Why is it that most ‘ploggers’* will quite happily fill out a fifty-question ‘MEME’ but take exception to doing the annual ‘Census’ ??
Why are they gagging for an opportunity to take complete strangers on a magical tour of the mansions of their mind but unwilling to answer a few simple, anonymous queries from the Australian Bureau of Statistics ??
Why will chicks happily admit to their readers that on their birthdays they’d prefer to be tied up with chocolate silly string and taken from behind by an underage neighbour wearing a Superman outfit, or that at work they close their eyes at the desk and fantasize about their female boss whilst masturbating with a lampshade on their head and a space-shuttle inserted in their snatch …but won’t tell the government their age to the nearest five years ??
Why do guys freely confess to carving notch-holes in microwave-warmed vegetables and using them for sex-aids while their wives are out shopping for tandem butt-plugs, or that they used to let the pet Labrador lick hamburger mince off their balls while they lip-synched to ‘Wham’ when they were teenagers…yet baulk at disclosing their salary to within fifty grand ??
Funny old world…
* a new portmanteau created for this post using the words ‘blogger’ and ‘plonker’…
97 comments:
LOL I loved it! So true too.
** …but won’t tell the government their age to the nearest five years ??
Cos women NEVER age. HA! ;-)
Masturbating with a lampshade on their head? LOL that sounds a bit geeky.
Keshi.
except I don't have a dog
Why do I get the feeling you just shared some of you’re personal fantasy’s with us, using the Australian Bureau of Statistics as the cover.
'Taken from behind by an underage neighbour wearing a superman outfit', Hmmmmm
Keshi: And you sound a bit geeky, so that means...
US: How long were you sitting there with mince on your balls before you realised that ??
BoBo: I have to do it that way since I don't do 'memes'. And stop using apostrophes to make pural's.
Kitty: What do you answer for the question 'How many voices do you hear inside your head tonight ??' I admit your extravagant 'meme' tipped me over the edge but I was also alluding to 'Madam Z' and 'E-K' who'd both done one recently. God you shit me. I want my lampshade back...
Fingers, your entries just don't lend themselves to easy comments, principled, anthropic, misanthropic, or otherwise. Ha ha.
Arcy: I'm here to teach, not learn...
OMG! I didn't think Mark still had that video of me and him in the superman cape.
I sure as hell didn't tell anybody about it.
Unless you mean someone else...
Dude. Can you enebale open ID comments so I can comment from my new account too?
Phish: I can barely add a graphic to one of my posts. Look at my blog. I don't even seem to have an archive...
Well, where the hell does your archived posts go?
You've written some beauties. It'd be a shame to lose them.
AND um, can you point me in the direction of the blogs who share this info? I'd love to read them.
Because a meme can be fun, and the government is simply 'creating' work to justify their jobs.
I didn't realise you were underage. You look much older when you're taking me from behind in your Superman outfit.
Smack: I think someone is stealing the archive stuff and using it to write a best-selling novel.
E-K: Ah yes, The Croydon Planetarium...more mysterious than Stonehenge.
Kelly: What dashboard ??
OH: And some people use 'memes' to justify their blogs.
Fanny: I think someone put Kryptonite in my Super Shorts...
This question is impenetrable...unlike your arse when being pummelled by the strap-on of the underage neighbor in the Superman outfit.
I can't do memes. But point me to an IQ or personality test and I can fill in little bubbles all day long.
Did you just get a job at the Census Bureau???
And I thought you were just pleased to see me.
Spiky: I thought that's what you DID for a living ?? You probably fantasize about typing and making coffee.
Emmak: You should see me in my new ultra-blue, neck-to-knee, UV boat-suit.
Trav: Gosh, how will we ever penetrate the veil of secrecy surrounding your life if you don't do 'memes' ??
SC: Yes, I'm counting idiots at the moment. I'll put you down as a double.
Fanny: I think you need a refresher course in Superman folklore...
Lol. Archives are a standard thing. You obviously changed it so that you can't have an archive. If you want an archive, just undo what you did.
Unless you don't remember grandpa...
Phish: Doh !!! Some silly cunt had switched off my archive function. I think it was that arch-bitch 'W' from 'Thursday's Child' ?? She used to have the keys to my blog, did a bit of blog-keeping for me, until one day she stole my sitemeter and I had to let her go...
that means I love lampshades? LOL!
Keshi.
Keshi: Not only that...
Phish: OK, I've been on a high ever since I found my archive. Fuck I'm a brilliant writer. I love some of my old stuff. Anyway, I've enabled 'Open ID', whatever the fuck that means...
So did your Labrador get over the mental trauma of you lip syncing to wham?
haha I was only trying to see how SMART u were...and damnnn u r too smart!
Keshi.
It's tough to be mysterious, eh Fingers?
You should see me in my new ultra-blue, neck-to-knee, UV boat-suit.
Not quite sure what you are banging on about. Are you just talking about those suits surfers wear? That could be a turn on if you have a taut body? Can you post some photos?
Rack: I hope so. He was one of those six month loaners from the seeing-eye school.
Keshi: Yes, it's a crushing burden being so clever.
Smack: I certainly did. And now I have to get some little weeny gush of 'fuck' remover to clean the mess up.
Trav: You're practically invisible.
Emmak: They call me the Blue Weiner...
Fingers then gimme some :)
btw, I just noticed u call me 'Perky Papadams' LOL too funny! Loved it.
I wanted to ask ya..r ya a white Aussie or Indian Aussie? Just for my records ;-)
Keshi.
Kesh, he looks quite fetching in his turban too. Baaaaaaahahahahahaha!!!
ra ya serious Stepher LOL!
Keshi.
OK, while I distract her, someone sneak up quietly with the net...
Keshi: Yes, I can see how my ethnicity might be confusing. Let me just say, that like The Mahatma, I am all things to all people. And I'm quite serious about my proposal, although I will not go higher than three pigs. I do not believe any woman is a four-pigger (except maybe Steph on a bender). However to sweeten the bargain, one of the pigs shall be my champion stud boar 'Apu', who recently won second prize at The Easter Show for curliest tail...
lol stop it Fingers. I want the truth..and NOW! :)
Keshi.
keshi: I'm whiter than the contents of an eskimo's handkerchief...
lol so, basically ur a ghost?
Keshi.
Keshi: Then you must be a silhouette...
ha? how come? :)
Keshi.
Last time I answered a census thing in SA I lied, cos disclosing my household net income is of no business to a flatnose boasting an IQ of his shoe size. Apart from that, grandma was earning quite a bit on the side by offering blowjobs without her dentures.
Not knowing your looks Fingers, makes you all the more mysterious, with or without a lampshade.
Keshi: Well, if I'm a ghost coz I'm white, you're a silhouette coz...
Jayne: I have no looks. Ask anyone who's seen them...
how many pigs would you offer to marry me? or have I got in too late, has Keshi already accepted the three pig offer?
Emmak: This is actually a reverse auction now. It's more a question of how few pigs you'll accept...
I'll take three pigs provided they can live in their own sty and not with us. But what else can you offer that is essential for any good marriage:
1. Do oral sex on a lady for an hour
2. Cook edible meals
3. give good massages
4. give up the rent boys
Emmak: You have to go less than that. The offer already stands at three pigs. And I won't accept half-pig increments. With respect to your ludicrous list of marital demands:
1) Happy to oblige as long as you don't get jealous about it.
2) Am a fabulous cook.
3) In your dreams.
4) I'll do it but your brother won't be happy...
All right you tight bastard I accept two pigs. Actually, that depends. What are your list of marital demands?
Emmak: Sold, for two pigs, to the pornographer in the 3rd row. My only marital demand is that you are not my first wife...
Emmak: Good. Gets me out of another dirty job...
duh I got that Fingers...but ghosts dun hv an outline rite? :)
btw I dun want any pigs...lets just start kissing.
LOL!
Keshi.
Keshi: Oh crap...I just wasted two perfectly good pigs on Emmak...
lol!
ok tell me..
Keshi.
Keshi: Well, one morning I woke up to find what appeared to be a very, very old man with a long grey beard sitting on the end of my bed. He was wearing flowing white robes and there was a halo of light around his head. He spoke to me in an ancient tongue that I couldn't understand...perhaps Latin or Aramaic ??
I said, 'What are you saying ?'
He said, 'STOP BEING A CUNT !!!'
I said, 'Are you God ??'
He said, 'No, but you still have to STOP BEING A CUNT'...
ROFL!
Fingers wut if I was sitting at the edge of ur bed instead of God ha?
Keshi.
Keshi: As long as you weren't blocking my view of the TV I'd be fine with it...
o cmon Im sure I can provide u with better 'entertainment'? LOL!
Keshi.
Fingers I need a pic of ya..lol Im serious. for a secret scheming business. ;-)
Keshi.
Keshi: God said the same thing...
Keshi: A secret scheming business ?? That seems like a reasonable request. Let me consult The 8-Ball...
wuts a 8-ball?
btw Im hooked..on ya ofcourse LOL!
Keshi.
I wanna know more abt ya hehehe..
who r ya?
where d u live?
r u availabe?
lolz wud ya ans em?
Keshi.
Keshi: Um...if you look at some back-posts in here, all those questions will be answered. Have a read and a good hard think about it. Personally, I think you have enough pain just now...:)
I love the census form. I cant wait til 2011 so I can complete another one :)
ok, will do :)
I like Pain..Im addicted to it so I dun mind more Pain LOL!
Keshi.
and I want u to take part in my today's post ;-)
Keshi.
If blogging is wanking to an audience then meme's must be the equivalent of swallowing your own jizz/girlcum on webcam for the viewing public.
HMC: My father actually stays home on Census night, just to make sure it's an accurate record of people present in the house. He takes governmental authority very seriously.
Keshi: You'd get on well with my father. He likes pain and answering questions too.
BT: Hi Phish. Back from the dead already ?? Your corpse is still warm. I'll put you back on the blogroll, baby.
Kylie: That's how I like my social theory taught...with edge and sex...you're so hot...
lol ur so mean :(
Keshi.
Never mind flirting with Keshi, have you forgotten we're married? I'm filing for divorce and I'm taking half of what's mine including your foreskin.
I been trawling your achives, yeah that's right, goin through your drawers.
You had a very DIFFERENT commenting "community" back then. What happened to them?
Keshi, you are dancing with the devil my friend. Good luck with that :p
P.S LoLLing hard at Kylie.
Stroke it!!
Like Phishy I am back from the dead too, WALLAH! SHISH SHEBANG SHINY DISCO BALL!
I know you get upset when I tell you that even though your posts are good (very good infact) I still believe your comment section is gold. I never laugh harder than I do reading your responses.
Gooooooo Fingers!
fingers, I see you are still blaming me for your lack of sitemeter - let it go old man. Now if I could only remeber where I saved your user photo, I could really screw you up...
Keshi: I know. And yet there are still people out there who believe that beneath the gruff exterior, there lies a soft centre. Plonkers.
Emmak: What the fuck are you going to do with a twoskin ??
Steph: They were the old RADAR crowd from SMH. I think they all paired up and forgot about me.
Kate: OMG, it's so great to have you back, baby. Who the fuck are you ?? I agree with you though, the comments section is often way better than the original post but if I did away with my posts, then TWG would just become an insult booth. Not a bad idea really.
TC: It was the perfect crime; no one ever suspected you...but I know differently. You were the only other person besides me with the keys to the blog and fuck knows I don't have the technical savvy to steal my own sitemeter...
Fingers! Tit's me! First I was Betty boob hug, then I was just Betty and then I was, for a bit, Mel and then I went through an amazing metamorphosis into something completely called sparsely Kate.
Get with the program Fingers, it is called "Re-identity Blogger 101"
All the cool cats are doin' it.
maybe I could make a sleeping bag for a homeless hamster out of it?
Kate: Wow, you could be your own celebrity couple: BetMel, BoobKat, KatMel, MelKat...the possiblilites are endless.
Emmak: Collect enough twoskins and you could make yourself a nice quilt...
82 comments? Wow.
Of course, I don't understand most of what's being said here.
Kitty: My little attack-cat is here to save me. Go, Kitty, you know who needs their eyes scratched out. Grrr.
Arcy: Yes but I think 30 are my own and 20 are Keshi's. It's a blogstuffing...
amusing row you had with slutty....but come on, I can't believe there are women anywhere who think it is okay to call vagina's wizard's sleeves ... okay I am a hypocrite in that I took the piss out of penises but fact is you aren't offended by anything I say so there is a difference. I prefer men not to make offensive comments about women on my blog. cheers.
true maybe i was a bit touchy. maybe it had something to do with my husband being away for a week and me having had no sex (masturbation being largely a waste of time IMHO) and the kids driving me nuts. but i would say how does one know if you are being offensive or not? maybe you need a code: i am trying to fuck you off or I am just trying to be funny
Most of my female readers haven't had sex since 1998 but you don't see them taking offence at my comments.
Even this one (hopefully).
Anyway, I won't be using codes as it only encourages poor communication skills. Stick around and you'll soon pick up the subtle clues.
Or just fuck off and miss all the fun.
(OK, see that was meant to be a joke...)
"Most of my female readers haven't had sex since 1998...
Ha ha
I haven't hooked up in 2+ years ... in the gay world, you're back to a virgin after 2 weeks, so I'm really snow white.
Re. your question on my blog, yes, the flowering cherries that ring the Tidal Basin here in DC are called Yoshino cherries. (They're at peak right now and I might walk down to see them -- but only at night when they're really neat looking, like a nighttime snowy forest. I won't go there during the day. It's a nightmare down there with the crowds. And soon the smelly Tidal Basin looks like Pepto-Bismol when the blossoms start falling off.) The other dominate variety around here is the double flowering Kwanzan. It sounds African but it's another Japanese variety, I believe. I think they're prettier.
oh god, you are so right about the lack of sex thing. For me, it's been since early 2002 and there was a sort of sex thing in mid 2004.
I think my vagina would be less of a wizard's sleeve to more of a wizard's spare room - where he keeps all the broken wands and dead rabbits. Haha.
p.s fingers - there is one other thing you offended by and that is bad grammer, don't say you aren't!
Arcy: Unhappy Anniversary, mate. To commemorate, I'll get Steph to bake you a chocolate doughnut with no hole in the centre.
Take a bottle of Japanese sake and drink it under the Yoshinos, Arcy. If a cherry blossom falls into your sake cup it's considered lucky.
After 2.5 years I think anything's worth a try...
Kate: Thank you, darling. If I can make just one sexless fruitcake smile, then my work is not in vain.
And for the umpteenth time, it's 'grammar'...and don't you dare say you did that on purpose...
Course I did it on purpose! I may be sexless but I'm not intentionally stupid (twice!) :))
hell yeah I can see that :)
Keshi.
Can we get this number of comments thing up to 100? We're SO CLOSE. Please.
Fingers -- it was so pretty down there tonight, but, alas, I won't be able to post pictures until the weekend. I'm really swamped this week. Boo. And, of course, my cellphone camera is less than stellar.
Here here.
I mean, hear hear.
Wait, which one is it? I can't even remember right now.
P.S. I think some of your lady blogger buddies may be a tad smitten with you ... IMHO. You do tend to have that effect on women ... and wildlife at the Sydney Zoo.
Kate: My lie-detector just exploded.
Keshi: Yes, you don't want to chip those brilliant, white teeth on my hard centre.
Arcy: You took my advice, didn't you. You're drinking sake under the cherry blossoms. And from the sound of it you've been eating the petals as they fall into your sake glass. They're a hallucinogenic, mate...
The colors, man, the colors.
No sex what? I was shagged nine ways from Sunday this past weekend and can barely walk.
FACT!
w00t,w00t! BooYA!!
Comment 99; I wanna see Kitty and Keshi mudwrestle for the chance to handle your wrinkly bits.
!!!!!100!!!!!!!
Do I win a prize?? Cough up old man, and not your left lung!!
Steph: You're just awesome. Did you pull the manager at Stanmore Maccas ?? Hubba Hubba. I bet you did it on the counter, between the registers after he locked up. I bet he flipped your burger all over the store. Special sauce all over your lettuce and buns.
And thanks for being my 100th comment. I'm touched in a way I could never touch myself...
Stanmore Maccers is the hottest place to eat in Syders. You know that!
Did I pop your cherry? Was it good for you?
I guess the government just does not know the statement,
"Never ask a woman her age."
Sol: Oh hi Doc, thank god you're here. I've been looking for a resident shrink on this blog for ages. Some of my readers are very disturbed. Total fruit bats. I'd appreciate any help you can give them. I think it might be a good idea to start with Steph...
See, she sometimes starts waffling in Celtic...
lol!
Steph I dunno how to mudwrestle..hang on, who's wrinkly?
Keshi.
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