Sunday, October 08, 2006

don't attack your heart and it won't attack you...


Well I’m back…and I’m not happy about it.
Ten days lying on the sand at Sunshine Beach, soaking up the beneficial UV radiation (sans block-out), re-acquainting myself with the art of riding a long board and taking long peeks at the topless chicks from behind my sunglasses has steeled my resolve to become retired as soon as possible.
I will never, ever, ever understand those people who say ‘Oh no…I could never give up working; I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.’ Me…I could give up tomorrow and trade it all for a shack on the beach. Well, maybe not a shack in the strict sense of the word…but certainly for an architect-designed dream-house perched on the headland, 180-degree ocean views, satellite TV with a 300cm projector-screen, infinity pool, ducted air-conditioning and a dune-buggy in the garage.
Like the one I’ve reluctantly just left to come back here and resume my fulfilling career for…
Anyway…mustn’t complain; I’m feeling marvellous for now, all tanned-up, blacker than some of my World Vision Spades and still at least two lousy work days away from wiping the holiday smile from my temporarily crease-ridden face.
AND…and…I’ve lost 4kgs as a result of the punishing exercise programme (a 90-minute walk on the beach every morning) initiated after catching a reflected glimpse of myself in a shop-window on the first day.
Which brings me to the point of this piece; in my entire life, or what has so far passed for it, I have NEVER felt the supposed high that some athletes claim they get from doing exercise.
NEVER !!!
Not once.
Not even close.
I sometimes get a craving for a cigarette during exercise but I never get the dopamine-rush that so many gym-junkies sometimes wank on about.
I walked briskly on the sand every morning, sometimes on hard sand, sometimes on soft sand…never less than 90 minutes, once for nearly 2 hours. I felt pain, cramp, nausea, headache and a weird burning sensation as my soft-tissue disintegrated under the workload BUT NOT ONCE did I experience anything even remotely resembling pleasure from the ordeal.
Sure, I slept like a baby each night and it’s great to lose a notch on my belt but it would be some stretch of the imagination to say that I enjoyed any of it.
And I have a pretty good imagination…

42 comments:

mushroom said...

I got this dope-o-mine at home that'll give ya a rush.....

Ms Smack said...

hehe mushie.

Welcome Back Fingers!! :)

fingers said...

Don't get too comfy, Smack.
I'm only back till I get the rest of my 'Sunshine Beach House Fund'.
I need $12 million.
Only $11 million to go...

WJ said...

and then you will be blogging at us just to make sure that we haven't forgotten how lucky you are.

welcome back

fingers said...

Hey Todd...my Noosa house-buddies had a pair of Cocker Spaniels that make your two oven mitts seem like hyperactive astrophysicists...

Mountjoy said...

Exercise? You know what that rush they are talking about is? It's the feeling of relief when it's finished and you stop. You obviously weren't going at it hard enough.

Try strapping a couple of 40-something milfs on before you go for a walk. With them hanging off you trying to leach every penny from your pockets, you would have moved twice as fast.

Jin said...

Welcome back fingers. I for one, don't mind admitting I've missed reading your blogs.............
As for the exercise thingy......I'm told there's a gym & a pool on the top floor of this apartment block, but I can't be arsed to go & look for meself, let alone actually use them. Pass the razor blades someone - I'm such a sad cow!

fingers said...

Mounty: One of the funniest things I saw was this big, fat guy who had walked about 3 kms with a howling southerly at his back. When he turned round into the wind for the return leg he managed to get about 500 metres back up the beach then collapsed in a heap. I had to get the lifeguards to go and pick him up in their truck, which was quite a strange rescue operation.

Jin: Thank you darling. It's nice to be missed; even by people I've never met. I can't believe some of the things people said about me behind my back...especially that slut Georgia. Loved some of those signs you posted; the one about being polite made me choke on my coffee. But that 'seal story' is the best thing I've seen this year. I've put so many people onto that one, so hope you've had some extra traffic over at JWAY...

Mountjoy said...

Shoulda painted him black and white, then called in Greenpeace...

Jin said...

The Seal Story is classic innit & yes, thanks fingers, I did get a few hits from your side :-)
Mountjoy missed you too, but he'd never admit it!

fingers said...

Actually, there were squillions of whales fucking around in the ocean all week. Just beyond the outside break, blowing their spouts and breeching from dawn till dusk.
Quite a sight.
My mate's wife is a Dolphin Basher and some days she just stood there watching the whales with this dreamy look on her little yellow face.
Of course she was probably dreaming of a mountain of wasabi and a swimming pool of soy-sauce to go with her kujira (whale) sashimi...

Ms Smack said...

ok i admit I missed your blogs and comments too.

I get that rush you're talking about with the gym. I dont know why. I get the same rush when I'm opening a bottle of red and rolling a spliff too. Fancy that.

world champ stephen neal said...

I had a heart attack once. My heart lost.

fingers said...

Is there anything sexier than watching a chick roll a ciggie/spliff...

Mountjoy said...

I got a list fingers, but it would just sound like me reading off your DVD shelf....

fingers said...

While you're reading stuff off my shelves, Mountjoy...grab the big book entitled 'DICTIONARY' and look up the word 'rhetoric'...

W said...

Welcome back fingers. You were missed.

Georgia said...

But you'll be a better shot next time...

fingers said...

Are you the funniest chick in Dubai, Slapshot...

Mountjoy said...

Hmmmm, now lets see:

Dickheads: How to be one.
Dicks: Small is better.
Dickwit: My days taunting Mex.
Dildos are a man's best friend.
Donnie Mountjoy: RFYP

Nope, seems you dont have a dictonary up there, pal.

actonb said...

Oh Bollocks.
This is what you get for trusting Bloglines.

Um. Hey fingers, welcome back etc etc.

world champ stephen neal said...

Grab on to my cabbages - we're going home!

Odly Amore said...

I get a rush of dopamine every now and then, has nothing to do with gym. Dopamine in large quantities are massively under-rated.

BEAST said...

Welcome back Fingers old chap , apparently , according to some old addict who produced close encounters , if you give up smoking and start running the high is better than crystal meth or free base , so what if you did all three ???????

BV said...

I would so join you in that shack.

Living by the beach is EVERYTHING it is cracked up to be. I can't imagine not living by the beach.

Ms Smack said...

I grew up by the beach and it is pretty spesh.

Is there a downside? Does your car go rusty quicker? Sea-salt permanently on the windows?

Mountjoy said...

I'm sure the sand in the vaseline is a bother.

Georgia said...

I get bored at the beach. Does that make me weird?

Mex said...

I get bored during facials and sex. Does that make me weird?

although it could be interesting if executed at the same time...

Georgia said...

And by facials do you mean the salon treatment for a glowing complexion or do you mean...

welcome to wallyworld said...

Fingers, ca va? Wanna see my vids? www.mylifeasafrog.com You can watch them on YouTube but I hope to have some better quality up soon.

This week 300+ people from www.stumbleupon.com have come to http://www.welcometowallyworld.com/quirky-shit/2006/1/30/oh-what-wicked-webs-we-weave.html to look at that old post. You were in fine form.

I've got my latest little vids up here - www.mylifeasafrog.com and on YouTube. Just trying to get the much better quality original Quicktime movies up now on the site . But it's watchable. And each one is only three or four minutes.

You don't call. You stopped answering my emails. My mates tell me you're seeing another girl.

fingers said...

Hiya Mal !!!
Mate...we have some technical issues here which prevent me from playing YouTubes. It's a server/protocol issue; when I try to play the videos they just buffer for a few seconds then release, then rebuffer...
It drives me crazy so I just gave up on the thing.
I think I might sit the YouTube revolution out and get a yo-yo instead...

welcome to wallyworld said...

Hmmm....forget going to YouTube...see if you can watch the Quicktime movies. Depending on the speed of your 'Puter, they might take a little while to load. But they shouldn't take too long. They're only 3/4 minutes long and around 10Meg in size. The American I got to hold the camera and edit got all precious about what he saw as "his movie" so I had to get a couple of hard boys to go around and break his legs and explain to him that it was my concept/my site/my URL/my money and that I'd pointed out to him (on paper) before we started that I had control as Producer/Director/Writer. And he was working for a wage.

I'm really going off arrogant/bullshitting/loudmouth Americans - not the educated sane ones. Just the arseholes. Paris is full of them.

But apart from that...the thing is going quite well. Just need someone to Photoshop a better head on me and we're in business! And maybe do something about my faggy voice. Hmmmm....maybe I should stick to writing.

That Spiders on Acid thing I mentioned before has now had 500 hits this week.

"Don't look back - somebody might be catching up".

p.s. little Charlie called me a "connard" (connar) yesterday - "arsehole/dickhead". Got it from his Mother. Fabulous. Now all he needs to do is tack on "fucking connard" and he's set for life.

fingers said...

It's actually Quictime that causes all the problems here; it's incompatible with our server (???).
We are stuck with RealPlayer, which is cuntsville as we need QT to play our back-up tapes when things go wrong on a trade...

Ms Smack said...

Ive only ever had one sexual facial and it'll be the first and last one. I may consider if he agrees to have me spit his jizm on his face as well.

BV said...

I like Ms. Smack.

Ms Smack said...

Nice to meet you Ms Vigilante.

Fingers, when you gonna give us something new to read? Come on....... dont make me smack you.

Georgia said...

Did it get in your eye, Ms Smack? That bloody stings! I was furious!

fingers said...

Smack: Yeah, I'm on it...

Georgia: Have you tried wearing swimming goggles...

Mex said...

you could wrap your head in gladwrap and just poke a hole in it where necessary. that would prevent it from getting in your hair too. which is also rather unpleasant.

Ms Smack said...

Hmm Georgia, i dont remember if it stung my eyes, or even if it hit my eyes. I just remember I started laughing like a maniac, and then ran off sulking in the bathroom to clean myself. I sulked for a bitch for months after that too LOL.

I have never spat it in a mans face, nor have I passed it to a man via my mouth, but I am guilty of kissing him freshly after.....

katie schwartz said...

the ideal workout machine for me would be an elliptical with an ashtray attached!