Tuesday, February 09, 2010

if the C-word offends you...you're probably a cunt...

It recently occurred to me that these days the word ‘CUNT’ has lost much of its impact !!! There was a time when it was the King of Insults; chicks would fly into a rage at its mere utterance irrespective of whether it was used specifically in reference to them or not. Dropping the C-Bomb was a potential date-ender, a friendship-destroyer and a marriage-killer…it was once the most fearsome anti-chick weapon in the entire arsenal of verbal mass-destruction. For example…
‘You’re a pathetic fuck-head with a fat gut, bald head and a pencil dick !!!’
‘Oh yeah…well you’re a cunt.’

Game over.
‘Why do you have to be such a selfish asshole all the time ???’
‘Why are you such a cunt ???’

Tears.
‘Why can’t you be more of a man…like my father ???’
‘Why do you have to be a cunt all the time…like your mother.’

The end.
It was the equivalent of using a tactical nuke in a minor border-conflict, it had instant, devastating effect (and consequences); you knew you’d crossed the line just from the horrified look on the chick’s face.
I remember once calling my ex-wife a cunt in Tokyo; she was a bit PMS’d-up, yelling all sorts of vile things at me, throwing stuff around the apartment and threatening to call her Dad and tell him what I’d said.
‘Go ahead and call him, you cunt.’
She did…and she told him what I said…then she threw the phone at my head and said he wanted a word with me.
‘Fingers, why did you call my daughter a cunt ???’
‘Well Roger, it’s like this…yada yada yada…blah blah blah…this this this…that that that…it was either the C-word or a good hard slap across the face.’
‘I see. OK, put that little cunt back on the phone then…’


About thirty years ago, the first time I ever called my dear old Mum a cunt, she grabbed a wooden spoon, chased me round the house for twenty minutes before cornering me, whacking me over the head and throwing me out into the street for the night. Two weeks ago, after I told her I’d been fined for calling a cop something offensive she laughed and said, ‘You silly cunt.’

My oldest, dearest, most favourite blogger in the whole world, Kitty the sewer-mouthed whore-bag, probably out-scores me two-to-one in the CPP (cunts per post) stakes these days. Not to mention some of the delightful banter we’ve had privately on Facebook.
‘Cunty McFingers…you are the cuntiest cunting cunty cunt cunt in the whole world…in fact you are a Mastercunt.’

There was once a time when I knew that if I needed to speak to a senior person at the Commonwealth Bank, all I had to do was call the poor chick manning the phone-tree ‘a useless cunt’ and she’d be forced to refer the abuse to her superior. Now I get Christmas cards from them addressed to; ‘Fingers @ Unit 1, XX Cunt Point Rd, Cunt Point, 2027’…

29 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

I consider myself the King of Cunts.

It's not a self-anointed title, either, unfortunately.

Ute said...

Sorry, still laughing out loud here with thoughts of your dear ol' mum chasing you 'round with a wooden spoon!!

I guess it's like the word 'fuck'. For ages it was rather taboo to say it. Now, it's in the dictionary, and it's acceptable, in certain circles.

I always think that no one can say a swear word better than the upper crust British. Hugh Grant says Fuck ever so posh.

powdergirl said...

Its still got major impact in Canada.

Chins quiver, eye's well with tears, jaws hang agape, hands flutter uselessly.

And thats just the construction workers.



I use it in situations were I'm not allowed to beat the shit out of people, but still want them to stop talking immediately.

You'd be surprised by the frequency with which those situations arise.

This was a very interesting post, I thought Australia had always been a cunt-friendly nation. Who knew.

Kitty said...

"My oldest, dearest, most favourite blogger in the whole world, Kitty the sewer-mouthed whore-bag, probably out-scores me two-to-one in the CPP (cunts per post) stakes these days."

oh please. you sound like a total cunt-licker smoopie.

Jayne said...

I am ashamed to admit that since I moved back to my home cuntry, I have used the word twice in less than 6mths.
I blame you entirely of course.

Jen said...

I have no problem with cunt, never have. My girlfriend will NOT let me say clit. Under any circumstances. To her that's as bad as it gets.

El-Kevo said...

I lost a job for calling my boss a cunt. Threatening to hit him didn't go down well on the disciplinary either.

Best job I ever had too.


"E-K ... you're a cunt, your mum's a cunt, your dad's a cunt ... and if ever you entered a competition to find the world's biggest cunt you'd come second."

"Why second ?"

"'cause you're a cunt !"

xl said...

Still has H-bomb value here. But calling a guy that is more of a curiosity.

EmmaK said...

I believe Australia is now the last bastion of cunt usage. Cunt is now an endangered species and will be given a special breeding ground for little cunts at Cunt Point. You will be in charge of artificially inseminating the cunts.

News today reached us that one of the last breeding grounds for people who want to say cunt - Britain - is now no more. Now stand up comedians in the UK are no longer allowed to say cunt so its up to you now you cunt.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2005/aug/03/theatre.britishidentity

Spiky Zora Jones said...

fingers baby...um, I can't believe it. You used the 'cunt' word almost as many times as the word 'fuck' was used in the movie Scar Face. But who's counting?

Moi and my now g/f were getting dolled up to wine and dine with friends ata swanky restaurant. I can't help it if she is having bad hair day...I'm in the second bathroom and she walks by in panties and take her frustraions out on me. There was no need to raise her voice at me.

Me: "I'm not going out with you if you're going to be a cunt all evening."

*crickets*

Oh my...did I say that out loud? Yes I did...thank god I have a quick reflex.

I ducked as a heavy wooden brush sailed over my head.

She stomps back to our bedroom and slams the door.

*knock knock*

her: WHAT do you want you CUNT?

me: Um, honey...you dropped your brush. I'll leave it here on the carpet by the door.

me: walks to bar in bra and panty...pours a shot of Jack aka (liquid courage) then with a cavalier twist of the wrist...oh, it burns so good.

later sweets. personally I don't give a fuck about the 'cunt' word. use it, don't use it...just don't throw brushes.

later hon.
PS...I never surrendered to profanity at home...mother would have had a fit and heavy wooden brushes were plentuful in a house with 8 sisters.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

yes...it was a true story.

Indigo said...

This post has made me realise that you ae funny...and a cunt!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... I know fo many cunts.. unfortunately for them they haven't actually realised that they are CUNTS!! I think the word cunt has replaced the word bollox..

Memphis Steve said...

From Emma's link:

"Jacobson maintains, though, that this is Britain's loss, since comedy is, at its best, transgressive. "They say you are what you eat," said Manning once. "I'm a cunt." A joke which, Jacobson rightly reckons, is partly to do with the fact that it's good to hear someone say "cunt" in a public place, to transgress, to wallow in our beastliness. But you can't say "cunt" or "nigger" on the comedy stage so, if Jacobson's perspective is right, comedy will be deprived of material and we will be robbed of opportunities to laugh."

fingers said...

MS: Shall I get you some lemon juice to pour over yourself after the self-flagellation ceases.

Ute: I still think using 'cunt' as a verb is a bit of a grammatical stretch.

PG: Yes, Canada...a country so prudish even their female impersonators are chicks.

Kitty: Hi Pooks. have you been reading Shakespeare again ??

Jiney: And you call yourself a bikie...tsk tsk tsk.

Jen: That's my whole point; no one seems to have a problem with it.

E-K: How dare you come onto my splendid blog and say 'cunt' six times. You cunt.

xl: Seems a long way to go just to get a reaction though.

Emmak: Congratulations on just breaking E-K's record, Madam Tourette.

Spiker: OMG, are you serious ?? That's a true story ?? You called your chick a cunt and she threw a brush at you...then you had a drink ?? Hang on while I try and get the Ripley's producers on the phone.

Indigo: I'm sorry I wasted so much time trying to write quality comedy when all I had to do was say 'cunt' fifty times to make you a fan then.

MS: So are we expecting to see comedians arrested on stage again the way they used to march Lenny Bruce out of the theatre each week ?? Splendid use of police resources that...

Patricia Sexton said...

Well, I enjoyed that. See ya next Tuesday. Or some Tuesday when we're in the region anyway.

unique_stephen said...

Dad was talking about the country...
I asked him "what kind of tree??

Got me a smack on the head..

Spiky Zora Jones said...

you cunt...I share my heart with you and you make fun of it.

damn, that makes me want to write bad poetry...cause it's the only poetry I know how to write.

Lucky you...I know just how much you love really bad poetry.

Wait...wait.

I'm just now thinking of all the adjectives I can use to compare your cuntiness.

OMG...lots, but I'll post it on Tuesday (drive-by) Poetry Twat-dom.

see there you are with a big proud smile...because you inspire peeps to do their best work. You're just like Calliope, but with a shorter skirt...sweet.

ciao babes. xx

ps...don't bother Ripley producers...it's been made into a television series. The L word.

suze2000 said...

I only use it while driving. *shrug* It's still offensive in this part of Aus. But then, despite having taught my Grandma to say "fuck" when necessary, I still don't say fuck very often either.

I'll have to remember that one about using it to shut people up though. Could be useful, assuming they are not young, male and drunk. Could be ugly.

Memphis Steve said...

Well what do you expect? Our police are now being instructed to act as pimps for prostitutes because, you know, the hookers are 'victims' and thus need government protection and assistance, but all without making it legal. Meanwhile, our Congress meets to interrogate and prosecute retired athletes about steroids. Then they take a break to go into the back and snort some quality cocaine. Then back again to continue ranting and raving about how evil our greatest athletes are for juicing their muscles. And when they're not doing this, they're telling us we can't use lightbulbs that don't contain obscene amounts of mercury, flush our toilets, smoke cigarettes, drive our children to school without tying them up hand and foot in officially approve plastic restraint devices, look at women with small breasts, shout too loudly at our wives, fart, or even simply exhale, lest the world should come to an end without their great wisdom and guidance.

It's a universal truth - governments are all cunts.

emma said...

Firstly, where can I get one of those bears? Just in time for Valentine's Day...

I completely agree about the word cunt losing it's impact. However I have been known to say it while thinking this and have someone turn pale.

Cunts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTV1xtcUD0o

Christie said...

lmao

kittykillkill said...

Personally, I prefer to be called a cunt during sex. Just sayin.'

Bad Bob said...

My ex-wife felt that being called a miserable bitch felt that was a badge and actually enjoyed it. One time in exasperation, I called her a cunt and I finally achieved the desired effect. I used it two more times when needed, the last time after she called me the lowest form of scum. "well you're nothing but a CUNT!!!" When she exploded I started laughing and said "I win!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I effectively ended the conversation and the marriage. I was relieved it was finally over.
Here is my acronym for it:
C.U.N.T. Can't Understand Normal Thinking.

Madam Z said...

Until I entered the blog-world, I had never heard of calling someone a cunt. It sounded odd to me. But then I thought, well...I call my husband a prick, so I guess he can call me a cunt. But it still seems odd for someone to call a MAN a cunt! I wouldn't call a woman a prick! Does it have something to do with sexism? Is it more insulting to a man to be labeled as a part of a female (cunt) than a part of a male (prick)?

Clyde said...

Fingers, I couldn't work out why you used the word so many times.
You called me a cunt on a few occasions and I thought it was meant to be offensive.
I really didn't know a lot about Sydney but then I worked it out.
You live off Cunt Point Road at Cunt Point.
Now subtitute any point roads and any points around Sydney and see what you are substituting cunt for --and there it is.
For those who cant check out Sydney Streets and Suburbs---
There is a Darling Point Road at Darling Point
And you called me cunt
You gay old cunt

phishez said...

Jeez, with all the fucks, and cunts, in this comments section, I'm getting slightly turned on. What can I say...

Dirty talk is a turn on.

xl said...

damn hell fuckety-fuck cunt son-of-a-bitch motherfucker cock etc.

Oh Hai Phishez!

sharemynonsense said...

cunt sounds so much better in english than it does in swedish...and the swedish word doesn't offend anyone anymore either. By the way, you're like, really really funny! Even by swedish standards!

fingers said...

SMN: Welcome to TWG, hot Swedish chick. What is the Swedish word for cunt ?? And for the record, what is the funniest Swedish joke in the world...