Monday, May 12, 2008

a brief interlude...

If I may take a very short break from the story to ask the youth of Australia a question…
Here is an excerpt from Steph’s amazing Big Brother Blog, in which she summarizes the voting rules for household evictions this week.


It is an unauthorized reproduction, much the same as the girl/girl pash photo of Steph that most of my clients now have installed as screensavers across SE Asia.


‘…The public vote to SAVE the HM's they like. At the end of the week, the bottom three HM's with the least save votes, are put up for eviction. The HM's then vote (two points and one point) who they would like evicted, except for the winner of FNL who gets four points and two points to use on evicting a HM, AND also gets to SAVE one HM from eviction. The person with the next least save votes then gets put up to take their place.

In yet another twist, the bottom three HM's also get to nominate each other too and their votes are kept secret until the end.

After this somewhat exhausting process, the three HM's get into "the revolver". Two HM's are put back in the house, and the one with the most eviction points is spun out to "the bleachers" where Jackie-O is waiting to interview them…’


My question: If you can follow this...WHAT THE FUCK WAS SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT THE FUCKING AWAs YOU SEEMED TO HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING, YOU DIM-WITTED CABBAGES…

That is all…and now back to ‘The Brain’…

81 comments:

sparsely kate said...

I'm nobody's cabbage but what is an AWA?

I say bring back part three of your hooker story (even though I'm still offended on the young woman's behalf and sympathetic to her obviously limited opportunities in life)

:)

fingers said...

Kate: You may be nobody's cabbage but you're also nobody's employee obviously. AUSTRALIAN WORKPLACE AGREEMENT...

sparsely kate said...

oh, hahahah! I'm actually at the moment on the "government sponsored single mother get thee an education" agreement.
But I hope to become an acquaintance of an AWA in 2009.

Thanks for the learnin'

fingers said...

Kate: Well don't get too excited. AWAs are a thing of the past now that Kevin Crudd is here to institutionalize mediocrity and lower the comprehension bar so that even the most fuckwitted dullard doesn't get ripped off coz he/she can't do simple maths or read anything more complicated than a tabloid headline...

Kitty said...

this ought to be a HOOT when (hot) steph sees what you did!

fingers - you got some splainin' to doooo!

good of you to edumacate kate on the evil ways of crudd and The Ginger Viper...

oh and while i am sledging the bejesus out of The Government, can that cunt treasurer dipshit barrrstard focus on the JOB AT HAND a little more and a little LESS on getting his stupid gob in as many photo ops as he can possibly manage...i mean PLEASE.

Kitty said...

how much sex is it going to take to get a copy of the girl on girl pash??

serious.

electro-kevin said...

We have The Apprentice. 20 dim-wits vie for a job with Sir Alan Sugar (one of the top UK businessmen)

This week the trial was to go to a market in Marakesh and buy 10 items as cheaply as possible. One of the item was a kosher chicken in a MUSLIM country. One particular chap goes to a muslim butcher who claims to be a part-time imam and 'blesses' the chicken as he's weighing it on the scales.

To make it worse the budding 'apprentice' had put down on his CV "I'm a good Jewish boy" knowing that Sir Alan is a jew.

Bad Bob said...

Not exactly sure what a "pash" is, as it is not a term that is used much here in the states, but I think I like it.
Guess I need an Australian dictionary, or is it slang?
How does one go about getting one of those screen savers?

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Big Brother in America...My god, do you know it came out two-three times a week. They even had B/B After Dark on HBO...EVERY NIGHT till midnight. It was like watching the Truman Show.

Who wants to watch people sleeping, guys with their hands in their jammies cratching their balls whilst snoozing?

My girlfriend...that's who. She is so into Big Brother.

Put the fucking camera on the chick with the big tits taking a shower...Do I have to write a letter to the network!

Okay...listen to this. This one time they (household) were drunk and getting out of their clothes in the hot tub. Naked chicks! Yes! Finally getting good.One dude with a red mohawk pulled his pants down swung his cock between his legs, caught it with his thighs as it swung behind him. I'm not making this up.

The guy with the red mohawk got high fives from the guys...so what, like I've not seen that done before...hum, though, it was my thighs that caught the...well let's not go there.

I make no sense...I KNOW. It's Monday and I don't do Mondays well.

People are staying clear of me. Dang...all stressed out and no one to choke! hehehe

Ciao babes.

BTW...I'm sitting here waiting for Steph too. I'm thinking 4th of July. Hey, you got any snacks? How about a diet Dr. Pepper?

Kitty said...

bad bob- a pash is kissing. a tongue-pash is kissing with tongue.

a tongue-pash my faaaaavourite kind of pash.

:o)

Fanny F said...

You are an island in a sea of idiots.

Now, back to The Brain, please. He is starting to turn me on.

Kitty said...

fanny- you calling me an IDIOT??

ARE YOU???!!!!

if so....how very astute of you dear.

:o)

fingers said...

Kitty: Don't be silly. As if I'd do that to my darling Steph. I made it perfectly clear to all my clients that the pic was NOT to be used as a screensaver.

E-K: We have 'The Apprentice', every important 'wannabe a supermodel' competition on the planet, weight loss comps, makeovers, airport security beat-ups, cop car chases...do I need to go on. It's moron central down here.

BB: One doesn't get one of those screensavers. One earns one. And they are spectacular.

Spiky: You must be a very proud lezzer, baby.

Kitty: Good work, Professor Pash...

Fanny F said...

The AWA misunderstanders, Kitty ... not you, you sexy creature! :) Crudd is a cringe inducing loser. Oops I was going to keep politics out of my blogging ..

I like Pashing.

Kitty said...

*wiggles tongue at fingers*

wanna pash me baby?
i would mind a pussy pash.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

hornay.

Kitty said...

fanny- i love to pash too, and i hate crudd...we are now BFFs.

Fanny F said...

Goody, Kitty. Can I please do a duo Pole Dance with you BFF?

Sorry Fingers.. carry on

Kitty said...

fanny- you can babygirl! only as long as it descends into hardcore girl on girl action while fingers kodak's his shit left and right...

i want some FANNY

Fanny F said...

Does he have a pole available?

Kitty said...

yes and i've had a grind on it!

it's quite satisfying...we could share his pole.

fingers said...

This is why I blog.
Kitty is like my loyal lesbian-retreiver.
Fetch, baby...

Regulus said...

Were you ever evicted, Fingers, from any residential primary dwelling for any legal or regulatory reason?

Kitty is a lesbian??

fingers said...

Regulus: As a wealthy land-owner, that's unlikely, seeing as I'm the landlord. I was thrown out of a bar last week though...

Kitty said...

No, i'm just a tourist (going) down Pussy Licker Lane these days.

strictly recreational. i used to be a lezzer....i hung up my bad hair cut and comfortable shoes to start a new life as a fairly-fuckworthy switch hitter yeeeears ago.

oh...the memories of labia's past.

fingers said...

Kitty: Concentrate !!! I sent you out to get Fanny...not to chat up my gay readers. That's what BoBo is for...

Bad Bob said...

Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for a tongue pash from one of the ladies until I earn a screensaver. Let me know when I have enough frequent flyer miles.

Kitty said...

i think you mean frequent flogger miles don't you?

spank that monkey bob!

i'd pash you bob, but i'm not really a lady.

UBERMOUTH said...

LMFAO! I won't say more as I shall be insulted no doubt, but that was hilarious.

Keshi said...

Pashing is boring now...cos FINGERing is better LOL! Bring back Finger posts plz!


Keshi.

fingers said...

Bob: I just checked your points. You have just enough for a bit of tongue from Regulus.

Kitty: I still don't see any Fanny.

Uber: OK, now which one of your silly blogs should I visit ?? I'm not trawling through both. Pick one and I'll go and defile it for you.

Keshi: I am shocked at that. Please report to my office for some disciplinary action. And wear a short skirt...

Regulus said...

"No, i'm just a tourist (going) down Pussy Licker Lane these days."

I'm afraid I avoid that particular neighborhood, so I don't know the street layout there. I may have passed through it once on my way into this world, but that's it.

Fingers -- She was trying to chat me up? And you're a wealthy land owner?

Did you get in a fight in the bar?

Steph said...

Gah! you lie so hard!!1
And from the comments you leave on my bb blog, it's very clear you watch the show religiously.

Twatface!!

fingers said...

Reg: 'She was trying to chat me up? And you're a wealthy land owner?'
Which would you be most disappointed to find out was a lie ??

Steph: Gah, you pash so good. Hey, I realise you must be flat out replying to all those comments on your BB blog but any danger of an answer to my question ??
Airhead...

Steph said...

You paying out on my comments now?
Arsewipe!!

i shall answer when I'm ready. Right now it's Vodka O'clock.

Bite me.

Kitty said...

regulus- i wasn't trying to butter your muffin babes - you would know (i don't know how to be subtle). I was lead to believe you are the token Gay Reader. i gave up screwing gay boys in 1995.

fingers said...

Steph: 'This is Biggest Brother. You have been insolent for the last time. Biggest Brother is revoking your vodka privilege for one month. And get your bongos out.'

Kitty: You might have mentioned that before I let you sleepover at CP...

Kitty said...

but why? you locked me in the cellar with two pussies.

*still annoyed*

Keshi said...

This IS Big Sister.

Fingers, to the Diary room. rather DAIRY room if u must.

Keshi.

fingers said...

Kitty: *bothered*...NOT.

Keshi: OK, that was amusing. The DAIRY room...hehehehe. And those are some splendid udders you're parading on your blog today. Got milk...

Keshi said...

lolz u dirty bastard!

Keshi.

Keshi said...

nah ur not a dirty bastard...ur a CUTE bastard. :)

Keshi.

electro-kevin said...

There's a film out called Idiocracy.

Pretty tedious as films go but its basic premise is a good one. That bogans will end up ruling the world because they out breed everyone else.

According to this film the favourite television programme in 2500 will be Ow My Balls ! Where a guy gets his nuts battered umpteen times a week. We already have the precurser of this with Jackass.

I can't wait.

fingers said...

Keshi: You should see how cute I look with a milk moustache.

E-K: Nice sickie there, Fat Comptroller. The problem with that theory is whilst at the moment it appears that evolution is favouring the chronically stupid, in terms of their growing numbers, they may not actually survive when the shit they cause eventually comes down. Evolutionary strategy is far easier to predict in hindsight...

electro-kevin said...

Fingers said ...
"...Evolutionary strategy is far easier to predict in hindsight..."

Like the markets evolution can go up or down in value. Historians of the future will look at the Big Brother era of human development and will have nothing to say except "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ?"

Fanny F said...

"I was thrown out of a bar last week though..."

Fingers, so it was you I saw being thrown out of the Argyle for perving at the sexy gay boys' silhouettes.. and you didn't wash your hands

Steph said...

Is anyone else feeling nauseous or is it just me?

Bad Bob said...

Damn!! That's a bit on the edgy side. I'll definitely have to keep saving miles. Let me know where I can get some double points.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hey...I walk away for a diet drink and there's like a party going on here. Wha-hey!

Where's the whipped cream? hehehe.

Ciao babes.

Jayne said...

Fukkit, I'm getting blurred vision just from trying decipher the bloody voting system - they getting lessons from Bob Mugabe or somminc? & then all the muff diving stuff..............what's happenin' wif da Brain Fingers??

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Good Post Folk ;-)

fingers said...

E-K: You could have said the same thing about The Dark Ages, The Inquisition, the 70s...

Fanny: I've been thrown out of gayer places than that.

Steph: No, me too...but then I've just been on your BB blog so it's to be expected.

Bob: You get triple miles for every flight you take in your own wingless plane.

Spiky: Nothing to see here.

Jayne: Stupid post got fifty comments. Go figure. Back to The Brain shortly.

Boss: Welcome stranger. As an introductory offer, please take one of my readers and use them in any manner you see fit...

Kitty said...

i inflated the comments on this stupid post cause you were being a whiney fucker.

steph- yes babes, i feel sick. let's be sick (and naked) together.

Steph said...

Kitty, I could never be sick in your presence. MOIST!

Les Miserable said...

Oh mate...what a coup! I've just managed to score "fingers" on the new "The Big Word Project". Which means when some bastard clicks on "fingers" they come through to here. Fucking brilliant idea this - these guys are going to coin it in. Cost me $7 - a dollar a letter. Nah "cunt" was gone. But I did manage to snare "cocksucker" - cost me $10 that one. And picked up "wally". Have a look - just enter "fingers" in the search and click on it - TheBigWordProject

Gives you a nice permanent link from a PageRank 6 site too.
Wish I'd thought of this. BTW "idiot" leads to George Bush's Wikipedia entry. "Money" has gone but "lucre" is still free. Do you fancy "fanny"? Still free.

fingers said...

Kitty & Steph: As soon as I put my pants back on I'm going to block you two from defiling my blog with your lezzing.

Lombay: That's fucking awesome. I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would log onto the site and click on a word though. Are you an internet billionaire yet...

fingers said...

Lombay: I just bought 'flocci­nauci­nihili­pili­fication' for you. It's Latin, means 'the act of estimating something's value as zero'...

Les Miserable said...

Tried to get you "smartass" but was taken. Snared "nazi" and "bong" though. Do you understand the concept behind this site? They're giving out widgets that dopes put on their blogs so that their PageRank gets stronger and stronger. 6 already and they'll be an 8 before they're done. And don't worry about their traffic - it'll just get bigger and bigger (probably branch into other languages too) I find it addictive. Thing is you can snare yourself a word...lets see - "paedophile" say, and have it pointing to some cunts blog. Like Mountjoy :-)

Regulus said...

Kitty -- I hope I'm not Fingers token Gay Readers, but if so, that's ok. I gave up screwing gay boys in 2002, so I'm not that far behind you.

Kitty said...

what was that fingers? i'm numb to your silly remarks!

i'm currently as busy as a little beaver, nestled between golden thighs going 'numnumnumnumnum'.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Kitty said...

the shame and humilitation of being outed as one of Fingers readers, token and gay or just a regular fuckwit one (like me), will pass in time poppet.

it'll be ok.

surfercam said...

I can't believe you'd have anything to do with that Big Boring crap.

fingers said...

Lombay: Unreal...what's a PageRank ??

Reg: As long as you're not behind me it's all good.

Kitty: Look what you've done to my blog, Bucky.

SC: I don't but I love giving it to Steph. Who wouldn't...

Kitty said...

i love giving it to her too!!!

*dreams*

Keshi said...

** You should see how cute I look with a milk moustache

Pura u mean?


Keshi.

Fanny F said...

Do you fancy "fanny"? Still free.

The story of my life ..

electro-kevin said...

It's becoming a real ordeal having to wade through all this pussy just to make a comment to ya, Fingers. I think the speedboat is working.

nudeman40 said...

God you need a girl on girl fest on the boat Fingers. Think you could get a dozen "lickers" aboard??

Kitty said...

i want some fanny on fingers speedboat.

fanny- get your knickers off

Fanny F said...

I'm not sure about getting my knickers off on the speedboat. Fingers will have to drive slowly so that I don't whistle.

Kitty said...

LMAO

Bo Bo said...

I loved the AWA’s, being a boss it was satisfying being able evict an employee via SMS.

fingers said...

Kitty: Yes, we get it.

Keshi: No. I was being crude.

Fanny: Free fanny. Woohoo.

E-K: It's a real chore wading through all that lezzing...and 71 commenters seem to agree with you. Even if 58 of them are my little Kitty Kat.

NM: I'll get a case of lickers...you bring the shot glasses.

Kitty: Hi baby.

Fanny: I can just see you naked on the bow screaming 'I'm the queen of the world'.

Kitty: Hi baby.

BooBoo: If only there were Australian Relationship Agreements...

Ms Smack said...

Did someone leave the coke on the table?

Kitty said...

bo bo- did you get sprunged fucking around???

uuuuum aaaaaaaaaaaaah....

Bo Bo said...

There is its called marriage, where men agree to do whatever their told.
And when that agreement is broken a new agreement is put in place.... Divorce

Kitty- No that part of my life is going swimmingly

Keshi said...

I know..I was only distracting ya and u walked into it. haaaaaaaaaaha!

Keshi.

fingers said...

Smack: That would never happen here. We leave nothing.

Kitty: I have 3 letters for you. MSN.

BooBoo: And do you know why divorces are so expensive ?? Coz they're worth it.

Keshi: Did you learn that technique trapping tigers back home...

Keshi said...

tiger my ass LOL!

Keshi.

Kitty said...

i am so agreeing with the divorce thing. WORTH. IT.

my first one was so satisfying, i didn't need to fuck for a whole week.

the next one should have my knees knocking for a least a fortnight...

Steph said...

Hurry up and finish the fucking story already.
I have things to do you know!!!

Jen said...

Damn, Steph beat me to it. I'll say it anyway.....GET BACK TO THE FUCKING STORY. With Bo away I need a fix of depravity.