Sunday, November 02, 2008

sheiks on a plane...

I don’t care how cool you think you are.
I don’t care how tolerant of different cultures you think you are.
I don’t care how well-travelled you think you are.
I don’t care how stone-cold tough you think you are.

I defy any of you to tell me you wouldn’t get a just a little nervous on an airplane if three young men of distinctly Middle-Eastern appearance, dressed almost identically, with no carry-on luggage, suddenly appeared at the cabin door, came steaming down the aisle and took the vacant seats next to you.
I nearly shat myself...

My parents…wizened old ‘Fourbies’ that they be…choose to fly ‘Emirates’ when returning to the UK for holidays on The British Riviera. Their rationale being that terrorists will never attack one of their own carriers, they are quite relaxed about the idea of being the only Yids on a plane full of camel-jockeys.
Can’t fault the thought-process there.
However, when returning to Sydney, passengers on ‘Emirates’ are shuffled down to Exit 4, to be mixed in with the assorted ‘sleeper cells’ arriving on ‘Iraqi Air’, ‘United Afghan’ and ‘Express Libya’.
This makes it most uncomfortable when I’m summoned to collect Ma/Pa Fingers, standing there amongst the thousands of other relatives, the only White Infidel in a sea of True Believers. I find all those beards and moustaches just a little confronting to be honest. Then again Arab men can be scary as well.
And Allah-forbid, an inbound flight has its’ scheduled arrival time put back even just five minutes and the whole pack starts moaning and wailing as one…

150 comments:

*~Dani~* said...

I would have had the same reaction. No lying here.

Epskee said...

My partner is middle eastern. I keep telling him not to piss me off because next time we are out in public I will wait until we are somewhere crowded, start screaming, and point at him shouting "Al Qaeda!!"

Waiting for a flight a year ago he left his laptop with me and walked off to the loo. As a smart arse I suggested he not leave his bag unattended. The lady opposite us in the waiting lounge overheard and didn't take her eyes off him for the whole time.

sparsely kate said...

Those poor buggers are going to keep getting reactions like that for a long time to come. Their 'brothers' have pretty much ruined air travel for them on all western carriers, now.

I bet you kept your eye on them the whole time!

Kylie ... said...

See ... you NEARLY shat yourself whereas I would, without question, have ACTUALLY shit myself.

xl said...

Five years ago I flew from New York to Paris. The plane parked in a remote area away from the terminal. Many very armed French police escorted two Middle Eastern gentlemen off the plane. Much uneasiness by the passengers (me too).

Steph said...

Pussy!
Why would anyone be afraid of men in dresses! with headscarves no less!
Ppfft!

De Campo BC said...

Fingers you pussy. You haven’t lived until you stare out onto the tarmac of Kuwait International Airport and see your entire flight crew kneeling in prayer.

Here we get nervous if too many white dudes are on the plane. (myself included)

Kitty said...

i got once got caught in a letterbox crush at heathrow passport control one time.

i was utterly swathed in black bedsheets! i was a deeply hot blonde at the time, boobies mashed into a little tiny T and my arse hanging right out of my shorts, twas flying inbound from majorca y'see.

through the panic i managed to put my head down, elbows out and push my way through the throng - as i escaped out the side of the main pack, i turned and noticed that i had actually shed some long blonde hairs during the melee - most of which had affixed themselves to the letterboxes! oh dears!!!

i was waiting for some towel head to jump out and beat me to death with the koran for infecting his flock of whatevs.

the end.

fingers said...

Dani: I wasn't the only one whose eyebrows shot straight into the air.

Epskee: Welcome to my humble tent. I hope your partner gave you a damn good lashing for your insolence.

Kate: Bit like the Brisbane Broncos.

Kylie: And you...the self-proclaimed fountain of tolerance.

xl: And they were just the pilots.

Steph: That's pretty racist, dude.

deC: It's still got to beat sitting on the floor of a C130, with 3mm of aluminium between the AAA and your ass. I make it a rule never to fly on an airline whose motto is 'In Harm's Way'...

unique_stephen said...

I'm all left wing bleeding hearted greeny until I think someone's got a bomb under their jacket.

Memphis Steve said...

Shit, that's nothing. I once had to get on a flight from New York City to Memphis with the whole fucking National Organization for women. I was the prettiest person on the plane. They were ugly fucking psychos. And they made sure to let me know how they felt about having a man on the plane with them. Tolerance my ass.

Steph said...

How is that racist you plonker?? They DO wear dresses, I was merely pointing out t'is a bit hard to be afeared of a man in a dress........Unless they're a six foot two, trannie, up the cross in a dark alley.

You're still a pussy! Fact.

Jayne said...

Oh you bloody wuss Fingers! I admit their 'brothers' have changed the way of modern day flying, but it ain't that bad. I organised the Ahmed The Dead Terrorist ringone ("Silence! I Kill You!") whilst overseas (cos it's forbidden here) & the look on passengers faces at boarding gates when my phone rang was fuckin classic. I reckon Saudi Air is the best for fuckin everyone around tho...........it's like playing chess onna plane; wimmin refuse to sit next to a man unless he's related & by the time the poor stewards/esses sort them out there's a fat delay. Many moons ago (in the 70's) Mike actually witnessed the pilot on his knees at prayer time, whilst gliding along at some 30,000ft. In flight entertainment is watching the arrow pointing to Makkah change direction. Whoopee!
Rag'eads, put on this earth to make life fucking difficult, simply because they CAN!

La Femme said...

I'm with Unique Stephen.

After 7/7 I was on the number 25 bus going to the West End and a young muslim bloke in the full get up hopped on the bus and sat opposite me. He was holding nothing but an American Flag. I hopped off the bus. It was literally only 2 days after the attacks, but i still felt ashamed of myself for doing it.

Chuck said...

@Memphis Steve: I hope you left the toilet seat up.

@Fingers: You bet your arse I would have been keeping an eye on them the entire flight. If they would have gotten up to take a piss, I prolly would have tackled them. I'm a little jumpy and have been known to shoot at sticks and rabbits when they move while on foot patrol.

Memphis Steve said...

A Palestinian coworker told me this joke back before the terrorist attacks:

Q: How do you tell if there are any terrorists on a plane?

A: Stand up at the back of the plane and shout, "yo, Mohammed!" If anyone turns around then you know there are terrorists.

Chuck: I never made it to the toilet. I was pinned in by bulldykes all trying to out-bulldyke one another, leaning over the seats screaming that they were going to "kick" each other's "ass" like a bunch of 12 year old little boys. Seriously, I thought there was going to be a lesbian brawl onboard with the way they kept fighting the whole time.

cat said...

I being of dark features (dark, Black hair, dark skin complexion) most times that I fly I get to the airport at least 3 hours early so that I can be searched and go thru all the bull that they put me through EVERYTHIME I fly.

I would say that if I was on a flight and had some men of Eastern decent set next to me on a flight, it would shake me up, but if I had seen 3 men of similar dress and of eastern region board my plane and set next to me or anywhere for that matter, now that would probably make me get off the damn plane a schedule for a new flight and not be ashamed to say it.

Hell, the women are as dangerous if not more then the men. They try to slide past security just because they are women. I would say I'm more scared of the women cause they will carry a bomb right into a crowd of people and blow us all up just in the name of Allah.

Fanny F said...

One of those Middle Eastern guys probably owns today's Melbourne Cup winner.

fingers said...

Kitty: I'm surprised you didn't pop your customs declaration in one of the letterboxes, Redneck.

US: Nothing makes a bleeding heart bleed like a bomb under your left-wing.

MS: Hardly 'ConAir', you pussy.

Steph: What really scares me is blondes who channel 'Braveheart'. Ya cannae hanna man a granna spanner. Aye. WTF ??

Jayne: Yeah but when all the oil runs out it'll be back to herding goats on rocky hillsides for these guys.

laF: Welcome to TWG, you dumb Anglo cracker...:). It's true though. It wouldn't matter if the guy was Mozzie Al Fayed, they still look dodgy.

Chuck: Lucky you have your own airline now then.

MS: Must be a real hoot down at The Palestine Comedy Club.

Cat: They just search you coz you're hot, baby. Nothing to do with your sideburns. You're just hot.

Fanny: And I'd rather sit next to the horse on a plane that its owner...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...that really is the Shites...huh?

I don't think I've seen any Middle Eastern folk...anywheres.

I've been in planes where I thought I was a gonner...the lady in front of me spilled her drink back on me...like I really needed that. The plane leveled...thanks to GOD!

WTF is she doing in first class anyway.

Anyway babes...we travel on our own private jet these days when it's company work...but when I'm on personal business...I shoot out of LAX. I'm always padded down...and if not I request it, hehehe.

I board the jet...tell the hostess gal to bring me a Crown Royal and seven (no sissy drinks when traveling) every 15 minutes till I pass out...then one every half hour after that.

Wake me when we get to Miami...

Ciao babe...

Steph said...

I love the Scots. It's the kilt that gets me. SEE, I'm not afraid of men in dresses.......or skirts.

Now, reading this comment section I do declare my comment to be the LEAST racist of the lot.

Stick that in ye pipe and smoke it!

Josh said...

I am going to go against the grain here and say that I have no problem with sharing a plane with middle eastern folk.

You want scary, try sharing a beach, let alone a wave with the bloody Bra boys, that is threatening.

I am not even going to touch on the dread that Sarah Palin and her christian fundamentalist nut job friends inspire.

Clyde said...

Geez, I wish people would stop calling them towell heads---it's a little sheet, not a towell---so they are actually little sheet heads
I'm not really worried about the no hand luggage--but if they are wearing a back pack-----hmmmmm.
Probably get more trouble from 40 blokes wearing Australian Rugby jumpers

Ms Smack said...

I reckon you look a bit like one of them, honey.

Great post though, made me laugh, and yeah, i'm guilty. I'd be assuming they're evil, which is sad, because not all of them are.

Kylie ... said...

I never said I was a "fountain of tolerance". Where DID you come up with that phrase?

I said something like "... I refuse to judge people. Period.". However, that statement was intended in the EXACT context in which it appeared. I knew that would come back to bite me on the arse. Clearly, I should have chosen my words more carefully.

Bloody hell! Now I don't even know what I'm trying to say and I'm not someone who is easily confused.

If I DON'T know someone, have NEVER had a conversation with someone and they look like they intend to or may be capable of blowing up a freakin' plane ... of course I'm going to shit myself!

That is all.

La Femme said...

Thanks for the welcome parade : ) But i is austrayan. I just lived in the UK for many a year.

De Campo BC said...

I guess I’ve been living in the Middle East too long to take notice of such things. On a side note, I look very dashing in a T.E. Lawrence sort of way when I wear my dishdashah (ie: dress).

Now if you will excuse me, I feel a hate crime coming on.

phishez said...

Well, that must have been a fun trip back to chateau de parental on the vespa...

Memphis Steve said...

No, it was no ConAir flight and there was a lot of pussy onboard, but none worth having.

Yes, the Palestinian comedy club. It's a huge hit in midtown Memphis. But they can't keep the place open. It keeps having to be remodeled every time one of those Desert Tarzans laughs too hard and accidently pushes the button on his bomb vest.

Aye, I'm Scotish, fair all the fecking good it dead meh.

How the fuck did Sarah Palin and fundamentalist Christians get thrown in here on an Aussie blog about Muslim terrorists and airports?

Where is my vodka? I need a drink. This comment stream is more confusing than the entire rest of the internet combined. Except for the part with the Brazilian girls doing dogs porn. That shit is just plain freaky deaky.

fingers said...

Spiker: No, but I bet you've met some Middle Earth folk on that fantasy blog of yours.

Steph: Och, Lassie...I was just having a wee tug on your leg (which is a disgusting habit...but one I can't seem to beak...woof.)

Josh: I'd rather swim in my toilet than be seen at Maroubra. What a swamp.

Smack: Haha...remember that pic of me with a tea-towel on my head, when I went to our AGM dressed as that PLO goat-fucker, Arafat.

Kylie: Pfft...semantics. The important thing is that we don't tolerate tolerance in here.

laF: Awesome. I'll be sure to ammend my records accordingly.

deC; Have you lived there long enough that you say 'Thank Allah It's Thursday' yet ??

Phish: It helps me retain my status as 'Most Favoured Child'.

MS: Hey, remember when I said you could have my blog and do what you like with it. I WAS FUCKING KIDDING...

Keshi said...

ty for dropping by my blog again Fingers.

I thought u saw me as an Emirates stewardess for awhile? :)

Keshi.

fingers said...

Keshi: No, I saw you more as a suicide-blogger standing there threatening to blow up the internet if people didn't love you for who you are...

Bo Bo said...

I did Melbourne to LA next to a sweating fat man and an overly fussy and annoying woman with an 18 month old baby on her lap that thought the longer and louder it screamed the faster the plane would go. If that had of been the case we would have made it to LA in 3min 51sec. I was praying for a sleeper cell to wake up.

( . )( . ) said...

Your mum.

fingers said...

BooBoo: So what ?? This post is about Mozzies, not a discussion on shitty plane trips you once took. Focus, dickhead.

(.)(.): Yo mama...

Keshi said...

I'd still be flying (preferably Emirates) before blowing up!

Keshi.

Bo Bo said...

Yeah yeah I get it; towel heads bad, middle aged men on scooters good.

Bad Bob said...

I would be uncomfortable at best. You don't have to worry about them on my airline, however. I can pick and choose who gets to ride.

EmmaK said...

Couldn't disagree more, was on a flight full of Arabs wearing long robes back from India on Dubai Air. It was a total jolly and all the arabs were very friendly and not sinister at all. Unlimited free drinks and cocktails were on offer and the best food ever... we all had a right old knees up. If they'd blown up the plane I don't think I'd have cared.

I've tagged you you sexy beast!

Memphis Steve said...

It's not your blog that I want. I'm not going to get what I want. I'm just here to peek through the bars and throw poo.

fingers said...

Keshi: This is a huge relief to all of us.

BooBoo: There...see...that wasn't too difficult, was it ??

BB: I think you might want to look at Keshi as a potential stewardess on Air Bob.

Emmak: Hey, I'd be happy to fly on a plane filled with lepers if it meant getting the fuck out of India. As for being tagged...

MS: Throw all the poo you like, but there will be no more auto-erotic activity in my zoo, Bonzo...

UBERMOUTH said...

Good for you Josh for having the guts to go against the tide.

I guess racism is only unacceptable when directed at Aboriginals.

You and your readers need to befriend some middle easterners to sample their real culture, and stop listening to spin.

fingers said...

Uber: Oh please, TWG is hardly a hotbed of racial intolerance. Did any of this look like a serious discussion to you ?? Just because you're on a first name basis with the local kebab-vendor, doesn't make you Henry Kissinger, Uber...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

What? Middle Earth? Actually I met many when I was in Middle Earth...that is what we call Oz, right?

Anyway Frodo fingers...My ass-wipe of a blog is not fantasy...It's a 100% crap. I thought that was what you liked about it, sweetie. :D

Hehehe.

And as for me...I'm not afraid of any group of people...well there was that one time I was in Washington DC and walked right into a group of Republican State Senators. I swear, they are all hands.

Now that was scary. I quickly took off my 'Vote for Obama' button...till I walked by. Whew.

Ciao babe...have a fab week. And I did like your post.

electro-kevin said...

Sounds like your flight was Shiite.

Steph said...

LOLafuckinglicious! I think some pee just came out.

Memphis Steve said...

Auto-erotic activity? You mean, like this?

Hey, now that the communists are completely in control of the United States I was just wondering if maybe I could come stayin your garage for, oh, say four years?

fingers said...

Spiker: It can't have been a very large group; they've only got two senators left.

E-K: Hahaha...very good.

Steph: What's so funny, 'Pees In Your Pants' ??

MS: I wouldn't let you stay in my garage if the Martians were in control of your country...and THAT always happens when you have a black president over there...

Memphis Steve said...

We had martians while Clinton was president? How did I not hear of this?

UBERMOUTH said...

Fingers,
I would be the last person that one could accuse of 'not getting the joke' and am all for your brand of shock comedy, which does not necessarily reflect your true views and opinions.

What I was pointing out was that had you made Aboriginal racist jokes instead, your responses would have been quiet different, for no other reason than Aboriginal bashing is not'in voque' this year, but Muslim /Arabs are ........and therein lies the racism.

Look at your responses, do you think they took it as meant?

UBERMOUTH said...

BTW I realize you are a sensitive soul, so let me clarify- that was an observation to ponder, not a criticism.

surfercam said...

"I find all those beards and moustaches just a little confronting to be honest. Then again Arab men can be scary as well." - that's gold!

You've reminded me of something that happened to me. Will post later.

Steph said...

Uber, get off your soap box!
Most people are actually laughing at the hypocrisy of the situation, but clearly the sarcasm went totally over your head.

If you lived in Australia you'd be more afeared of going to beach at Cronulla and dealing with the Anglo fuckwits than being on a plane load of Arabs!

Bad Bob said...

Sounds good to me mate. Now I just need to get my little airliner down under....

fingers said...

Uber: Comedy is always at someone's expense. Today it was Mozzies, tomorrow it could be Chickety Chinas or Blackfellas ?? Some lines are just not worth crossing though, no matter how good the gag. I wish it were different but I can't be bothered defending myself from small-minded idiots who don't see the value of humour in breaking down these ridiculously PC barriers. And I'm not talking about you.

SC: Kinda snuck that one in...

Kylie ... said...

Okay, so no tolerating tolerance here. Got it!

Any other rules I need to know about?

fingers said...

Steph: I thought you'd just been made 'Grand Dragon' down there at the Shire Branch ??

BB: You gonna fly it over here yourself, Amelia Airhead ??

Uber: Just a quick query. When GW Bush was busy making a cunt of himself, it was all OK to call him a dumb hillbilly cracker. If Osama fucks up, are we allowed to call it like we see it or will that be seen as oppressive ?? Again, as you say, this is just an observation...

fingers said...

Kylie: I missed your comment out, didn't I ?? I just remembered I saw it this morning before I started replying. But I missed you out by accident. So, you deleted your comment and re-inserted it down here, didn't you ?? That's superb. What a lovely, understated little tanty...

Kylie ... said...

Gee, you don't miss a trick, do you?

And it wasn't a tanty, understated or otherwise. I just wanted my damned question answered to reduce the likelihood of having my head bitten off - if that's at all possible.

So be nice will you? Just this once?

Yes, I deleted this comment and re-posted it TWICE due to a spelling error. Shoot me!

fingers said...

Kylie: Nope, nothing. I see everything that goes on here at TWG. Like God, only meaner. OK, the other rules are:
1) No trying to be sneaky.
2) No crappy spelling.
3) No littering with 'Comment Deleted' stuff.

Now, get up against the wall...

Kylie ... said...

Okay, as per your instructions I'm up against the wall ...

Do I want to know what happens now?

fingers said...

Kylie: Well, if you'd like to pull your skirt down, turn round, face me and open your eyes, I was thinking of shooting you...

Kylie ... said...

Fine, but if you shoot me you inherit Boy Wonder.

Also, I'm not wearing a skirt.

Aphrodite's Friend said...

Fingers.. iv been on leave.. (of my senses) so i ended up down in the dumps(ter). I never met your mate however..

the slum O's are a slight concern.. especially those with the dish cloth on..

speaking about sheiks on a plane..? the safest flight iv ever been on was an Emirates flight.. with 2 peregrine falcons sitting on their own seat in business class! i kid you not.. I thought id seen everything.. apparantly the sheik al maktoum fancies his feathered friends..

anyway.. Its fri.. please dont forget to go to mosque..

speaking of mosque.. you know its slightly hot down here.. crime an all.. the other day some gang bangers car jack the mulana on his way to the mosque.. He squeals that his job is to put that noise on to summon the O's to prayer..

so they take him to the mosque.. tie him up.. and substitute the tape..

so at 4 am the whole of Phoenix wakes up to the sound of "Who let the dogs out..!! Whoo! Whoo!"

good to laugh.. but it happened. :)

anyway.. good popping over to see you.. iv a new site and url.

love Tiffy

Kelly said...

COMPLETELY INSENSITIVE AND OUT OF CHARACTER COMMENT AHEAD!

I would have pulled out my travel Janga and invited them to play.

I know they would lose...

ok... I'm sorry for that one...

/hangs head in shame

UBERMOUTH said...

Fingers,

I think that racism is a very complex issue. For instance,calling a white man'honkie' is not as hurtful to the white man ,due to him enjoying 'supreme' status,as it would be calling a minority a derogatory name, which has been used to oppress and demean.

Implementing P.C guidelines to combat this has lead to MORE oppression, ridiculously so.
I, too, believe in rebelling against that, as you know, but to a point.
Now getting into comedy- stop me if I am being anal-LOL-it truly is a powerful communication medium, as you, me and Barbie know only to well.At the risk of sousnding like a sychophant,Barbie pulls it off best because she ISN'T offensive. You and I go out of our way to be so. :)

But, (and I hope that you are old enough to know this controversy Barbie)do you recall the whole fiasco with Richard Pryor using the 'N' word in his comedy?
He tried to alter and lessen the hurt of the word by bandying about everywhere , thinking it would diminish it's power.
He actually did the reverse- making it socially aceptable to call people that, esp. couched in comedy.

Comedy is a very powerful tool that carries responsibility, esp with our brand, Fingers because people don't always get facetiousness, hence you are inadvertantly, passively-agressively promoting racism.

Yeah, I think it would be pretty atrocious if OBama failed and then there was a resurgence of 'dumb n' jokes...because his colour is not part of the equation.

His election spoke more about the racism in America that the lack of it, which I have no doubt you would have picked up that most don't. Obama ,more than anyone else, used his colour and racism to secure his win, which is sad that he felt the need to do that.

Look how people cried at their first 'black'president, ssmug in their proggressive views that thye were benevolent enough to vote him in-the whitest black man I have seen- which would not have been the case if he was 2 shades darker, oblivious to the fact that their relfection of their anti-racist benevolence was reflected back from the 2 inch, 10'x15' bullet proof glass enclosure, from which he had to give his victory speech. THAT was historical!

And deeply upsetting he was so demeaned!

What did you think about that Barbie?
Regarding being on my soapbox,one is either opposed to racism in all it's forms, at all times, or not. A soapbox is not a ladder. To knock someone down over this issue Barbie, when you have been just as passionate, is belittling for both of us.

UBERMOUTH said...

* It was not a criticism, but an observation, that encompassed comments as well as the post . It was not directed at you Fingers, entirely.I ,for the most part, enjoy your humour very much.

electro-kevin said...

Did you really think the DM article was THAT tasteless ???

Be honest with me, Fingers, because I can't see it.

(A long term friendship is at stake here)

Memphis Steve said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Memphis Steve said...

Oooh, let me, let me!

"calling a white man'honkie' is not as hurtful to the white man ,due to him enjoying 'supreme' status,as it would be calling a minority a derogatory name, which has been used to oppress and demean"

How do you know? When I'm in Memphis surrounded by the black majority and one of them calls me 'honkie' I know that in a minute a gun is coming out and it isn't mine. I find it very hurtful. I don't like being shot at for being white.

"do you recall the whole fiasco with Richard Pryor using the 'N' word in his comedy?"

Richard Pryor set himself on fire. Hey, that rhymes!

"I think it would be pretty atrocious if OBama failed and then there was a resurgence of 'dumb n' jokes"

Obama is a half-n-half, like Halle Berry. If he fails they'll be saying it's the honkie in him that f-ed it all up. Anyone who slams on the black in him to any real effect is gonna be a full-blooded black comedian and the black folk in the audience are gonna laugh even harder knowing how offended all the rich white liberals are at hearing it.

"His election spoke more about the racism in America that the lack of it"

Oh for fucks sake! No wait, that's sorta true. Nevermind.

"Look how people cried at their first 'black'president, ssmug in their proggressive views that thye were benevolent enough to vote him in-the whitest black man I have seen- which would not have been the case if he was 2 shades darker"

OK, now this shit is getting good here.

"What did you think about that Barbie?"

Barbie is currently busy at the moment, but if you'd care to leave a message I'll see that she gets it.

Memphis Steve said...

My apologies for the deleted comment. I failed to resist the temptation to respond to Ubermouth even though A) this is not actually my blog and B) she wasn't talking to me. As a result I felt that I should shitcan the previous comment.

Also, if anyone should interpret my response to Uber as an attempt to join in a fight, attack Uber, or in any way be serious, I just want to state in my defense that I am still high as a kite on cold medicine and have no idea what the hell I'm doing right now.

Bedlam said...

whoo weeee!!!! sounds like my look-a-like folk here, young men of distinctly Middle-Eastern appearance, dressed almost identically, with no carry-on luggage (well thats how Im told I look when the beard is full, also gave me cover IN THE SANDBOX!!!!!!) BEDLAM im called for a reason, the reason that were here, a wee bit earth, wind and FIRE!!!!!

UBERMOUTH said...

Sorry, Fingers for taking over, but I would like to address Steve's points. Didn't mean to take over your blog.
Steve,
I would hope that I have generated a discussion on 'racism in comedy'and it's implications, and am not attacking anyone, nor feel attacked by anyone.I don't think, I hope, that Fingers would be adverse to a bit of a serious discussion on his blog.

Your points:
1/ Richard Pryor did indeed create more harm than good, although it was with the best of intentions. Once recognizing that the negative connotations associated can never be removed from the'N' word,he made a point of never using that word again, and speaking out on the issue.

2/ I have been in a minority situation.A club I used to frequent had become a 'black' club and when me and my friend went in,the whole place literally stopped dancing, stared us down, and made it clear we were to leave.The hostility and danger was shocking, but a good walk in someone else's shoes that everyone should experience to gain the minority perspective.

So, whilst you were the minority in some particular situations, their views/hatred is the by-product of racism, not racism itself.You were a representative of the white man's oppression.
And when minorities have issue with the 'powerfuil white' one can hardly blame them for those views.

You,as many people do, on the other hand, assume that if you are the minority white in a group of blacks(I HATE that word)then, you fear for your life, whether it's a realistic probability or not.

THAT is how racism effects ALL of us.

UBERMOUTH said...

When you studied law,Fingers did you cover the legal ramifications of being a minority and effects of racism? I would suspect that, as you were familiar with Lowrey's Theory of Decriminalization of Victimless Crimes, that you studied in North America?

* I hope that you don't mind me outting you, there. :)

EmmaK said...

I think in the interests of a fair and balanced blog you should also tell a story about some Arabs on a plane who got freaked out when some Yids in skull caps got on who threatened to open a jar of gefilte fish. Sadly, there seems to be a lack of jokes about jews about and they have it pretty convenient too. Every time you try and make jokes about jews they always say you are being anti-semitic. Yids eh!

fingers said...

Kylie: A cursory glance through the 'Executioner's Manual' suggests the only thing you're entitled to ask for is a last meal.

Aphro: I spend more time changing your URL than I do writing posts for this blog. Stand still, will you.

Kelly: Hilarious. What's 'Janga' ??

Uber/MS: I'm actually pleased this meaningless post has spawned such a healthy debate. You both make excellent points. I won't address the specifics of racism; it's a no-brainer. Racism, as with most 'isms', represents an extreme view of something. And extremism is always dangerous. I simply find racism stupid and as such it's a perfect target for comedy. No, we won't eradicate it by making jokes and desensitizing the issue, but I'll be fucked if I'm going to tip-toe round the subject either. One standard for all, not two, or three or more. I lived in Japan for many years and the Japanese pratcise a very covert form of racism, not really in your face, like the 'honest' form we practise here, however it's born of the same unhealthy parents: ignorance and fear. They are particularly sensitive to the use of the words 'Japs' and 'Nips'. It stems from the connotations associated with those perjorative terms for their soldiers during WW2. 'Nigger' still has too much baggage for many people, as does 'Gook'. Just words, but until you've had your family taken out and shot, hung or tortured in front of you, I guess you can't understand the depth of horror those words conjure up for some people.
Anyway, huge topic...I don't necessarily agree with either of you entirely, however I'm glad you're both capable of making your views in such a lucid, unhysterical fashion. As usual, I believe the answers lay somewhere in the middle.

E-K: No, not really. I do however believe that the spoof was so overdone as to defeat its purpose, inasmuch as it was so riddled with offensive hyperbole that the real target of the exercise was lost. The true horror is that papers like The Mail even exist.

Bedlam: I neglected to mention the reason they were identically dressed is that they belonged to the same soccer team. It would have ruined the gag. Hey, what do you know...I AM a racist after all.

Uber: I studied law in OZ, where we believe that athough there ARE victimless crimes, the perps are usually guilty of something else anyway, so fuck 'em.

Emmak: You know, it's weird. Yids have a wonderful sense of humour, are superb at the one-line retorts etc...but they suck at telling jokes ans suck even harder at being the butt of one. My favourite Yid joke is the Rabbi discussing the fact that Jews were The Chosen Ones...says 'Oy, I wish that cunt had chosen the Muslims instead'...

Steph said...

Uber, do you think you could be just a little more condescending and arrogant?
FFS! You are missing the point entirely in your quest to take the moral high ground.

fingers said...

Uber: Almost forgot...if youre going to take a swipe at Steph, take one...be my guest...but calling her 'Barbie', with all the dumb, blonde bimbo connotations that carries...is a little dismissive don't you think...

fingers said...

Oh FFS...while I was writing that last comment, 'Barbie' snuck in and made the point for me. Way to go, Bimbo...

Steph said...

Huzzah!! I's berry cleva and stuf!

Kylie ... said...

I've actually decided I'd rather not be shot, so last meal my arse! Can we play something else now?

I also LOVED that Uber wrote "Didn't mean to take over your blog" in a previous comment and then went on to do it again.

And why would anyone ASSUME an Australian studied Law in the U.S.?

UBERMOUTH said...

Actually Fingers my calling Barbie, 'Barbie' is not meant in the derogatory way one would assume.What it does in fact mean to me has been explained to her, which she was touched by, and I most certainly asked her permission to call her that.

Barbie,
Under what authority do you purport to exercise the right to dictate/curtail/abuse someone's right to speak out, especially since you are so outspoken yourself?
I am not even going to attempt to figure out what your last bitchy comment was in relation to, but we BOTH know it had nothing to do with calling you 'Barbie'.
Make no mistake,I am not going to tolerate being abused, despite my past fondness for you, when I have gone out of my way to ensure no one should offense at anything I have said...except you, it seems , for some unfathomable reason.

UBERMOUTH said...

Kylie,
Because Lowrey is North American.

Kylie ... said...

Uber - So you're ASSUMING that because Fingers is Australian he should have no knowledge of anything but Australian Law? Are you ASSUMING that Australian Universities are sub-standard in their teaching? Interesting. Do yourself a favour and don't ASSUME anything.

Also, I hardly think stepping into a nightclub full of black people constitutes what you'd call a taste of racism. Try living in a predominantly black country for three years and being spat on and harrassed because your skin is white ... when you're only six years old!

fingers said...

Steph: Please don't Lolcatz in here.

Kylie: I bet the Bali bombers wish they had access to your brilliant legal mind.

Uber: Oh, I see. It was actually a compliment: as in, she's as bright as 'Barbie'. We don't have the 'Professor of Social Theory Barbie Doll' down here yet, so we weren't to know.

Kylie: Actually, she's right. I don't have any knowledge of US law. Why would I, since it rarely applies. The US has a codified system of law, whereas we have the UK system, which is predicated on precedent and evolution.

Anyway, enough interference from me...I believe Uber was calling Steph a stupid slut, Kylie was calling Uber an ill-informed windbag, Steph was calling Uber an arrogant blog-hogger and Uber was calling Kylie a lesbian...please carry on...

fingers said...

OK, which one of you silly cunts just hacked the blog and stole my 'save' and 'publish' buttons...

Kylie ... said...

Our legal system is based on the U.K. legal system? No shit!

Once upon a very long time ago, I was personal secretary to a Q.C. (who is now a Victorian Supreme Court Judge) and then went on to work as personal assistant for a senior partner of a well known Victorian Law Firm (Jewish, no less. They'd come into the office, by foot - no car driving, on their Observation Days, but we couldn't actually talk to them and they couldn't take any calls. Maybe you can explain that.).

So believe it or not I actually know what Mens Rea, Actus Reus and Malice Aforethought mean. I may not have the 'brilliant legal mind' that you so clearly possess, but I have access to people that would enable me to give you a run for your money.

Let's not start on the Bali Bombers ... Uber will have a coniption.

Also, I now deal predominantly with bodies. I know NOTHING about computer hacking. I'm lucky if I can turn my laptop on successfully in one go.

Kylie ... said...

Should one want to email you, not that I do, but if SOMEONE wanted to ... how would one go about that?

Is there a special super secret code? Or do you, in all your glorified superiority, do the emailing?

Just wondering...

xl said...

It could be w*rse. You could have called the guys in the story pee-pees, then we would have a real food fight going here.

fingers said...

Well, something weird is going on, coz my blogroll just disappeared.
At this rate TWG will be gone by Monday...what the fuck is going on ??

fingers said...

Hmmm, I have no idea WTF is happening but I've lost publishing functions, administrative control and can't even comment without logging out and signing in again.
Any of you geeks know what the story is...

Kylie ... said...

I'm a Science geek, not an IT geek so I doubt I can help.

Sorry Fingers.

Have you tried turning off the computer and turning it on again?

Email me!

fingers said...

OK, well...this blog is totally fucked.
I'm losing functionality and have no idea what the problem is. I can't edit, comment or fiddle with the 'html', so it looks like drapes for The Whine Guide.

Kylie: Relax. I have e-mail contact with just a few bloggers...all of whom I've known for a few years. It's nothing personal...blogging is just blogging. Try blecagot@yahoo.com.au which is an anonymous account I use sometimes...

Kylie said...

You've been HaXor8ted!
Funny that. Uber had lots to do with that crazy Shelly bitch who reckons her blog was hacked too.
Coinkydink?

Uber you hapless gronk. Go troll someone elses blog. You're embarrassing yourself now.

Kylie ... said...

Fingers, something WEIRD is happening. I tried to edit a post and couldn't. Then my computer froze.

I had to not only log off, but shut down.

When I clicked the link to your page just now, the link worked fine ... but you're right. Your blogroll has disappeared AND instead shows 3 links: Google News; Edit me and Edit me again.

Weird. Very, very weird.

I hope it isn't the end of TWG. I've only just found you!

Kylie ... said...

Also, TWO Kylie's have noticed that Uber has started leaving comments and now your blog's gone SPAZ?

Coinkydink. Me thinks not!

fingers said...

Kylie(s): Easy Tigers. As attractively convenient that theory appears, there's not even the slightest evidence to support the allegation. Uber's been a good witch lately...and she likes it here, so I doubt she has anything to do with it. And I'm not buying into all this Shelley-shit. It's probably just a Blogger fuck-up, which I hope will clear itself of its own accord. So, claws away or I'll have to get the big clippers out...

Steph said...

Claws away my arse!

Uber done called me OUT!
Uber, do you not think it the Height of bad manners to hijack
someone's comment section when you've totally missed the point?

Nobody is saying you have no right to your opinion, but you've
totally taken the post the wrong way and have been very patronising
in your response.

As for being "bitchy", honey, you have to be kidding. I thought
I was being quite civil considering you've just hijacked
Fingers blog for your agenda, whatever that may be.
I thought you had retired from blogging anyway!

Nobody abused you, so stop being a fucking dramaqueen and take your
shit to your own blog.
Thanks for reminding me why I blocked your email. And want nothing to do with you. Cheers!

fingers said...

Steph: Hi Princess...are you and Bad Kylie hanging out tonight ?? You're not licking each other's Rabbits clean and taking turns on the laptop, are you ?? Coinkydink...MUCH...

Steph said...

We are!! Well, not the last bit, but we're having a few drinky poos and facebook stalking people! Tonnes of fun!

Anyway, just want to say sorry for the bitchfighting. I won't continue. Uber if you have anything more to say to me.........well I was gonna say email me but you can't.....HA!
Bah bye!!

Steph said...

Strike that. Not the FIRST bit.
Gah!

Kylie said...

Steph is like totally hijacking your comment section now. What a hypocrite!
Hahahahahahhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!
More Vino? I don't mind if I dooooo.

P.S Don't do it Fingers. Don't do it!!! Step away from the emails! Step the fuck away!!!

Aphrodite's Friend said...

Monodactyly...

What did you do in your past life to get such a creative imagination? :-) and i do like gold fish.. and koi... but lets not open the sea food door..

But to answer your question..? lets call it adding some depth for new readers. But im certainly doing new posts as well.. Monday is to be interesting.. :-)

Sorry to see your A rab theme sky jacked.. but i suppose thats Karma..?

do you guys have a chocolate over there called "Top Deck?"

love Tiffy

Clyde said...

Geez, the lunatics are in charge of the asylum

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Hey...why'd you erase me from your blogroll?

Did I say something wrong?

Oh...BTW, I want to thank you. I won't say why...not here aat least.

But I could kiss you...and press myself against you (that parts for me) anyway...I'm searching for words here...to express my feelings.

You have no idea why I'm saying this...and I'll leave it at that.

I'll tell you in a email when I can.

Thank you again...I heart you mister, big time.

Ciao fingers.

UBERMOUTH said...

Kylie- I think you jumped to incorrect assumptions, in your haste to assume I had. The legal 'theory'referred to was North American specific in sofaras they were considering legislating it there at the time. I was suprised/impressed/delighted that Fingers knew of this,because of the geographical influences. Many people , including the British actually go to North America to study law.

Stephanie-'Get over your self.'

Fingers- Thanks for your politesness.I enjoyed your reponse, and hope that you took my comments, and need to clarify them in the right vein.

Thanks guys,it's been stimulating.

UBERMOUTH said...

Oh, I seem to have missed your comments Kylie. How rude,and dull, that you would attack somone you don't know based on your leap to wild, incorrect assumptions the very thing you accuse others of.

Don't you assume the 'night club' example was my only 'taste' of racism, flicking me off as ill informed.
My first love was Cuba, I have a bi-racial brother and I was married to a Muslim Turk. For a white person, I am very well informed on the issue of racism, possibly moreso than you.

Being forced to clarify and justify points made due to yours and Stepahnie's hysteria and rudeness, does not make me a troll.
And you are both,actually disrespecting your host when your hostile 'security detail' chases away his readers.
I would suggest you two took over his blog.

Kylie ... said...

Uber I have no idea which Kylie you are ranting at because you didn't bother to clarify. There are TWO of us, in case that escaped your attention ... I'm not the one who knows Steph.

Nevertheless, I would suggest to you that when you leave eleven comments, two of which have a combined word count of 705 (Yes. seriously!), that you are the one who took over this blog. Considering Fingers' original post was only 265 words long.

That is all.

fingers said...

Well, either The Phantom Hacker has taken their foot of my blog's throat, or it was just a host glitch...

Steph/Bad Kylie: Thanks for the webcam conference last night...you two are such good sports.

Aphro: Monodactyly...very good. Did you know the opposite condition is sometimes called sexdactyly ?? Hannibal Lechter was a sexdactyl. And yes, we have Top Decks...although some of my readers don't.

Clyde: When bloggers stay home on Saturday nights.

Spiker: The blogroll is only partially rebuilt. Don't panic. And I DO know what you're talking about. Shhhh, don't spoil it.

Uber: You're welcome. Feel free to rough the guests up...but let's leave the personal stuff out...unless it's really funny.

Good Kylie: While you're checking the stats, you might want to see if you broke any records in this post. Pretty good effort for a rookie...

Regulus said...

What happened to your blog links ...?

Ms Smack said...

Okay, so I emailed you letting you know the links were screwy. If you need a hand, ask someone! We all know how to do links!

The other day I logged on and my entire page was split in two, dissected like you wish Steph and Kylie were around your pee pee.

Have a good week
C

Aphrodite's Friend said...

Doth peace reign in Bloggy Land yet? I must say im really impressed.. Come on gals why not come over to Monodactyly Mansion and all three of you gals can kiss and make up. Have a 3 some.. Let the Monodactyly watch.(I would guess he is a watcher.) Invite Bo for some entertainment.. Leave the bats and law books at home.. We all know that when the messiah comes out of the dumpster we will not need lawyers and accountants anymore.. So lets not law or account for anything. just have fun in Bloggy Town.. call me the Piecemaker.. Love Tiff

xl said...

"It could be w*rse. You could have called the guys in the story pee-pees, then we would have a real food fight going here.

11:15 PM"

fingers said...

Reg: I have no idea what happened to them. I've just spent an hour putting them back though, in no particular order...except that I had to put Kitty on top or she'd have a meltdown.

Smack: Thank you. I had no idea they weren't working...except that when I clicked on them they didn't work.

Aphro: Would you like some syrup with your waffle ??

XL: Whatever happened to that nice Slutty person...

PS, you'll notice I culled a few comments...on the basis they lowered the tone of this blog, which I had previously thought impossible...but somehow you managed...

Rage said...

I'd be scared shitless!

Regulus said...

Thank you, Fingers. I thought I had given offense, and none was meant, intentionally or otherwise.

Madam Z said...

I don't think I'm cool, or tolerant of different cultures or well-traveled or stone cold tough. I am terrified to fly on a plane with anyone who looks like he even *might* be a young, Muslim male. And three of them? Shit would fly!

Ms Smack said...

lol @ lowered the tone of this blog - that's hilarious.

Glad the links got better for you. I use your links alot, so thanks!

Aphrodite's Friend said...

Nope.. i prefer cream with my honey and waffle.. :-) have a great week Fingers! love Tiff

Jane said...

oh my golly gosh!

120 comments!

Steph said...

Would have been more if he didn't CENSOR some!! Nazi!

Wait.........Is that being racist??

De Campo BC said...

I've often wished more people would comment on my blog. Not so much anymore.

cat said...

Dang, I'm never online this late in the evening. I seen where you posted on my blog (this p.m. for me and A.M. for you) and wanted to let you know that I DO LIKE MY PROVIDER.....left you a message on my site.

I hope all of this stuff doesn't run you off from us. We would miss you dearly......you are my Fav. i would be so depressed and heart-broken if you left us.

Bad Bob said...

Hey! I didn't mean to piss you off either! My link's gone too, not that anyone reads what I rarely post, but I come here and then click on my link to see if I'm home.

electro-kevin said...

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_kGD_KvOuMfc/SRbkFYE7D4I/AAAAAAAAAkw/4HHRYiKHUZY/s1600-h/obama.jpg

Err ...

... I think we've just descended to new depths.

Well done, Fingers. A thoroughly indecent blog. I do hope you're proud, you fascist !

Memphis Steve said...

Electro_Kevin, that's hilarious!

Kylie said...

Seems the whole world has their period!!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...baby...sweetie, Where are you honey?

I'm doing drive-bys...wondering when your next post will be up. I guess I could just park my ass out here in front of your mansion and wait for your words.

*Sigh*

I'm bored and there's no place like The Whine Guide for fun.

Um, I think I'll go to the cafetaria for a diet Dr. Pepper and a cup cake...yeah and that cup cake is the new gal in ER. Woo. I could see that she likes me too. Um, that or she had indigestion.

Be back soon to check on you sweetie.

Ciao baby.

electro-kevin said...

Memphis - I've scared Fingers into hiding.

When the going gets tough ...

fingers said...

rage: Good to see you living up to your name. Welcome to TWG.

Reg: Apology accepted.

Z: That's a refreshingly candid piece of racism there, Z. I like to see someone who's not afraid to shout their bigotry from the treetops.

Smack: I'm thrilled that TWG is so useful to you as a bookmark.

Aphro: I have a gelato for you.

Jane: It should be my finest hour, shouldn't it ??

Steph: Of course it's not racist. It's stupid...but not racist.

deC: The old story; be careful what you wish for.

Cat: I'm not going anywhere, baby. I thought my splendid blog was being eaten by a site-eating virus, but it turns out it was just a Blogger-glitch. Still here. mostly just for you.

BB: Yeah I left you off intentionally just to fuck with your head a bit.

E-K: Ha, that's rich coming from you, whose political ideals are to the right of Ghengis Khan.

MS: Oh look, Atilla the Hun's agreeing with Ghengis Khan.

Kylie: 'Steph, Fingers is a fucking pussy! I'm never commenting there again. EVAH!'
Your willpower is a force of nature. YOU PUSSY.

Spiker: Yeah, bit slow on the creative uptake at the moment. Might start a story on the weekend that's been dying to be told for 25 years.

E-K: Nah, just got a bit on at the moment, what with the end of the world and all...

Kylie said...

Did you think I meant that? LOL, you wish!

Memphis Steve said...

I'm a historical figure now. That's quite a promotion from homeless dumpster-living peasant all the way up to conquering tyrant. You know, there are cultures that think Napoleon was a god and others that hate him like Hitler. Me, being American, was taught in public school that he was a black gay autistic man who united France and encouraged tolerance throughout all of Europe. Of course, Australia wasn't even on the maps we learned geography from so make of it what you will.

fifi said...

aaahhhh.


Always a pleasure.


* goes back and sits on chair in corner*

Kylie ... said...

I'd hate to be holding my breath waiting for your next post!

You do it to ensure your comment count hits triple digits, don't you?

Chuck said...

I love how your comment pages take on a life of their own. It's like your post is a seed that makes the comment tree grow.

That was a lame fucking analogy.

Maybe if I made it a racist cnut of a tree?

Bad Bob said...

Gee, Thanks for the new moniker.

fingers said...

Kylie: Oh, you wanna be my friend again now ?? You are on triple-secret-probation.

MS: Mate, you've always been history to me.

Fifi: Like a cigarette ??

Kylie: No, I seriously out of ideas. I got nothing. I might do a meme.

Chuck: I build the field and they come. I think they just like arguing and being abused.

BB: There's just no pleasing you, is there...

Ms Smack said...

So, what's next?

Some story about the Brain? Your neighbours in Sydney? Your observations about blogging community since you started?

Wack-jobs? Current affairs in the news? Financial advice?

Do tell. All of your fans are waiting, dearest.

x

Kylie said...

Dick pics?

Kylie ... said...

It would be tremendously helpful if you differentiated between Kylie and myself in your replies.

Just sayin'.

Memphis Steve said...

I've been history for a long time, like a ghost only without the cold chills.

Leave it to Kylie to ask you for dick pics. She could get those easily enough herself next time she goes boating with you.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers...Oh my, a story dying to be told for 25 years!

Holy fuck!

I hasta know.

Come sweeetie...babe, spill it. I so want to know. Hum, what could it possibly be? Dang.

Come on fingers...give it to me. I want it.

hehehe. Um...why of course I meant the story. :D

Ciao honey. Have a wonderful weekend.

Bad Bob said...

Not today anyway. I just can't see myself painting on the side of my plane. I'm unsure of what the nose art would look like anyway.

Ms Smack said...

*crickets*

*tumbleweed*

the projectivist said...

there you go - i've just made this a nice, neat 145 comments for you!
that's not too shabby, Mr Fingers.

Les Miserable said...

This is a blog isn't it mate.

fingers said...

Kylie: Yes, dick pics. I'll start with a pic of you, you dick.

Kylie: Do I seem like I a tremendously helpful sort of person ??

MS: I'm just thrilled you've found the time to haunt my humble house.

Spiker: Yeah, I think it's time I gave this story to the world. It's probably the thing for which I've become most well known over the years, apart from being a cunt.

BB: You could paint nostrils on it, I suppose.

Smack: And you could run a small city off the dynamic output of your blog, eh ???

Proj: On a post content to comment ratio this has been a triumph but perhaps I'm getting too leveraged.

Lombay: Yes, yes...point taken. Perhaps I could do a 'meme' ?? Is there a finer form of self-expression than the questionaire...

Steph said...

Wow, what a grumpy cunt you are. Just because your blogspiration dried up like a pair of Sister Maria's crusty knickers,there's no need to take it out on US!!

Have a holiday ya knob! Take a break and quit the Wahh Wahhhing!

Kylie ... said...

No! You seem like a tremendously unhelpful pain in the arse most of the time.

A girl can but hope...

fingers said...

Steph: When the going gets tough, the tough get wahh wahhhing, baby.

Kylie: Hope is cheap. Knock yourself out...

That's 150 up for a new TWG record...