Wednesday, February 13, 2008
the world is not always your oyster...
THE BRIEF: Create a character, give it a fear, then introduce it into a situation where it confronts and conquers that fear...
Geoffrey stared at the slimy, grey ball of muscle on the fork, attempting to vanquish his total disgust through sheer force of will. He noticed a sliver of nacre, its appearance iridescent through a subtle trick of light, embedded in his thumb; an injury sustained in opening the oyster’s shell only minutes before. Geoffrey brought the slimy, grey ball closer to his face, its horrid image blurring as the focal length corrupted. Seemingly transformed into the eye of some tiny Cyclops, the slimy, grey ball returned Geoffrey’s stare.
‘You can’t eat me. You’ll never eat me,’ it hissed.
This time his slippery little opponent was badly mistaken, thought Geoffrey, only semi-convinced of his latest strategy’s chance of success but determined not to show even the slightest sign of weakness.
‘You can’t do it, Geoffrey. You know I’m still alive, you haven’t got the stomach for this type of savagery. You’ve never had it, Geoffrey.’ The slimy, grey ball was mocking him now. ‘I’m watching you, Geoffrey…’
With his free hand, Geoffrey slowly and deliberately picked up the pre-cut wedge of lemon, holding it gently but purposely in a position where the slimy, grey ball could best observe it. The Cyclops eye continued to stare, apparently unfazed by any citric threat on Geoffrey’s part.
Suddenly, the slimy, grey ball of muscle appeared to tremble on the end of the fork, though in reality Geoffrey suspected the true cause might have been his own shaky hand. No matter, at last he’d realised what the lemon was for and with a single-minded brutality he never knew he had, Geoffrey took aim at his nemesis and squeezed his fist tightly.
‘Let’s see you watch me with this in your eye, Cyclops…’
ONE OF THE COMMENTS (Miriam):
'As someone who despises oysters I found this difficult to read...'
Yes, well I hate the idea of killing whales but I managed to slog my way through 'Moby Dick', you silly cunt.
'...Why, if Geoffrey hates oysters, is he bothering to force himself to eat one ?'
Because it's my fucking piece and I said so and it's vital to the tag-line, which you'll find at the end of the story, if you're brave enough to push through your distate for oysters and read what I've written, you silly cunt. Why did your fuck-boring character go to the local supermarket to buy fuck-boring mangoes when she knew her fuck-boring ex might be there with his fuck-boring new fuck-boring girlfriend ??
'...some lovely imagery though and your personification of the oyster is marvellous...but the ending is confusing. Does Geoffrey throw the lemon at his enemy...'
He squirts juice in its eye, Miriam !!! The metaphorical eye that I took great pains to craft. The eye that isn't really an eye, except for the purpose of the gag, to squirt the lemon in its fucking eye Miriam...even though I know that's not really what the lemon is for, you silly, silly, cunt...