Sunday, December 28, 2008

dummer and dummer...

At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old cunt…has anyone seen the list of subjects that made up the 2008 HSC curriculum this year ??
For overseas readers, ‘HSC’ (Higher School Certificate) is the leaving examination for all school students in New South Wales, scores in which go a long way to determining placements in universities and technical colleges.

Let’s start with some of the sillier languages now studied…and the students allowed to ‘study’ these ‘languages’…
Would it surprise anyone to learn that Emineh Shahmoradian topped the state in Armenian, Anke Vermuelen in Dutch, Jaksanwal Kathpal in Hindi, Milan Mitrevski in Macedonian, Saeed Arjomand Bigdeli in Persian, Chrisanthi Karunainathan in Tamil or Thomas Erik Holstrom in Swedish ??
Hmmm…unfair advantage much…
But wait, there’s more…because not only do these presumably native-speakers get a free swing at 2/3 units of education, they’re undoubtedly also eligible to sit for the prestigious ‘English As A Second Language’ course, which is the educational equivalent of the Paralympics or women’s golf.
OK, I don’t want to be accused of bashing foreigners, which most certainly isn’t the intent here…so let’s move onto the meatier courses.
It’s just a shame there isn’t ‘Sort-Of-Maths As An Alternate Means Of Counting To Combat Inherited Stupidity’ or ‘Science For Anyone Whose Religious Beliefs Mean They Prefer Fairy Tales To Difficult Theories and Equations’.
As a taxpayer I’m thrilled to be allowed to subsidize the continued study of Cosmology, Dance, Food Technology, Design and Textiles…to which I’d like added Astrology, Karaoke, Sun-baking, Cigarette-Rolling and Shopping.
There were apparently stiff examinations in Tourism, Personal Development, Hospitality and most importantly Entertainment Industry, all of which were hopefully held in rooms down at ‘Centrelink’ to provide the students/future long-term unemployed with an authentic application-completing experience.
Strangely, important subjects such as Celebrity Trivia, Boganism, Facebook Protocol and SMS Acronyms went untaught this year…


Kitty said...



SORRY. I've been stinging to do that to you Smooper.

i studied Boganism in High School and enjoyed it so much that I immediately quit in year 10 and refused to go to Uni, as a bogan does. instead i chose to root around, do bar work and hang at the beach till I turned 21, at which time i went overseas to become a born again professional tourist.

i am now a complete bogan princess living in the outer reaches of the pricktorian sprawl. those Bogan classes are coming in very handy, you shouldn't knock it!

the end.

xl said...

"Celebrity Trivia ... went untaught this year"

No need, gives that saturation coverage every day.

Happy New Year, mate.

fingers said...

Kitty: Gosh, if only you'd returned from that overseas holiday, fully funded through the sale of your ass around LA, to re-meet your childhood sweetheart, the apprentice sign-writer from Avalon, marry him and move into that weatherboard cottage in Narrabeen...then your boagn dream would be truly complete.

xl: Yes, it would serve well as the textbook for that course...

Anonymous said...

‘English As A Second Language’

Dearest Fingers...Sadly, most Americans can't get it right as their primary language.
Along those lines, I'd like to learn Proper British English American English is quite embarrassing.
Happy Almost New Year! :)

fifi said...

ha ha. Boganism, it'd certainly catch on.

I think they should ban all native speakers from language courses to give us poor aussies a better go. I'm sure I would have done far better at reading and analysing Sartre in HSC french had there been no pesky real french people to push me down the ranking. Buggers.
I would have done Armenian actually, except for the competition, so there, it's such an unfair bloody world.

electro-kevin said...

Social Marxism coming to a place near you !

It's all about erradicating elitism and promoting 'disadvantaged' people. Laudible aims in themselves but what you eventually end up with is government full of otherwise-unemployables getting over-promoted, empire building and intruding if every aspect of life - worst of all they are jealous of people who can do real things... so they do their damndest to stop them through red tape and political correctness.

Get your shiny shoes on ... and dance !

"There may be trouble ahead ...

De Campo BC said...

While I already knew that you’re no fan of humanity, I thought that you would at least appreciate the studying of Humanities.

I’m the product of a US Dept. of Defense fully funded study in metaphysics, feminism, and theatre.

Memphis Steve said...

I think I might do quite well in Boganism and Facebook Etiquette if given the chance.

phishez said...

We had 3 levels of maths when I did year 12. They were A, B & C. I never got the letters in maths thing. Its maths with letters!

Anyhoo, Maths A was the hardest, it was all letters and symbols. Maths B was the mid level one. It had real numbers as well as letters. Then there was Maths C, which was the 'easy maths'. All letters and could be done a fucking abacus.

La Femme said...

What happened to Latin and Shakespeare?

You should start a one man crusade. Don't forget to shine your shoes.

EmmaK said...

I'm not sure what you're complaining about. Levels of retardation are sky high here. In a survey only 13% of Americans tested could point Iraq out on a map of the world. Most of those were in the military.

Also, only 89% of Americans could find their own country on a map. Hmm. Wonder if they can find their own genitals or do they need a satellite navigation device for that too ??

cat said...

I would be thrilled will proper English.

I'm so sick of the (TMI) Bullshit.

I met 2 girls in the Mall over christmas and they were like........OMG, like are you G2TP tonite, IWBSMF like really, ISCW how about U. L,OMG!


Like Really OMG!

Fanny F said...

No, you don't sound like a grumpy old cunt.

In the state I grew up in, high school only went up year 10. Only "dorks" who wanted to go to Uni did the HSC, and they had to go to a special college for that.

So I skipped the HSC completely, thank goodness. Got straight into Uni when I was 21 and still blitzed them in Stats.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers sweetie...babe, What hey! Are you serious. Um...does sign language count as a real language...If yes, then I know 3 languages. My Senior Enlish teacher didn't appreciate me using sign language in his class. Evidently I was too loud when communicating with Amy four seats away.'s a fabulous way to cheat...let me tell you. Woo.

Hey and there's nothing wrong with dance's a wonderful class. And it was much better when a pole was added to the dance floor. hehehe And Karaoke...that's where I did my Anne Wilson. :D

fingers sweets, if they add Guitar Hero to kid has a fab chance to go to Yale or Harvard.

And if there wasn't food would I know how to bake that big birthday cake for you this coming year...along with those yummy brownies.

Hey when I'm there this coming year...can I fly your kite if we have time?

Ciao honey...have a fab Tuesday.

fingers said...

SC: I did 3-Unit English back when it was a fairly serious subject, including all the tricky stuff like spelling, grammar, comprehension and pedantry. Apparently this makes me an elitist; the ability to construct a sentence, use the correct tense for a WHOLE paragraph, make use of more than just commas and full-stops. I assume it's why I'm still single.

FiFi: My problem with native-speakers 'studying' their native language is that I'm not sure they're actually learning much. How about banning Armenians from 'studying' fucking Armenian and giving them an extra period of English instead, so they can sit the English exam instead of the ESL exam ?? Yes, I know...I'm a fascist. Shit, eh ??

E-K: Yes, why invest all that time and money getting people to jump over the bar, when you can simply lower the bar ??

deC: I'm a huge fan of the humanities; I'd just appreciate it more if these cunts would study them on their own time and learn to read, write and count first. Wanna learn to act; go to acting classes...AFTER YOU'VE LEARNED TO READ.

MS: You must have gone close to topping the country at Rednecking over there, Cracker.

Phish: There is no Maths A, B or C. There's simply maths. What's the point of scoring 94% in Maths-C, when you still can't do long-division ?? May as well get 23% in Maths-A and simply answer the questions you're capable of answering. The scores for Maths-C only get adjusted down anyway. Students might feel better but they're still dumb cunts.

laF: I sat next to Shakespeare in 3-Unit English; he was as dull back then as is he now. Boring cunt, always banging on about light/dark, good/evil, love/hate. We hated the little faggot.

Emmak: Precisely my point; THEY OFFER PERSIAN HERE AS A LANGUAGE. Persia hasn't even existed for 2 million years. It's Iraq now. Or Iran. Or something. Ask deCampo, he'll know.

Cat: 'I would be thrilled will proper English.'
We all would, baby; keep at it. No one said it was easy. Like really, OMG...:)

Fanny: Yes but you have exceedingly splendid norks, so 10 years of school is plenty.

Spiker: Yes, let's fly a kite together. And later I'll teach you some cool words in Latin...

Anonymous said...

I have a Higher HND in pickling also a writing qualification... I can write. We did letters and everything!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...oh, I love Latin. I understand a little Latin, not much, but I would love to hear more...complaceo.

Yay! We get to fly a kite too. hehehe. Can we drink wine on the beach too...after two and a half glasses. You'll might have to carry me home.

I'll start packing my luggage in between my baking. Woo.

Ciao sweetie...have a fabulous evening and morning.

I have to use my Alpha dog voice in a meeting...starting in 5 minutes. :D

Anonymous said...

"Apparently this makes me an elitist...I assume it's why I'm still single."

Fingers Love...I admit it. Your conjugation turns me on...and you never have a dangling participle. Be still my beating're sexy AND literate!

De Campo BC said...

Iran is the artist formally known as Persia. Iranians aren’t considered Arabs but rather Persians. Furthermore, they speak Farsi not Persian, or Arabic. I’ve never met anyone who spoke Persian but I equate it to being able to speak Sanskrit or some other dead language that will ensure you stay as single as Fingers.

Now Latin! That’s a dead language that isn’t taught nearly enough!


lilith said...

Well, Fingers, our lot over here have decided in their wisdom not to set an Ancient Greek A level any more. I expect Latin will be the next to go..

An A level in Ancient Greek shows you know history, political theory, can decode a totally different script from your first language, and that you have a sense of humour. Qualities not required of our youth any more.

Clyde said...

I see that they have an imported expert to educate the Sydneyites in the latest international degree-
An Heiress in Gash Flashing
And your expert has only been paid 100k to display this high society boganism
Ah, advances in education
A great investment in our future

cat said...


I'm so full of shit, have you noticed?

"I "would" so love it"

But, I can always "will" for it.

Like, OMG she is like "SFR". Translate: "so fucking retarded"!

I'm telling you it is all those damm pain pills they have me on. They make me like a 3rd grader.

fingers said...

Mutley: Well, once you've mastered letters, you need to challenge yourself and try whole words.

Spiker: You planning to convene the meeting on all fours, Rover ??

SC: Awseome, I'm a hit with married chicks.

deC: Sanskrit just looks like rows of barbed wire to me. Latin on the other hand is terribly useful for doing crosswords.

Lilith: Well, as much as I'd like to see the youth of today suffer as I did, there's probably some sense in letting Ancient Greek (and Latin) go as a core subject. They're useful in terms of understanding the construction of Romaji languages in general, but unless you're thinking of becoming a Knight Templar, there's not much call for either these days.

Clyde: It reminds me of the South Park episode where she opens her 'Stupid Spoiled Whore University'.

Cat: On the pill-label does it say, 'Side effects may include poor grammar'...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Fingers....hehehehe. ha...on all fours. :D favorite position. It sounds so very nice but please not with them.

(Wags tail) but I do like all fours...usually though, when I've had 2-1/2 glasses of wine. Cheers. :D

Go to the wine cellar and grab a bottle of Australian Shiraz. Woof...woof.

Ciao baby...hehehe. Have a wonderful New Years Eve evening...and day. I'm sending you a big...big KISS at midnight. :)

the projectivist said...

wow, Cat is shockingly good at the txt-speak.

i expect that by the time my children reach high school Textspeak will be part of the curriculum, replacing something boring like - chemistry or biology.

Memphis Steve said...

I did take quite a bit of Redneck Studies back in school. I never knew we were quite so complicated and had such a diverse history. The language part was particularly difficult. Apparently I grew up learning 'faux' Redneck English.

rage said...

I'd be interested in signing up for a bingo course, or a Programming for Dummies if there was tax dollars going towards it.

Happy New Year Fingers!

fifi said...

happy noo year, ya cranky bugger,

from me the stinky old fish git.

Bad Bob said...

Shouldn't it be dumber and dumber?
I guess you went through school before dictionaries and spell checkers?

Anonymous said...

Happy New Year to you, Fingers.

Bad Bob said...

Happy New Year Mate!

Anonymous said...


I was unwell in an asylum, but I'm back with a vengeance......... me love your blog long time!

fingers said...

Spiker: I want you to have a chat with my Bengals. I caught one of them trying to hump his twin brother the other day. I won't tolerate incest in my house.

TP: Actually, chemistry lends itself perfectly to SMS text-speak.

MS: Have you seen the US version of our cringeworthy TV comedy 'Kath and Kim' ??

Rage: I expect BBQ-ing will be a subject soon.

FiFi: And a preposterous New Year to you too.

BB: Why yes, I think you're right. I failed irony at school.

SC: Peace on you too, SC.

TG: Fuck, you hommers are high maintenance; and FYI we don't take kindly to asylum-seekers down here...

Josh said...

You took a risk and yes, you sound like a grumpy old cunt.

By your logic, if a native Armenian speaker should not study Armenian then none of us native English speakers should qualify for sitting an English exam.

Where is your sense of competition?

Oh and happy 2009. Cunt.

Anonymous said...

Nothing on 'Baby-Step Cooking for Blue Soup Specialists?' or 'How to Lose a guy in one day?' Tks! Tsk!

Bonne Année Fingers!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers...Oooo, I'm good with kitties.

Anything for you baby.

Um, I'll be purring your way soon. :D

I'll pack a that 50s bikini and a tooth brush.

Ciao honey.

cat said...


You haven't read my Profile on my blog, have you?

I don't do spell check, nor do I care much about GRAMMER, I'm sure at your age, you can make out what I'm saying......Right? ;)

phishez said...

Who needs to do long division? That's what calculators are for!

Jayne said...

We recently had a major competition for the art of packing dates, plus the annual camel beauty pageant, so naturally, I was thinking: where the fuck are they taught these things?? There surely must be a specific art in judging just how beautiful a camel can be. I wonder which school is offering classes? I can just see the ads for tempting new pupils - 'We offer a comprehensive list of subjects to university level, including Mathmatics, History, Infidel English, Camel Judging & Date Packing'

Anonymous said...

Ya know Fingers, I wasn't able to sleep last night. I was thinking about your post. There is a frightening new trend occuring here in the U.S. In Idaho, some lower paying jobs (such as nurse assistant) have required (up until the beginning of this year) an 80% passing grade to be certified. Because the wage is so low, people tend to skip assisting and go right to nursing. But assistants are still badly needed. So instead of raising the pay scale, they are lowering the passing grade to 65%. So, with guessing and getting 65 out of 100 questions right, Joe Public Dumb Ass will be taking care of us in the hospital. It pisses me off.

Memphis Steve said...

Kath and Kim is stolen from an Australian show? I didn't know that. I have seen it once or twice. Believe it or not, they actually found a time slot for that show in which it is not the worst thing on and thus gets a fair audience.

EmmaK said...

what's with the delay? Please write post haste about what person/animal/mineral you conjugated with on new years eve and what kind of a nasty rash you woke up with. The worst rash is probably if your face was full of razor burn and your realize that Joanna was actually Joe.

Anonymous said...

Screw it! I'm not thinking about your post anymore. The next time I can't sleep I'll just masterbate. Yah...that's what I'll do. :)


LOL I read that as drummer and drummer. I guess I have music on my mind.

Memphis Steve said...

Sweet Cheeks has my full and undivided attention with that last comment.

electro-kevin said...

You must either be busy making huge amounts of Wonga ...

... or busy making Bonga Bonga with your newest conquest.

Which is it, Boat Boy ???

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers sweetie...babe...where are you honey?

I'm with Memphis Steve...sweet cheeks has my attention.

Come on fingers...if she keeps this up...she'll go blind. Well, it hasn't been disproved.

Oh to hell with it...I'm going to masterbate too. And if I go'll be your fault.

Hum, hey, if that happens, I can park in front of Wall-Mart the disabled parking. :D

Ciao baby...have a nice wednesday. :D

Memphis Steve said...

If I were to take a wild guess, I'd bet he's out helping Steph with something. I think that girl has managed to find a soft spot in his heart. She's sneaky like that. :)

Either that or the month long Aussie Christmas has left everyone with a ton of work to catch up on.

fingers said...

Sorry guys; I've been a bit slack of late. No particular reason apart from sheer laziness.

Josh: Native speakers don't actually learn to speak English in English classes after the age of 7.
Perhaps if they taught Armenian Literature in Armenian classes it might sit better with me. Then again, I'm not sure any Armenian has ever written a book.

BJD: Salami, and welcome to TWG. What on earth is blue soup ??

Spiker: My belly-button is going in and out in anticipation.

Cat: I've never read your profile. I just like looking at your picture.

Phish: Did you know that long before computers were invented, the only job a chick could get at NASA was manually crunching numbers on star-mapping projects ??

Jayne: That makes perfect sense to me though. Even those filthy Arabs must appreciate the difference between a good-looking camel and an ugly one.

SC: Well baby, the problem with a social system/economy that rewards dumb-fuck sportsmen, dumb-fuck entertainers and dumb-fuck celebrities, while paying pittances to workers in essential services, is that eventually the idiots realise it's better to shoot hoops/sing poorly/sell home-videos on the net than save lives.

MS: K&K makes me shiver with cold sweat.

Emmak: Just pure, unadulterated laziness I'm afraid. NYE was an SFZ for this LBD.

SC: Masturbation probably pays better than nursing too.

Uber: Drummer and Drummer...brilliant. What a good gag that would have been. (Someone get the net).

E-K: I wish you came with sub-titles, Mbogo.

Spiker: It's a good thing masturbation doesn't make you go deaf. That would be awkward.

MS: Yes, Steph has certainly grown on me over the years. I think I might get her cut off soon...

electro-kevin said...

A pressie for ya, Fingers !


Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers sweetie...Huh? What did you say? :D

Ha...have a fab Friday and weekend baby...Ciao.

Anonymous said...

I actually missed a post from December? bad, bad me...

Anonymous said...

Let's meet later on the Scrabble board.

unique_stephen said...

Favor to ask mate:

Whilst Spikey is on all fours showing how good she is with her kitty and your helping he out on the tricky minora aspects of her Latin... would you mind awfully videoing it? Might be a good way to practice getting my tongue around the Vulgar Latin. Just take care not to point with your mentula. Not sure I'd survive that.

Emineh said...

I'm Emineh.
Pretty sure you are all so fucking uneducated.
Yeah, I came first in Armenian in the state of NSW... and no I did not study English As a Second Language.
I studied English Advanced, and received a band 5 for it.
So next time you decide to make a stupid blog like this, pleaseee get the right information. I feel embarassed for you.

Emineh said...

Oh yeah, take my name off your blog.