If I may take a very short break from the story to ask the youth of Australia a question…Here is an excerpt from Steph’s amazing Big Brother Blog, in which she summarizes the voting rules for household evictions this week.
It is an unauthorized reproduction, much the same as the girl/girl pash photo of Steph that most of my clients now have installed as screensavers across SE Asia.
‘…The public vote to SAVE the HM's they like. At the end of the week, the bottom three HM's with the least save votes, are put up for eviction. The HM's then vote (two points and one point) who they would like evicted, except for the winner of FNL who gets four points and two points to use on evicting a HM, AND also gets to SAVE one HM from eviction. The person with the next least save votes then gets put up to take their place.
In yet another twist, the bottom three HM's also get to nominate each other too and their votes are kept secret until the end.
After this somewhat exhausting process, the three HM's get into "the revolver". Two HM's are put back in the house, and the one with the most eviction points is spun out to "the bleachers" where Jackie-O is waiting to interview them…’
My question: If you can follow this...WHAT THE FUCK WAS SO FUCKING HARD ABOUT THE FUCKING AWAs YOU SEEMED TO HAVE SO MUCH FUCKING TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING, YOU DIM-WITTED CABBAGES…
That is all…and now back to ‘The Brain’…
73 comments:
I'm nobody's cabbage but what is an AWA?
I say bring back part three of your hooker story (even though I'm still offended on the young woman's behalf and sympathetic to her obviously limited opportunities in life)
:)
Kate: You may be nobody's cabbage but you're also nobody's employee obviously. AUSTRALIAN WORKPLACE AGREEMENT...
oh, hahahah! I'm actually at the moment on the "government sponsored single mother get thee an education" agreement.
But I hope to become an acquaintance of an AWA in 2009.
Thanks for the learnin'
Kate: Well don't get too excited. AWAs are a thing of the past now that Kevin Crudd is here to institutionalize mediocrity and lower the comprehension bar so that even the most fuckwitted dullard doesn't get ripped off coz he/she can't do simple maths or read anything more complicated than a tabloid headline...
this ought to be a HOOT when (hot) steph sees what you did!
fingers - you got some splainin' to doooo!
good of you to edumacate kate on the evil ways of crudd and The Ginger Viper...
oh and while i am sledging the bejesus out of The Government, can that cunt treasurer dipshit barrrstard focus on the JOB AT HAND a little more and a little LESS on getting his stupid gob in as many photo ops as he can possibly manage...i mean PLEASE.
how much sex is it going to take to get a copy of the girl on girl pash??
serious.
We have The Apprentice. 20 dim-wits vie for a job with Sir Alan Sugar (one of the top UK businessmen)
This week the trial was to go to a market in Marakesh and buy 10 items as cheaply as possible. One of the item was a kosher chicken in a MUSLIM country. One particular chap goes to a muslim butcher who claims to be a part-time imam and 'blesses' the chicken as he's weighing it on the scales.
To make it worse the budding 'apprentice' had put down on his CV "I'm a good Jewish boy" knowing that Sir Alan is a jew.
Not exactly sure what a "pash" is, as it is not a term that is used much here in the states, but I think I like it.
Guess I need an Australian dictionary, or is it slang?
How does one go about getting one of those screen savers?
Big Brother in America...My god, do you know it came out two-three times a week. They even had B/B After Dark on HBO...EVERY NIGHT till midnight. It was like watching the Truman Show.
Who wants to watch people sleeping, guys with their hands in their jammies cratching their balls whilst snoozing?
My girlfriend...that's who. She is so into Big Brother.
Put the fucking camera on the chick with the big tits taking a shower...Do I have to write a letter to the network!
Okay...listen to this. This one time they (household) were drunk and getting out of their clothes in the hot tub. Naked chicks! Yes! Finally getting good.One dude with a red mohawk pulled his pants down swung his cock between his legs, caught it with his thighs as it swung behind him. I'm not making this up.
The guy with the red mohawk got high fives from the guys...so what, like I've not seen that done before...hum, though, it was my thighs that caught the...well let's not go there.
I make no sense...I KNOW. It's Monday and I don't do Mondays well.
People are staying clear of me. Dang...all stressed out and no one to choke! hehehe
Ciao babes.
BTW...I'm sitting here waiting for Steph too. I'm thinking 4th of July. Hey, you got any snacks? How about a diet Dr. Pepper?
bad bob- a pash is kissing. a tongue-pash is kissing with tongue.
a tongue-pash my faaaaavourite kind of pash.
:o)
You are an island in a sea of idiots.
Now, back to The Brain, please. He is starting to turn me on.
Kitty: Don't be silly. As if I'd do that to my darling Steph. I made it perfectly clear to all my clients that the pic was NOT to be used as a screensaver.
E-K: We have 'The Apprentice', every important 'wannabe a supermodel' competition on the planet, weight loss comps, makeovers, airport security beat-ups, cop car chases...do I need to go on. It's moron central down here.
BB: One doesn't get one of those screensavers. One earns one. And they are spectacular.
Spiky: You must be a very proud lezzer, baby.
Kitty: Good work, Professor Pash...
The AWA misunderstanders, Kitty ... not you, you sexy creature! :) Crudd is a cringe inducing loser. Oops I was going to keep politics out of my blogging ..
I like Pashing.
*wiggles tongue at fingers*
wanna pash me baby?
i would mind a pussy pash.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
hornay.
fanny- i love to pash too, and i hate crudd...we are now BFFs.
Goody, Kitty. Can I please do a duo Pole Dance with you BFF?
Sorry Fingers.. carry on
fanny- you can babygirl! only as long as it descends into hardcore girl on girl action while fingers kodak's his shit left and right...
i want some FANNY
Does he have a pole available?
yes and i've had a grind on it!
it's quite satisfying...we could share his pole.
This is why I blog.
Kitty is like my loyal lesbian-retreiver.
Fetch, baby...
Were you ever evicted, Fingers, from any residential primary dwelling for any legal or regulatory reason?
Kitty is a lesbian??
Regulus: As a wealthy land-owner, that's unlikely, seeing as I'm the landlord. I was thrown out of a bar last week though...
No, i'm just a tourist (going) down Pussy Licker Lane these days.
strictly recreational. i used to be a lezzer....i hung up my bad hair cut and comfortable shoes to start a new life as a fairly-fuckworthy switch hitter yeeeears ago.
oh...the memories of labia's past.
Kitty: Concentrate !!! I sent you out to get Fanny...not to chat up my gay readers. That's what BoBo is for...
Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for a tongue pash from one of the ladies until I earn a screensaver. Let me know when I have enough frequent flyer miles.
i think you mean frequent flogger miles don't you?
spank that monkey bob!
i'd pash you bob, but i'm not really a lady.
LMFAO! I won't say more as I shall be insulted no doubt, but that was hilarious.
Pashing is boring now...cos FINGERing is better LOL! Bring back Finger posts plz!
Keshi.
Bob: I just checked your points. You have just enough for a bit of tongue from Regulus.
Kitty: I still don't see any Fanny.
Uber: OK, now which one of your silly blogs should I visit ?? I'm not trawling through both. Pick one and I'll go and defile it for you.
Keshi: I am shocked at that. Please report to my office for some disciplinary action. And wear a short skirt...
"No, i'm just a tourist (going) down Pussy Licker Lane these days."
I'm afraid I avoid that particular neighborhood, so I don't know the street layout there. I may have passed through it once on my way into this world, but that's it.
Fingers -- She was trying to chat me up? And you're a wealthy land owner?
Did you get in a fight in the bar?
Gah! you lie so hard!!1
And from the comments you leave on my bb blog, it's very clear you watch the show religiously.
Twatface!!
Reg: 'She was trying to chat me up? And you're a wealthy land owner?'
Which would you be most disappointed to find out was a lie ??
Steph: Gah, you pash so good. Hey, I realise you must be flat out replying to all those comments on your BB blog but any danger of an answer to my question ??
Airhead...
You paying out on my comments now?
Arsewipe!!
i shall answer when I'm ready. Right now it's Vodka O'clock.
Bite me.
regulus- i wasn't trying to butter your muffin babes - you would know (i don't know how to be subtle). I was lead to believe you are the token Gay Reader. i gave up screwing gay boys in 1995.
Steph: 'This is Biggest Brother. You have been insolent for the last time. Biggest Brother is revoking your vodka privilege for one month. And get your bongos out.'
Kitty: You might have mentioned that before I let you sleepover at CP...
This IS Big Sister.
Fingers, to the Diary room. rather DAIRY room if u must.
Keshi.
Kitty: *bothered*...NOT.
Keshi: OK, that was amusing. The DAIRY room...hehehehe. And those are some splendid udders you're parading on your blog today. Got milk...
There's a film out called Idiocracy.
Pretty tedious as films go but its basic premise is a good one. That bogans will end up ruling the world because they out breed everyone else.
According to this film the favourite television programme in 2500 will be Ow My Balls ! Where a guy gets his nuts battered umpteen times a week. We already have the precurser of this with Jackass.
I can't wait.
Keshi: You should see how cute I look with a milk moustache.
E-K: Nice sickie there, Fat Comptroller. The problem with that theory is whilst at the moment it appears that evolution is favouring the chronically stupid, in terms of their growing numbers, they may not actually survive when the shit they cause eventually comes down. Evolutionary strategy is far easier to predict in hindsight...
Fingers said ...
"...Evolutionary strategy is far easier to predict in hindsight..."
Like the markets evolution can go up or down in value. Historians of the future will look at the Big Brother era of human development and will have nothing to say except "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED ?"
"I was thrown out of a bar last week though..."
Fingers, so it was you I saw being thrown out of the Argyle for perving at the sexy gay boys' silhouettes.. and you didn't wash your hands
Is anyone else feeling nauseous or is it just me?
Damn!! That's a bit on the edgy side. I'll definitely have to keep saving miles. Let me know where I can get some double points.
Hey...I walk away for a diet drink and there's like a party going on here. Wha-hey!
Where's the whipped cream? hehehe.
Ciao babes.
Fukkit, I'm getting blurred vision just from trying decipher the bloody voting system - they getting lessons from Bob Mugabe or somminc? & then all the muff diving stuff..............what's happenin' wif da Brain Fingers??
Good Post Folk ;-)
E-K: You could have said the same thing about The Dark Ages, The Inquisition, the 70s...
Fanny: I've been thrown out of gayer places than that.
Steph: No, me too...but then I've just been on your BB blog so it's to be expected.
Bob: You get triple miles for every flight you take in your own wingless plane.
Spiky: Nothing to see here.
Jayne: Stupid post got fifty comments. Go figure. Back to The Brain shortly.
Boss: Welcome stranger. As an introductory offer, please take one of my readers and use them in any manner you see fit...
Kitty, I could never be sick in your presence. MOIST!
Oh mate...what a coup! I've just managed to score "fingers" on the new "The Big Word Project". Which means when some bastard clicks on "fingers" they come through to here. Fucking brilliant idea this - these guys are going to coin it in. Cost me $7 - a dollar a letter. Nah "cunt" was gone. But I did manage to snare "cocksucker" - cost me $10 that one. And picked up "wally". Have a look - just enter "fingers" in the search and click on it - TheBigWordProject
Gives you a nice permanent link from a PageRank 6 site too.
Wish I'd thought of this. BTW "idiot" leads to George Bush's Wikipedia entry. "Money" has gone but "lucre" is still free. Do you fancy "fanny"? Still free.
Kitty & Steph: As soon as I put my pants back on I'm going to block you two from defiling my blog with your lezzing.
Lombay: That's fucking awesome. I have no idea why anyone in their right mind would log onto the site and click on a word though. Are you an internet billionaire yet...
Lombay: I just bought 'floccinaucinihilipilification' for you. It's Latin, means 'the act of estimating something's value as zero'...
Tried to get you "smartass" but was taken. Snared "nazi" and "bong" though. Do you understand the concept behind this site? They're giving out widgets that dopes put on their blogs so that their PageRank gets stronger and stronger. 6 already and they'll be an 8 before they're done. And don't worry about their traffic - it'll just get bigger and bigger (probably branch into other languages too) I find it addictive. Thing is you can snare yourself a word...lets see - "paedophile" say, and have it pointing to some cunts blog. Like Mountjoy :-)
Kitty -- I hope I'm not Fingers token Gay Readers, but if so, that's ok. I gave up screwing gay boys in 2002, so I'm not that far behind you.
what was that fingers? i'm numb to your silly remarks!
i'm currently as busy as a little beaver, nestled between golden thighs going 'numnumnumnumnum'.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
the shame and humilitation of being outed as one of Fingers readers, token and gay or just a regular fuckwit one (like me), will pass in time poppet.
it'll be ok.
I can't believe you'd have anything to do with that Big Boring crap.
Lombay: Unreal...what's a PageRank ??
Reg: As long as you're not behind me it's all good.
Kitty: Look what you've done to my blog, Bucky.
SC: I don't but I love giving it to Steph. Who wouldn't...
i love giving it to her too!!!
*dreams*
** You should see how cute I look with a milk moustache
Pura u mean?
Keshi.
Do you fancy "fanny"? Still free.
The story of my life ..
It's becoming a real ordeal having to wade through all this pussy just to make a comment to ya, Fingers. I think the speedboat is working.
God you need a girl on girl fest on the boat Fingers. Think you could get a dozen "lickers" aboard??
i want some fanny on fingers speedboat.
fanny- get your knickers off
I'm not sure about getting my knickers off on the speedboat. Fingers will have to drive slowly so that I don't whistle.
LMAO
I loved the AWA’s, being a boss it was satisfying being able evict an employee via SMS.
Kitty: Yes, we get it.
Keshi: No. I was being crude.
Fanny: Free fanny. Woohoo.
E-K: It's a real chore wading through all that lezzing...and 71 commenters seem to agree with you. Even if 58 of them are my little Kitty Kat.
NM: I'll get a case of lickers...you bring the shot glasses.
Kitty: Hi baby.
Fanny: I can just see you naked on the bow screaming 'I'm the queen of the world'.
Kitty: Hi baby.
BooBoo: If only there were Australian Relationship Agreements...
Did someone leave the coke on the table?
There is its called marriage, where men agree to do whatever their told.
And when that agreement is broken a new agreement is put in place.... Divorce
Kitty- No that part of my life is going swimmingly
I know..I was only distracting ya and u walked into it. haaaaaaaaaaha!
Keshi.
Smack: That would never happen here. We leave nothing.
Kitty: I have 3 letters for you. MSN.
BooBoo: And do you know why divorces are so expensive ?? Coz they're worth it.
Keshi: Did you learn that technique trapping tigers back home...
i am so agreeing with the divorce thing. WORTH. IT.
my first one was so satisfying, i didn't need to fuck for a whole week.
the next one should have my knees knocking for a least a fortnight...
Hurry up and finish the fucking story already.
I have things to do you know!!!
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