore eliminating the reason why I would have a canapé in the first place. At this point I think I would have jumped back into my white 1992 Corolla………..”

Bo Bo said...

A little challenge if you’re up for it.

Try and incorporate Celia into each weekly task assigned.

Steph said...

Definitely Pulitzer prize material.



*snicker*

fingers said...

Mutley: For attempting to do good on this blog, you are banned for one post.

BoBo: I'm about to post last week's exercise, along with Miriam's splendid comments. And I can't use Celia's actual name as it's too provocative. I use Delia instead.

Steph: Thanks, Hemingway...

Jayne said...

Kester?? Where the fuck did you come up with such a faggot name?

fingers said...

Jayne: No word of a lie, I have a good friend called Kester, he IS a QANTAS pilot and he has been getting more nervous about flying with each passing year. The way he sees it, the longer QANTAS' winning streak continues, the closer he comes to riding a 747 into the ground someday...

Me said...

What do you think I do during the nights?!?! pfft

fingers said...

Me: Is the answer 'blow farm animals at a peep club' or should I be looking for something less obvious...

electro-kevin said...

"E-K: Good point, however you could say the same thing about a Sherlock Holmes novel. Make it a one paragraph mystery. 'Despite all the clues, obvious and subtle, it was the husband who did it after all.'
It's not the destination that's important; it's the journey, Grasshopper. Now fuck off."

Hey - easy, boat boy ! I can do that too if you insist:

Sherlock lay back on the grass and asked Watson what he made of Venus traversing the night sky. Watson demured having not the faintest idea what to say. "It means that someone's stolen our tent, you fool !" ejaculated Sherlock.

fingers said...

E-K: No offence meant, old bean. Well, no more than usual. That's just my way of saying 'Good point, well made' whilst retaining my dignity. And I've always loved that SH joke. It's a scorcher. Now fuck off...

Kitty said...

this is why i don't want to do a writing course and get money via writing.

it is full of cunts like celia.

Ms Smack said...

hahahahahahah they have no idea who they're dealing with. I have to sit and imagine how your keep a straight, poker face when they leave such feedback, or say such stupid things!

I'd lose it! HAHA