Wednesday, June 25, 2008

apocalypse then...


So, by then it was about 4am and ‘The Brain’ and I were pulling bongs on the balcony, watching the rain pelt down and wondering what to do with ‘Scary Bob’s’ small fleet of expensive vehicles, both of which were permanently grounded by now.


Eventually we gave up and passed out on the couches, lulled to sleep by the dope and constant drumming of the rain…
I woke up first. My watch said 11-30am and my head was throbbing. ‘The Brain’ was still fast asleep on the adjacent couch, sawing logs like his life depended on it. Outside it was still pouring; I could hear the deluge through the open doors on the balcony. Deciding that a glass of water was in order I swung my legs off the couch and prepared to head off to the kitchen.
WTF ??
As I put my bare feet down, I noticed the carpet seemed to be wet to the touch, which certainly got my attention. I looked around the lounge room; the whole carpet appeared to be glistening. I rubbed my eyes and checked again. It was still glistening…and as I walked towards the balcony doors I noticed the nearer I got to them…the wetter the carpet became underfoot.
While we had been sleeping, the rain had apparently been so heavy it had pooled on the balcony then flowed over the sliding glass door rails and into the lounge room. The carpet was absolutely soaked; every step I took caused a puddle of water to form around my foot. This was not good.
I went over to give ‘The Brain’ the latest update from Catastrophe Central, wondering if this flood would be the straw that finally broke his camel-like back. To my surprise he took the news quite well, saying it had happened before, though not on quite so grand a scale. Apparently, all we had to do was dry the carpets out with a space-heater…
Now, for those readers unfamiliar with space-heaters, imagine an electric hair-dryer the size of a commercial jet-engine. Normally you would use one (1) to warm up your entire backyard for a mid-winter BBQ. These things simply suck cuntloads of cold air in at one end and blow superheated air out the other end…
Over at ‘BHC Ltd’ (‘Scary Bob’s’ building company) they had plenty of space-heaters; they needed them sometimes on construction sites to dry out rain-sodden earthworks, or to help cure concrete when the outside temperature was too low. So, we jumped in a taxi, went over to the BHC warehouse, grabbed one of the company utes and loaded it up with a space-heater.
‘Maybe we should get two,’ said ‘The Brain’.
So we did, taking them back to Lane Cove, hauling them into the lounge and setting them up at either end of the room. We plugged them in facing one another and stood back as they roared to life, the giant elements deep in their bowels glowing orange with electrically-resistant rage, while the built-in fans sent a blast of super-heated air barreling across the space between them.
Within minutes the temperature inside had become too warm for comfort, so we throttled the space-heaters down a notch or two, then went downstairs, where it was considerably cooler…and began what turned into a very long game of ‘Monopoly’.
If someone landed on ‘Free Parking’ they had to skull a nip of bourbon, going to jail meant a bong-hit…Mayfair with hotels was big rent and a punch in the arm. We started at about 2pm and at 6pm we decided to take a break and go check on the carpet-drying, so we trudged up the stairs to the lounge, the air temperature soaring with each upward step…excellent drying conditions.
As long as I live, I will never forget the scene at the top of the staircase…
The soggy carpets were dry. Bone dry. Tinderbox dry. And, being a high-quality wool pile, they had also shrunk nearly a foot away from the walls on all sides, pulling up floorboards as they receded to the centre of the room.
‘Holy fuck !!!’
‘Oh mate…’
‘Fuck me.’
‘You’re so fucked…’

We trod gingerly over the shrunken remains of the still-steaming carpet, pausing to note that the case of red wine ‘Scary Bob’ usually kept in the bar had popped every cork, the contents of the bottles now just a slow-moving ooze of reddish molasses which crept, glacier-like in a downwards direction, finally coming to rest on the turntable of the ‘Bang and Olufsen’ stereo.
‘Oh my god.’
‘You’re so, so, so fucked, Brain.’

Then there were the canaries, ‘Snap’s’ prize-winning pair of breeding canaries, resting peacefully (and now permanently) on the floor of their cage in a somewhat medium/well-done condition.
The tropical fish were nicely juxtaposed, ironically floating at the top of their tank, eyes wide-open in final disbelief at the sudden global-warming extinction event.
The large cherry wood china-hutch, a wedding present if I remember correctly, twisted and bowed by the contraction of its fibrous tissues, was so utterly warped that the glass window-panes in each of the doors had fallen out, smashing themselves to smithereens on the floor.
There was more…much, much more…but those were the highlights…and I’m sure you get the picture.


To be finished next time…

112 comments:

Josh said...

You cunt. I just sprayed coffee all over my computer while laughing my arse off.

Pure gold.

Kitty said...

hehehehehe.

did you sample some grilled canary?

yum.

Fusion said...

Actually I was expecting the top floor to be burnt beyond recognition. This is like an old I Love Lucy rerun, only worse becuase it happened...

mutleythedog said...

You as mad a spoon ! Did you know that?Wo on earth in their right minds would thing super heating a menagerie was a good idea?

By the way I misread bong as dong the first time...still funny though.

Steph said...

You badly need a good shagging.

sparsely kate said...

This was awesome! Those poor fish, what a long and lonely death :) at least the hooker was safe though right?!!

I'm thinking your best bets were to just burn the house down and make up an alibi putting you both somewhere on a tropical resort in Thailand or something? Shagging transgender women?

cat said...

I never seen that coming....Genius.

I had coffee coming out my nose. It wasn't pretty at 9am in the morning.

My partners (here at work) think I have completely lost it.

kimba said...

ohhhh fuck...
Yes.. indeed it was a lucky escape for the hooker............

muse said...

Great entertainment! I think you should send this little scene into a TV series. Which one? hmmm?

xl said...

"still-steaming carpet"

Ugh, like wet dog smelly?

electro-kevin said...

Holy fuck ... HOLY FUCK !

This is like ...

... Pulp Fiction times 10 !

Great stuff - GREAT !

You's the man, Fingers.

I don't normally but ...

... kisses xxxx

electro-kevin said...

Ahem *coughs and affects deep voice*

Kisses in a manly way, of course.

;-)

Kitty said...

E-K- fag

Steph- I'm on it.

fingers said...

Josh: Thanks cunt. It was even funnier in real life.

Kitty: I'd sort of lost my appetite at that point.

Fus: No, that was the previous year when The Brain burnt down the kitchen making pancakes.

Mut: I recounted this tale at The Brain's 21st birthday and his grandmother was taken off to hospital with chest pains (true story).

Steph: Thanks for the lovely offer but I'd prefer if you just read the posts and leave relevant comments.

Kate: There was nowhere to hide. And this was at least five years before they'd even made 'Weekend at Bernie's'.

Cat: It gladdens my writer's heart to know there are wet keyboards everywhere this morning. Thanks.

Kimba: She got off lightly as it happens.

Muse: 'Jackass' perhaps ??

XL: Seriously, it was like walking through the moors. Spooky.

E-K: Thanks mate. It's been a long time coming getting that thing down on paper somewhere...

Fanny F said...

It's all very "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em" ..but much more hilarious.

At least you had a nice red wine reduction for your steak that night. Although I suspect when Scary Bob finds out you may not be able to chew for a while.

travistee said...

Note to self: Go out of town if Fingers announces he wants to visit...

fingers said...

Fanny: I'm not sure if I'm insulted or not by that comment.

Trav: And I'm coming to Austin on my next '80 Shit Holes in 30 Days' holiday too...

Kitty said...

gee fingers, masochistic much darlin?

all your posts seem to attract a fluffy of insults these days...

what is up with that??

fingers said...

Kitty: Patton once said, 'Your commenters must first hate you before they can respect you'...

Steph said...

Ohh I get it. We're supposed to read what's written on the front page? Is that how it works?

Back in a sec, let me go read it.

Kitty said...

oops....lemme try again i fucked up the last comment!

what i meant to say was, i totally hate you - yet....i haz no respeck.

what does that say for patton's bullshit theory?

fingers said...

Steph: LML.

Kitty: I just got off the phone with Patton. He said you're a cunt...

Thursday's Child said...

Hahahaha! Oh Fingers, you do have a way with words - and when the hell is your book coming out?

I can only imagine the next installment....

Kelly said...

Shit... I would have found a way home a long time ago. I'm a suck-ass friend. Suck-ass... maybe not suck-ass. Let's use shitty instead.

Kelly said...

But, more importantly... what did you have for dinner? fish, or bird?

EmmaK said...

oh, I would have cried so hard

not over the excruciating roasted from the inside death of the canaries

but from the tragic loss of wine. Did the Brain get down on his hands and knees and suck the last remains from the carpet?

travistee said...

Glad I live in Spicewood then.... Guess my carpeting will be safe!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers...sweetie. If it was my house my Uncle Pauly would had already received a call from his fave niece (me) and a few of his employees would be on their way to talk with youse guys. Batta-bing batta boom! Know what I mean.

If I was you I would take the brain out. Like that book of Mice and Men...Yes, brain you get to take care of the rabbits. Then maybe Scary Bob will let you live. OR maybe you should just take The Brain out and no one will know diddlie-do that you were involved.

There...my job is done here! Hey you're stepping on my cape...thanks...swooosh! Ha!

Not to worry...I'm still tweaking my meds.

Ciao babes. I really loved it Fingers. It had me giggling like the silly girl I am. :D

Bo Bo said...

Brilliant. Have not laughed so hard in a while.

Kitty said...

patton can kiss my furry arse.

my friend tan just read your post and phoned me to pass on her compliments.

best post over.

she laughed her arse off. you're hilarious. you're the best writer ever. she is inclined to blow you over your spectacular wit. your the master of blogland.

*nb: she has been drinking champagne since 11am*

fingers said...

TC: The words are simple. It's the order they're in that matters. Thanks.

Kelly: What can I say. Suck my ass.

Emmak: At that stage we didn't have such a fine appreciation of wine. Price-sensitive as we were, I think Cinzano waas our drink of choice.

Trav: I thought you had floorboards ??

Spiky: Keep tweaking, baby. Big points for the 'Of Mice and Men' reference though.

BooBoo: Cheers. I sensed you needed a good laugh, mate.

Kitty: Thanks Tan. Put your cans together for a big round of applause...

phishez_rule said...

And at that point you should clap your mate over the shoulder, wish him luck, and walk out.

The only way I can see him getting away with this is to marry bob's daughter. Bob can't kill his daughters husband... no matter how much he wants to!

Jayne said...

Fingers, this 'chapter' is pure bloody genius!

Does the next chapter have to be the final one?

travistee said...

Good one... You're on a roll lately!

Ms Smack said...

That chapter is the best yet, I agree with Jayne.

Fabulous. I reckon your writing really drags the reader in and holds them captive with great descriptive scenes.

Nice work!

Jen said...

Sadly, the final installment looms. I fear to look, yet I cannot turn away.....

electro-kevin said...

Kitty said...

E-K - fag


Bloody pot calling kettle !
:-)))

Hope you're doin' well, Kitty.

Keshi said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*middle finger up at fingers*

Keshi.

fingers said...

Phish: I tried dating SB's daughter for a year or so. He painted a yellow line on the driveway that I was forbidden to cross.

Jayne: Sadly, yes...but I have other wonderful disasters to share with you.

Trav: Seem to be.

Smack: Yes but my readers are mostly low-brow, porn-addicted masturbators.

Jen: Tough titties, Shakespeare.

E-K: Isn't she adorable.

Keshi: Nice try. Now go back and read the post...

Kelly said...

no, thank you. I've had my fill of ass kissin/suckin today.

unique_stephen said...

All week that I was away not skiing I was hanging out to read your next installment.

That was awesome.

I'm going to try and nominate it for best post ever.

Bad Bob said...

That is fucking hilarious! The Jag and Mercedes are just one part of the incredible night/day! At least you didn't set the house on fire with the heaters.
My passport is good. Let me know when you are planning a party!

Trav needs to put this up to her movie club. This could be Oscar material. Well maybe it would just be one helluva comedy.

Kitty said...

EK: what are you yabbering about pots and kettles for? are you being gay in the kitchen or summink?

i called you fag cause you are blowing delicate kisses at my man!!! that is total GAYNESS.

and before all the lefty wankers rush out of the wood work let me just remind you that i don't consider 'fag' an insult. it's a mere observamacation!

plus i'm a chick who eats gash. so there. I'm allowed to say whatevs i want.

the end.

Keshi said...

wont read it. wut r ya gonna do??

Keshi.

fingers said...

Kelly: Then SMB.

US: I'm almost beginning to believe all this praise myself. I can't wait to read my next post.

BB: Mate, you're 20 years too late. We're all grown-up and sensible these days.

Kitty: Busy I see.

Keshi: You'll see...

Kitty said...

never to busy to hurl insults and abuse around your comment box baby.

mwah

Kitty said...

again! again with the completely fucking incorrect grammar.

fuck and cunt and bugger.

i'm stooopid.

Bad Bob said...

I hear ya. Just because we're old does not mean we have to be grown up and sensible. I told my new boss that I may be old, but I'm very immature for my age.

electro-kevin said...

"plus i'm a chick who eats gash. so there. I'm allowed to say whatevs i want."
Kitty

Sorry, Kittaroos. I used an English idiom 'Pot calling kettle black' which you didn't know.

Basically in means 'look who's talking !'

So when you called me a fag ...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...I saw a lot of cookware mentioned here on your comments section, pots and kettles...et cetra. Go with Rachel Ray cookware...

Ha..you like how I snuck in a commercial for Rachel? Anyway, you asked so here's the answer...Yes, clam busters do dream in color, though you asked nicer than that.

Have a nice day fingers.:D

Ciao baby.

Kitty said...

EK- i know precisely what you meant, and am awfully familiar with the idiom, and all idioms, remember - i lived in the yoooookaaaaay for years!! i am even married to a pom who is a major idiom fanatic.

i replied with a smartarse retort about how i am not, in fact, a fag or GAY. i'm bi...and hot.

different.

if you want to know HOW different, go tell a gay person (or a lezzer) that you think bisexuality is more than just straight people being greedy fuckers and see the reaction you get.

anyway, i was just being silly!! but i personally the think that your pot and his mate, the kettle, should go fuck themselves. wouldn't that be ironical (if they were both boys)...?

stop kissing my e-man or i'll bollock you good and proper!

:o)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Okay...that...was so cool. Hey just giving props. :D
Ciao.

Kylie said...

Fuck meee there is a lot of wankery in your comment section. Better to have people just call you a cunt and be done with it I say.

I like your stories old man but being a member of PETA I am particularly appalled by the sad demise of the birds.
I have to report you. You understand right?

xl said...

ms kitty & e-k: I'm not a lezzer, but willing to learn!! :)

[runs out the door]

Kitty said...

*chases xl, catches him, and sits right on his face*

that was lesson numero uno.

fingers said...

Kitty: I'm going to get a litterbox for you and put it in a corner of my blog.

BB: I'm just sitting here using 'Word' to create fake tax invoices for the $5k we blew on blow last month.

E-K: You'll regret saying that.

Spiky: One word for you; ELECTROFIAMMA.

Kitty: I think I need a bigger litterbox.

Kylie: I thought you'd changed your name to Salman Rushdie and moved to Iran for personal safety reasons.

XL: Don't feed the lezzer. Oops, too late.

Kitty: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurp...

Kitty said...

*tingling pinkage*

Madam Z said...

Have we learned a lesson here, children? A lesson about the ill-advised combination of "pulling bongs" while allowing blow driers "the size of a commercial jet-engine" to blast away, unattended, in a room containing animals and valuable furniture?

Sadly, I expect the answer to be, "No, you meddling cunt!"

fingers said...

Kitty: Maybe that gel has crept past your waist ??

Z: Not at all. I for one appreciate your effort in boiling my fable down to a sensible piece of advice. Privately though, I've been flooded with e-mails (mostly from Kitty and Steph) calling you a meddling cunt...

Steph said...

Fuck orff! Don't believe him Madame Z. Your comment saved me having to read any of his bollocks :p

*insert insincere 'i really did read your blog but could only come up with this lame comment' comment here.*

Kitty said...

the gel is making my trousers damp.

AT THE WAISTBAND ONLY.

Josh said...

I am just stunned to hear that Kylie is a paid up member of People for the Eating of Tasty Animals.

I always suspected she was a carnivore but it is good to have it confirmed.

Now pass me another roast canary or simmered fish snack while I wait for the final chapter.

xl said...

"catches [xl]"

Ms Kitty: I think I just found my calling in life!

fingers: Will now stop hi-jacking this comment section.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

ELECTROFIAMMA...that's not even a word.

I've heard of electro and I've heard of fiamma...but never ELECTROFIAMMA.

Okay..I have one word for you; schadenfreude. Yes...it's spelled correctly, though I have to say I usually misspell it, sticking a 'u' right after that 'a' because...don't know, but what other vowel cups an umlaut so lovingly? :)

Ciao baby.

Bad Bob said...

Hold the phone! I'm on my way. Oh wait, I have a new job. Better not for a month or two.

Kitty said...

xl- the pay is zero, the conditons are damp and confined, and you spent your entire day with a cunt, who is positioned right near an arsehole.

are you sure you want that job baby??

unique_stephen said...

Ah yes, schadenfreude, what a lovley word, it rolls off the tongue like the sound of two mercedes benz crashing. I take great epicaricacy at the thought of people using the word incorrectly myself.

Keshi said...

I dun see anything!

Keshi.

Ms Smack said...

You people scare me.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

ha...yeah, epicaricacy...a noun, is the same, yes. When I said...what other vowel cups a umlaut so lovingly, well, it was in jest to the cruel barbarous length of the German language.

I don't like feeling lots of schadenfreude. It would be a concern if I did as it is probably not good for my mental health or karmic well being. :)

Ciao babe...got to go...the cute guy (yum) from the office down the way...is here to talk with me about logistics. Wish me luck. :P

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...I can't believe you didn't post the USA thingy at Kitty blog...Sweetie, I would have stood in front of you...to protect you against any harm from fellow Americans that would want to hurt you. Being American myself...(we kick ass) I would have as I don't consider you totally French. :D

Ciao babe...have a fab weekend. :D

Gotta go..It's the 4th of July tomorrow and we have celebrating to do.

Kitty said...

spiky- are you back on the cock again? i cannot keep up with you.

fingers doesn't post fluffy friday fodder.

he has talent!

( . )( . ) said...

How did you not see that coming? The Brain should be renamed The Dumb Cunt. Haha, insurance always helps for situations like these... cant wait to see the next instalment

Spiky Zora Jones said...

kitty babe...Um, yes...um, no, well maybe. I am "bi" and though I love pussy hard, but sometimes I want to take a man I fancy to my grind house and wrap my legs around him and...well, just fuck till morning. yep. *love him long time* hehehe. But kitty, I'll always go back to pussy.

If I had a choice YOU or a big handsome strong man...you know I would not even have to think about it...you're just way to hot to resist. :P

I know...I confuse poeple sometimes...I'm so in need of meds.

The cute guy from the office down the hall is always so nervous around me. I guess I should stop toying with him and close my legs (Sharon Stone) when we sit and talk business. ;D

Ciao kitty...ciao fingers.

electro-kevin said...

I do regret saying that, Fingers.

Kitty seems irked with me that I don't know the difference between homo, lezza or bi.

Well I'll have her know that I'm a lesbian trapped in a man's body so I know just how it feels.

phishez_rule said...

This sage has been dragging on since APRIL!

Jeez man. I know it takes a while to recharge after you've done a bit when you get older, but even you should be able to churn out that last post by now.

Kitty said...

I. AM. NOT. IRKED!

EK you are imagining tone that just isn't there.

stooooopid boys.

fingers said...

Since I'm in a filthy mood today, and since no one except (.)(.) has commented on-topic in a relevant, meaningful way for days, I'm witholding my snarky replies en-masse.
Swivel...

unique_stephen said...

you cunt. I've come here to be insulted and all you can do is offer some kind of pythonesque dribble that we don't love you enough to talk about your precious creative writing. Sniveling git

unique_stephen said...

P.S. I hope you're back to feeling your cheery _OLD_ self soon.

electro-kevin said...

Well what do you expect us to say, Fingers ?

Oh yeah, did you try first aid on the budgies ?

Just how scarey was Bob ?

Sounds like a pussy to me - especially if he allowed pet budgies in the house.

I had a friend who had a pet mouse. Used to put it on the record player and turn the speed up gradually.

Cruel

But oh, sooo funny !

(I was recieving you wrong, Kitty. When you're irked with someone you usually tell them to 'fuck off' quite directly.)

Steph said...

Fuck you're an old sook.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...Oh. You really are the whine guide.

kicking the dirt with your show and mumbling...Nobody loves me...boo hoo.

Come on fingers babe...chin up. That's better.

Sweetie...darling, we all love you. We just have a warped way of showing it.

Now give us a kiss. :D

Now...you go out there and have a better day, honey.

Ciao babes. :)

EmmaK said...

fingers...come on cheer up....haven't you got the toothless hag next door to suck your cares away??

Kitty said...

emmak- no i beat that gummy bitch to death.

electro-kevin said...

Teeth are a waste of dentistry.

electro-kevin said...

Removal of dentures puts the 'O' in oral.

fingers said...

US; Thanks cunt. At least you understand.

E-K: Arrrghhh. You're still doing it. Just send the cunt some flowers or something.

Steph: Hey, did I tell you I know your real name.

Spiky: I didn't say no one loved me. I said the comments section blew goats. Still, don't let my poor attitude get in the way of one of your monologues.

Emmak: You can do better than that.

Kitty: So can you.

E-K: You probably can't...

Kitty said...

*waits for e-flowers and the rest of the fuuuuuucking stoooooooory*

come on already!

Fanny F said...

With the ASX200 at a 2 year low and the value of Chateau Cunt Point declining every day, at least you have your writing to fall back on. Ahem.

Ms Smack said...

Your comments section is known for hi-jacking, dude but in my defense, my first comment WAS about your post :)

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers...baby, see now that's better. Ah yes...back to your wonderful self. Now...no more pouting, okay?

We missed you babes.

Monologue...monologue...well, funny you should say monologue. I'll be playing at the Acopulco Room (a local club) all week.

A very pretty lady with a 10 pound sausage under her arm went into a bar...and the bar tender said...


Ciao babes.

EmmaK said...

I don't understand why you are so blue...I mean you live in a country with free drugs for fuck's sake. Go out and lick a cane toad. Do it.

mutleythedog said...

Is it finished then ? I have been lurking here for weeks waiting for the next bit!

fingers said...

Kitty: Roni and Reji are very excited about your upcoming visit. I think they have some flowers for you.

Fanny: Yes, but the whole market is down, so the old Cunt Point saying still rings true: Sold my watch, bought your house.

Smack: This has been more of a hold-up that a hijacking.

Spiky: And as Hamlet once said, 'Go fuck yourself, Ophelia.'

Emmak: I'm not blue. I was just in a shitty mood. It doesn't drag on for years, inspire billion-word posts or entire blogs.

Mutley: Pass the time by licking your balls, flea bag...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

finger: No babes, It was Ophelia that twice said, go fuck yourself, Hamlet.

Fingers...if I've made you angry, please forgive me as I didn't mean anything I said to offend you. I thought it was all just play.

Sometimes it's hard to read emotion into written words. If I've offended you...please accept my apology.

Friends?

electro-kevin said...

What is it ?

Pick on E-K day today, Fingers ???

Well I was going to attend the shindig you're having in Sydney as a surprise. I was going to let Kitty blow me and allow you to watch.

But with your last comment to me you can forget that idea ... BOAT BOY !

fingers said...

Spiky: Do you see anyone else in here grovelling for my forgiveness ?? Harden the fuck up, baby.

E-K: That's the spirit, mate. You're up late. Just back from a midnight ride with the other clan-members are we...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

So you'r cool. Okay...yeah! And BTW, it was Hamlet that once said...Ophelia, pull my finger after she apologized for saying to him...fuck off...you cunt!

Hey, is that better? :D

ciao.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Okay I have to go in. Mother is calling me in for dinner and I wanted to be the 100th commengt.

fingers said...

Spiky: Much better...

electro-kevin said...

I haven't been out riding with 'the clan', Fingers. As you know I'm an engine driver - I just can't get to sleep without the throb of a 5000hp diesel engine at 3000rpm behind me and the 'tickety-tic ...' of the wheels running over jointed track out front.

fingers said...

E-K: That must be comforting for your passengers to know, Snoozing Billy. I think I can, I think I can...no, wait, maybe I can't...very sleepy now...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Kitty said...

ek: you really like your trains hey baby? is thomas the tank engine your porno? do you bat off thinking about turkey slappin' the fat controller?

baaaaahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

*calm down i'm just kidding around*

fingers said...

Kitty: Excuse me but do I come over to your blog and abuse your readers ?? The answer is 'yes'...but that still doesn't give you the right to shit on my customers. Bad Kat...

Kitty said...

doesn't the disclaimer that i wasn't being a cunt for real, contained in cute little **'s make it all ok?

and by the fucking way, i did not shit on ek. i am not a scat kat. don't make up stories about meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

the end.

electro-kevin said...

I would argue vociferously that I DO NOT whack off to pictures of the Fat Controller.

Pictures of the Phat Kat controller is another matter entirely.

xl said...

"sure you want that job baby??"

Ms Kitty: Yes. Yes I do.

[anxiously awaiting Lesson 2]

fingers: Can you tell that the crowd is getting restless awaiting the final chapter of your saga?

fingers said...

Kitty/E-K: Get MSN or something.

xl: Let them eat...merde...

Keshi said...

*yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn*

Keshi.

Kitty said...

xl- you're hired, now lie down on the floor and stick your tongue out.

Kelly said...

What's SMB?